I Need Ideas...Suggestions

It's easy to say that someone should just "let go" of an abusive relationship, or to say that you would NEVER be influenced like that. Domestic abuse is a ***** and you have no right to tell her what she thinks or why she does what she does.

Model a healthy lifestyle in body & mind. 

Provide her an out (a standing offer for a place to go, live, some emergency cash or source for it when/if she chooses to leave, help if she desires to leave the situation) 

Bottom Line: You have to want to lose weight for yourself, not to make somebody else happy and really its lots of other stuff that needs to be worked on... the weight issue is a symptom... so telling her about it isn't going to help in fact  (studies back me up on this) it will hurt.

Best to her and you.

Do you have  a scale when she walks into the house? She is an adult. can you imagine every time you walked into your mother's house the first things out of her mouth were you need to lose weight.

I think you are being hurtful to your daughter.I am sure she goes to food for comfort when she leaves your house.You need to be a caring loving and supportive mother. Our children are a gift. 

I think it would be a good idea that you seek therapy to help you with some of your own issues so you can help your daughter.

 I have two wonderful children who I would do anything for.I don't get to see them because of where they live. You should adore your children.Life is too short to not be happy.

these are all great Ideas, my daughter and I are actually very close.  speak to each other every day. Live only 8 blocks apart from each other.We don't scream at each other, sorry if I gave that impression.. we always hug and open to one another. I just happen to let her know almost every time we are together how it is breaking my heart to see her large and possibly go thru what I went through. I like the approach of leading by example. I will work on that fast. I actually have been seeing a therapist for relationship issues.. Thanks so much for all your suggestions. They are very much appreciated.

If my mom happened to let me know almost every time we were together how it was breaking her heart to see me large, I would give her a very, very easy fix - I would stop seeing my mom.  And my mom is one of my best friends.

You are on the path to pushing her away.  Stop it.  You can't control her, you can only control yourself.

^^^  What she said.

The other day while watching a movie with her on her Netflix , we snacked on pretzels I had just bought before coming to her place to watch a movie. I always snack on pretzels and air popped popcorn. Gosh this all so helpful, thanks so much again everyone , hugs to everyone that took the time to help me in this situation.. PeaceV Wendy

Anyone in an abusive relationship will not hear you when you say they need to leave. Surely you would know that from being in one. She needs to want the help. The best you can do is be there for her. I know it is difficult to watch her self-destruct, but no amount of telling her she needs to eat better or leave him will get her to do that. Being supportive, and being their when she finally does ask for help will be the best thing you can do. She probably feels like she has no other choice at this point, and eventually she will ask for help. By pushing her you are only making sure that the abusive bf will continue to be in her life and be successful in isolating her. His goal is to make sure no one around her wants to be her friend any more only proving his point, that is what abusive people do, they isolate the person they are abusing so that the vicious cycle will continue. Just be there to listen, help pick up the pieces, and when she is ready to leave to have a better life, you will be there to help her.

Has it occurred to you that you may be unconsciously controlling her life by telling her that she can not have  weight loss surgery.  

Are you depriving her of a chance to live at a normal weight by telling her that you were unhappy with your successful surgical experience?

She might have a wonderful experience with her surgery like so many on here did.

The best thing you can do  for her is leave her alone.  It sucks for people to track your weight, your food, your body size.  That is too much pressure!  I mean how do you know she's gained 50lbs and is now 120lbs overweight?  That's way too intrusive!  Now if she is mentally incompetent and unable to care for herself and being abused by her partner probably the situation can be reported.  All best to you.  Lead by example.