Keeping surgery a secret

thank you !! 

i know this woman is very unprofessional, but thats how she is. i dont want my coworkers (older men) to worry about me and i dont want my friends to judge me.  honestly, right now my very best friend is thousands of miles away and she has the same feelings.  im embarrassed i let weight get out of control and i cant go back on it, but i wanna worry about that myself.  

i didnt know if insurance even tells my job anything since i am going to be using the insurance i get through work.  i didnt know what kind of paperwork gets passed back and forth. 

i didnt think i was crazy with wanting this to be just between me and a few people, but it seems to be.

thanks so much for your response :)

my mind is everywhere

Unfortunately you can't always keep personal information private in an office.  You should, but people are not always ethical and companies don't enforce their own policies regarding disclosure.

I'm of the opinion that it's better to be honest than to lie about weight loss surgery.  People will know when you start to lose weight that something has changed.  They will talk.  And as RosyKate mentioned, if you lie like Starr Jones and later have to confess the truth, you lose all credibility and integrity.

I understand being a private person.  I really do.  But your fear of having this information exposed seems a little excessive.  Have you considered seeing a therapist to deal with what is causing this anxiety for you?  When you face reality head on, it's less scary than you think, at least in my experience.

Good luck to you.  I hope you find the answers you need.

i dont think that my privacy being unnecessarily thrown about my office or peers is excessive. 

i have no desire to tell anyone and i wont. and i wont be seeking therapy to cope with people being obsessed with my business.  

uh thanks 

I think you misunderstood.  I don't think it's right that your personal information is shared by your HR person with your coworkers, but unfortunately it does happen more often than you'd like to think.

I said that your FEAR might be excessive.  I do wish you luck, but sometimes containing information is like trying to herd cats.

Uh, wouldn't it be a wonderful world if people always did what they were supposed to do, and everybody minded their own business.  No matter how hard we try to maintain our privacy, information leaks out.  I hope you are successful in keeping your business private.

Health insurers and disability insurers won't share information with your employer.

In regard to disability insurance, there is generally a one to two week waiting period before benefits kick in - so you will have to use vacation time or sick time, or time with no pay during the waiting period.  When you are requesting the time off, or telling HR you are taking time off, they may ask questions.

Hope things work out well for you.

RIGHT?!? some people...

thats very good to know ! 

i just didnt know what the paperwork looks like or if anyone will know i even had a procedure. 

thanks so much :)

im really hoping to get this all going. i havent been to a doctor in years because of lack of insurance, but im getting older - time to start getting my life in order. 

thanks

Regarding who you tell about your surgery, it is totally up to you.  You don't have to "spill" the news to ANYONE. It is your business.  I told a few people about my surgery, but my daughter who was worried about me being overweight was so happy that I decided to have WLS that she told all her friends.  She lives in NYC, so I don't see them and don't mind. Do what makes YOU comfortable.  It is YOUR health and Your life

i told my boyfriend and he said its nothing to be embarrassed about and if he had it, he would tell everyone. i told him thats where we differ.  i just dont want people knowing things or hearing the whole bit from people or even the "easy way out" nonsense.  im not going to post online about being a gym rat, but i just wanna say its a life change. its my problem and my solution. 

thanks so much

The problem *I* see with your solution is that you'll be LYING if, when someone asks if you had WLS, you say "No, I've made a life change." Now, you may be totally comfortable with lying to people---but how are you going to feel when it eventually comes out, and everyone KNOWS you lied? (Trust me, if you tell ONE SINGLE SOUL, it will come out eventually.)

Also, when you start losing weight at the pace most post-ops do, if you DENY having had WLS, then people are going think you've got some dread disease, or you're snorting crack, or---something far worse than WLS.

It's totally up to you how you deal with people knowing or not knowing, but you need to think through all the angles before you take the "life changes" approach.

I second Ms. Batt!

Part of the problem in society thinking negatively about WLS is that we, the WLS community, often treat it shamefully.  I was "loud and proud" of the very educated decision I made.  I told anyone that asked.  Hell, my entire company knew.  And they cheered me on.  I did not run into negative comments or deal with "haters".  If you put it out there proudly and confidently it will be received that way.  The easy way out?  Hell yes.  And what is wrong with easy?  We drive to work instead of walking, we live with electricity instead of building fires and if we had cancer, we'd probably choose chemo.  This is a medical procedure to aid in fixing a medical issue.  

I am a very honest, proud person.  I am proud of the decision I made and I know I have helped others understand what real life is like with WLS. They have seen over the past almost 6 years that I had to completely change my lifestyle to maintain this weight loss.