Ridiculed in public
To clarify slightly more about alcohol, it is fine to drink on occasion once you are in maintenance, so long as you take into account the empty calories.
While you are losing large amounts of weight, the fat burning puts a lot of stress on your liver, diminishing its ability to process alcohol. It is advised to avoid alcohol during this period both because your liver doesn't need the extra stress and because this causes the effects of the alcohol to increase dramatically. You can find out a lot more about this by searching for alcohol here on the forums.
Once you're in maintenance, you'll still want to be cautious. Firstly, because alcohol is highly caloric. Secondly because alcohol tolerance tends to have a direct correlation with body mass - i.e. since you're now smaller you can tolerate less alcohol than you could before you lost the weight.
One last important point is that many people who undergo wls to combat their food addictions develop substitute addictions afterward, including alcoholism. Because of this, many people recommend not drinking at all after wls if you had food addiction problems beforehand. Search for the word addiction on the forums if you want more information on this.
Whether or not to drink after weight loss surgery is a very personal decision. What is important is that you have the facts needed to make the best decision for yourself.
Height: 5'0" HW: 289 SW: 279 
Next Goal: under 250 lbs
Why does it take you two hours to eat a meal? Have you talked to your surgeon about that?
It sounds like you dealt with very poor service but it also sounds like you had trouble handling the situation. Why did you stay if it was that upsetting?
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
OP, I think you did overreact to the overly invasive attentions of the owner and wait staff. It's very easy to internalize feelings and think that everyone is looking at or judging you. Some of those feelings might be what led you to overeat in the first place. I know what other people thought of me was a big contributor to my emotional eating issues. Why didn't you speak up? A request not to be bothered would probably have gone a long way. Restaurant people are trained to make small talk with customers, and with the lack of patronage they were obviously overzealous. They probably thought they were being friendly. Why would you think that singing behind the bar was a way of ridiculing you? The one comment that was over the top was being told to put down your phone. Why didn't you (or your husband) stick up for yourselves? If someone had said that to me they would have gotten an earful!
You may want to discuss some of your feelings with a therapist. It can be very helpful to discover why you feel the way you do and learn some techniques for dealing with emotional issues surrounding food.
"Free your ass, and your mind will follow." HW - 287, Start W - 273, Surgery W - 257, Onederland - 4 months 1 week post op, 100 lbs lost - 8 months 1 week, CW - 162
Hi everyone,
i just had a few things on my mind that I wanted to get off my chest . I just wonder if anyone else out there has been totally ridiculed in public since having this surgery. I had the gastric sleeve in December 2013, so I'm about to reach my one year mark. I'm still having difficulty with eating since that is what caused me to get the surgery in the first place. Also having to drink when I don't even feel thirsty. I still can't eat very fast or very much for meals, and it takes me over 2 hours just to get through one meal. I still won't tell people I've had my surgery. I I doubt that I will ever be able to tell anyone ever. Anyways, my husband and I were at a restaurant last evening about an hour away from where we live. We have never been there before so I'm always up for trying new places. The red flags started coming up and it turned out that we were the only ones in there. We already had reservations and it was too late to go anywhere else, so just stayed. That was the first offense. Then the insults and rudeness seemed to be never-ending after that. The hostess was very pushy and wouldn't stop talking, then the owner came over and he was pushy about us ordering wine or something else containing alcohol. I don't drink, and having this surgery sets it in stone that you can't ever drink because of how they reduced your stomach. He still wouldn't stop saying things like "oh too bad, that's more for me then!" Then every 5 minutes or so that annoying hostess kept coming over and asking how everything was after we kept telling her repeatedly that everything was fine. She would leave and then the owner would cone out and ask the exact same thing. We were really trying to be nice, but anyone knows that when you go out to a restaurant that you like it sit and talk. We couldn't even do that cause they kept coming over and pestering us. I can't have appetizers anymore, so I just have to sit and wait for my meal. I want to do something while waiting to occupy the time, so I'm playing games on my phone. I finally get my dinner and as usual, I had to get salmon cause I won't touch red meat, seafood, or pork. Before this hostess/waitress sets my plate down she was pushing me to try some kind of potatoes. I'm fine with potatoes, but then I saw these and they were ORANGE. I won't touch orange, green, or brown food. I just can't stand how it looks. Sweet potatoes are orange so I just thought it was those. I took a very small bite and she goes "now you can't tell me those aren't good!" "They are just to die for!" I'm an extremely picky eater and if I don't like the way something looks, smells, or tastes, then I will automatically throw it up. That's definitely not a problem since my surgery. I have a few bites of my dinner and then have to stop cause I feel full. I'm sitting there again, and the owner comes over and asks how everything was. Again I told him everything was fine, but he still stood there talking. Finally he went away again, and the waitress comes over again and asks the same question. I guess they were just really bored and wanted others to talk with since we were the only ones there at the time. I try eating a little more and have to stop again. I'm sitting there waiting for my food to go down, and guess who comes over. He heads straight towards me and looks at my plate which still had everything on it, and said very loudly "oh you've hardly touched anything!" I was so shocked because the employees at restaurants don't harass customers to eat. I just said that I have to eat slow and take my time and he just glared at me. He leaves, waitress comes back, looks at my plate and says the same thing. I gave the same answer that I gave to take my time and eat slow. I still had no idea why they kept harassing me to eat when I could hardly take more than 3-4 bites. About 10 minutes go by, he stomps over to our table again where we're sitting and I'm waiting for my food to go down. He looks at my plate again and asked if I was finished. I said "no not yet, I just eat really slow." Then he just yells at me "we'll stop playing with your telephone and eat!" I was so humiliated that I didn't know whether to cry or just become furious. I just haven't had anyone talk to me like that, and I was so shocked and it upset me so much that I completely lost my appetite. Then I just felt mad and it got to me so much that I had to run to the bathroom and throw up. I couldn't believe that upset me so much. More people were starting to come in at this time but I seriously doubt they heard since we were all the way over in the corner. One thing was for sure though, I was not going to let this jerk see me cry! I was still sitting there in total disbelief that someone would talk to me like that. I had to keep jumping up to run to the bathroom and throw up cause it upset me greatly, and I didn't want that to happen right in front of everybody there. This total jerk then goes behind the bar which was right next to our table and started SINGING making sure that I heard him. I finally just told my husband that I wanted to leave cause I was sick of being ridiculed in public by total strangers who didn't jibe a thing about me. When I was finally out of that place I still couldn't talk after being so humiliated like that. Who does that in a restaurant to paying customers telling them to stop playing around and eat!? I was especially offended because I've had my surgery and just CAN'T eat even though I want to. When I finally can eat again, everything is cold. My husband knew I was upset after going totally silent and throwing up for the last half hour over verbal abuse from a total stranger. We are DONE with that place and definitely NOT going back! It's almost 2am where I'm at and I'm still bothered by it and keep crying on and off. I don't want to touch food or even look at it I'm just furious at myself and other people verbally bashing me like that when they have no idea what I've been through. So has anyone else been through a similar situation like mine with other people telling you to eat, or they keep asking if you're finished? Does anyone else feel frustrated having to force yourself to eat all the time when you don't even want to? I had to get my surgery because of emotions eating. It was from people talking to me like that. I thought once I got my surgery that the verbal bashing would stop about my weight problem. Now it is just the complete opposite. I'm so glad this website was suggested to me cause I needed serious support because of stuff like what I went through. If anyone else has faced this, I would like to hear about your experience. Thanks for listening me rant for about the last 2 hours. I think that I can finally sleep now!
Quoting just in case. If this gets deleted or edited - which wouldn't surprise me one bit - none of the comments will make sense and we can't have that.....
please excuse my own deleted post below, I had quoted the wrong entry.
This sounds like a case of extremely poor service. I would have left much sooner since I don't tolerate that sort of treatment. It had nothing to do with your surgery.
VSG with Dr. Salameh - 3/13/2014
Diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder and started Vyvanse - 7/22/2016
Reconstructive Surgeries with Dr. Michaels - 6/5/2017 (LBL & brachioplasty), 8/14/2017 (UBL & mastopexy), 11/6/2017 (medial leg lift)
Age 42 Height 5'4" HW 319 (1/3/2014) SW 293 (3/13/2014) CW 149 (7/16/2017)
Next Goal 145 - normal BMI | Total Weight Lost 170
TrendWeight | Food Blog (sort of functional) | Journal (down for maintenance)
Hi everyone,
i just had a few things on my mind that I wanted to get off my chest . I just wonder if anyone else out there has been totally ridiculed in public since having this surgery. I had the gastric sleeve in December 2013, so I'm about to reach my one year mark. I'm still having difficulty with eating since that is what caused me to get the surgery in the first place. Also having to drink when I don't even feel thirsty. I still can't eat very fast or very much for meals, and it takes me over 2 hours just to get through one meal. I still won't tell people I've had my surgery. I I doubt that I will ever be able to tell anyone ever. Anyways, my husband and I were at a restaurant last evening about an hour away from where we live. We have never been there before so I'm always up for trying new places. The red flags started coming up and it turned out that we were the only ones in there. We already had reservations and it was too late to go anywhere else, so just stayed. That was the first offense. Then the insults and rudeness seemed to be never-ending after that. The hostess was very pushy and wouldn't stop talking, then the owner came over and he was pushy about us ordering wine or something else containing alcohol. I don't drink, and having this surgery sets it in stone that you can't ever drink because of how they reduced your stomach. He still wouldn't stop saying things like "oh too bad, that's more for me then!" Then every 5 minutes or so that annoying hostess kept coming over and asking how everything was after we kept telling her repeatedly that everything was fine. She would leave and then the owner would cone out and ask the exact same thing. We were really trying to be nice, but anyone knows that when you go out to a restaurant that you like it sit and talk. We couldn't even do that cause they kept coming over and pestering us. I can't have appetizers anymore, so I just have to sit and wait for my meal. I want to do something while waiting to occupy the time, so I'm playing games on my phone. I finally get my dinner and as usual, I had to get salmon cause I won't touch red meat, seafood, or pork. Before this hostess/waitress sets my plate down she was pushing me to try some kind of potatoes. I'm fine with potatoes, but then I saw these and they were ORANGE. I won't touch orange, green, or brown food. I just can't stand how it looks. Sweet potatoes are orange so I just thought it was those. I took a very small bite and she goes "now you can't tell me those aren't good!" "They are just to die for!" I'm an extremely picky eater and if I don't like the way something looks, smells, or tastes, then I will automatically throw it up. That's definitely not a problem since my surgery. I have a few bites of my dinner and then have to stop cause I feel full. I'm sitting there again, and the owner comes over and asks how everything was. Again I told him everything was fine, but he still stood there talking. Finally he went away again, and the waitress comes over again and asks the same question. I guess they were just really bored and wanted others to talk with since we were the only ones there at the time. I try eating a little more and have to stop again. I'm sitting there waiting for my food to go down, and guess who comes over. He heads straight towards me and looks at my plate which still had everything on it, and said very loudly "oh you've hardly touched anything!" I was so shocked because the employees at restaurants don't harass customers to eat. I just said that I have to eat slow and take my time and he just glared at me. He leaves, waitress comes back, looks at my plate and says the same thing. I gave the same answer that I gave to take my time and eat slow. I still had no idea why they kept harassing me to eat when I could hardly take more than 3-4 bites. About 10 minutes go by, he stomps over to our table again where we're sitting and I'm waiting for my food to go down. He looks at my plate again and asked if I was finished. I said "no not yet, I just eat really slow." Then he just yells at me "we'll stop playing with your telephone and eat!" I was so humiliated that I didn't know whether to cry or just become furious. I just haven't had anyone talk to me like that, and I was so shocked and it upset me so much that I completely lost my appetite. Then I just felt mad and it got to me so much that I had to run to the bathroom and throw up. I couldn't believe that upset me so much. More people were starting to come in at this time but I seriously doubt they heard since we were all the way over in the corner. One thing was for sure though, I was not going to let this jerk see me cry! I was still sitting there in total disbelief that someone would talk to me like that. I had to keep jumping up to run to the bathroom and throw up cause it upset me greatly, and I didn't want that to happen right in front of everybody there. This total jerk then goes behind the bar which was right next to our table and started SINGING making sure that I heard him. I finally just told my husband that I wanted to leave cause I was sick of being ridiculed in public by total strangers who didn't jibe a thing about me. When I was finally out of that place I still couldn't talk after being so humiliated like that. Who does that in a restaurant to paying customers telling them to stop playing around and eat!? I was especially offended because I've had my surgery and just CAN'T eat even though I want to. When I finally can eat again, everything is cold. My husband knew I was upset after going totally silent and throwing up for the last half hour over verbal abuse from a total stranger. We are DONE with that place and definitely NOT going back! It's almost 2am where I'm at and I'm still bothered by it and keep crying on and off. I don't want to touch food or even look at it I'm just furious at myself and other people verbally bashing me like that when they have no idea what I've been through. So has anyone else been through a similar situation like mine with other people telling you to eat, or they keep asking if you're finished? Does anyone else feel frustrated having to force yourself to eat all the time when you don't even want to? I had to get my surgery because of emotions eating. It was from people talking to me like that. I thought once I got my surgery that the verbal bashing would stop about my weight problem. Now it is just the complete opposite. I'm so glad this website was suggested to me cause I needed serious support because of stuff like what I went through. If anyone else has faced this, I would like to hear about your experience. Thanks for listening me rant for about the last 2 hours. I think that I can finally sleep now!
I think you could benefit greatly from therapy to help you learn coping mechanisms and learn to not allow,what are really just OPINIONS of other people to affect you to. The point that you have to throw up. That is really abnormal behavior.
I'm sorry you had to deal with such rudeness on the part of the staff, it is certainly inappropriate to tell a customer to "stop playing with your phone and eat". I don't believe that there is any excuse for that kind of behaviour especially in the customer service industry. I also don't think in is appropriate to push food or alcohol at the customer who has declined repeatedly. I do however have to say I do share some of the concerns mentioned about. You have the right to tell someone if they are being inappropriate even if it is a public place like a restaurant. I don't consider it being rude to the staff, I consider it a customer right to express dissatisfaction. I would have advised the hostess bothering about alcohol and potatoes that I simply don't or can't eat those foods but thank you for offering. I myself would have also told the staff that things were fine and asked if we could have some privacy Thank-you. When the staff repeatedly bothered you about the amount of food on my plate I would have simply stated I'm enjoying the food very much thank you but I just have very small appetite for personal reasons but again Thank-you. If I still received the comment about putting my phone down, Yes I would have gotten upset but I would have stood up at that moment and advised him he was inappropriate and rude and stated I was leaving and maybe even gone as far as to ask to speak to the restaurant owner and advised him of what had just occurred. You are a consumer have a right to speak out. I understand that maybe this is not your personality but it may have helped you resolve the upset feelings quicker to be able to express those upset feelings to the people or person who had caused them. I don't know if you have ever had counselling or therapy but it may be beneficial. I myself have a therapist to help me and have for years. I use to be very unwilling to express myself in public or personally if unhappy, hurt, upset or sad about stuff but it lead to me being very unhappy and hospitalized with depression for 3 weeks because for 37 years I didn't know how to express my feelings to others and only buried them deeply for fear I may hurt the other person or offend them. Now please don't get me wrong I'm not trying to imply by any means that you have a problem, or are even similar to me in any way or need to be hospitalized to deal with it. I'm just trying to express my experiences to hopefully help you deal with this upsetting situation. I hope that I in no way offended you because that was never my intent. I'm a very caring and kind person by nature and was just trying to reach out. I hope you are well and feeling better today :-)
Referral May 14th/14, HRRH Orientation Aug/18th/14, Surgeon (Dr.Starr) Appt Nov/28th/14, Clinic Nurse,Social Worker, Dietitian Dec/15th/14, Dr.Glazer Feb/5th/15, OptiFast Feb/16th/15, PATTS Feb/17th/15, Surgery March 2nd/15 HW 230, SW 202, CW 130
I think you are overreacting. It sounds to me the staff was trying to provide good service. I could say a lot of things-your post has several red flags-but I'll just tell you something my dad told me years ago.
THE WORLD IS NOT OUT TO GET YOU. All caps intentional.
I fight badgers with spoons.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-8255
Suicidepreventionlifeline.org
on 10/19/14 2:11 am, edited 10/19/14 2:26 am
You need to learn to stand up for yourself. I would have NOT internalized the behavior of the wait staff. Restaurant personnel usually do bug clients about how their meal is going or if everything is all right. When that nasty comment was made, I would have immediately asked for the rest of my meal to be bagged and would have left without leaving a tip.
Being over sensitive and taking everything personally is not the way to go.
Batwingsman · 1 replies · 1674 views