Not telling people about surgery MEANS YOU'RE NOT READY!
I had my surgery 4 years ago and i only told my husband. Not my parents nor siblings. I was ready. Yes people will wonder if you are sick and jow you arenlosing weight. I told people i was getting help from my Dr. And if they persisted in askin i would say, "I'm keeping it private for now". You don't have to tell anyone to be ready that's bull.
I had my surgery 4 years ago and i only told my husband. Not my parents nor siblings. I was ready. Yes people will wonder if you are sick and jow you arenlosing weight. I told people i was getting help from my Dr. And if they persisted in askin i would say, "I'm keeping it private for now". You don't have to tell anyone to be ready that's bull.
I plan to say something similar. Great minds think alike! 
I agree with you. It's your business who you tell and when. You made the decision for yourself, not because of them. As long as you are ready for yourself, it's really none of their business. You are going to have enough to deal with as it is without having to constantly deal with everyone at work, too. Tell who you want to.
I'm on your side with this topic. I too have decided I am and already have told only people that I am close to and know off top that will support me 100%. I'm not telling anyone else. I mean, I share my story here on this forum. Not sure how many people are on it but I think to just share the decision you've made with anybody at all proves you're ready. Don't be discouraged. You have the right to be in control of who knows your personal business and who doesn't.
I saw your story and HAD to reply. First things first, congratulations on your decision to take control of your health. In December I'll be 3 years out from having my sleeve down 103 lbs in 1 year and I did NOT tell my coworkers. The only people that know are my immediate family and my best friend. Choosing whether or not to share your personal business is YOUR choice. It saddens me to hear that you are not being empowered at your support group to do what you are comfortable doing.
My choice in not discussing my surgery was based on many factors. However, I am SO glad that I kept my private business private. While on my weight loss journey I realized the emotional changes that I experienced in addition to the physical changes. And honestly, people feel the need to provide their opinion on your weight... Too skinny, not skinny enough, don't get too thin, why you didn't need surgery,questioning how much you're eating, trying to get you to eat more or trying to get you to eat foods that may not agree with you, etc. Sometimes you just need others to leave you to your journey so you can determine the weight YOU are comfortable at and when YOU are happy with the way you look and what YOU enjoy eating. It's such a huge adjustment that the chatter from the peanut gallery is not always helpful. I've met other people - including medical professionals - who have had weight loss surgery and have not told their coworkers. It's funny that you might even find that its an easier topic to discuss with strangers than with people you know.
If you were having a breast lift or reduction or a tummy tuck or laser eye surgery (all elective procedures) would you feel compelled to tell your coworkers? Same scenario. Doesn't mean your not comfortable with your decisions... It means it's your personal medical business.
As far as your HR person, there is something called confidentiality and at my job violating that confidentiality would put HR at risk to be fired. I suggest you learn your rights as an employee. ( I work at a company that handles disability insurance). As you are losing weight you can always reply that you've made a complete lifestyle change- which you will. You are eating healthier and exercising... And that's exactly how the weight will come off. That's all you need to say and it will be the truth...no specifics needed. Just a side note...lots of people who have surgery lose weight without changing their habits BUT you might not feel great, it usually looks unhealthy, and you might struggle to reach your goal weight. Also, hopefully you'll start losing before you go out of work. It might make your weight loss less questionable. Many people noticed that I was eating smaller portions, drinking water and taking walks at lunch... All "normal" for someone trying to lose weight.
I hope this helps you and I hope you can confidently make decisions that you feel great about...and not let others sway you. You are an individual, unique and entitled to feel how YOU feel. Owning your choice to have weight loss surgery does not mean publicizing it. It means acknowledging that you have a problem with your weight, (likely) a problem with food, and surgery is the route that you have chosen to take... No shame attached. God bless and I wish you much success!
I saw your story and HAD to reply. First things first, congratulations on your decision to take control of your health. In December I'll be 3 years out from having my sleeve down 103 lbs in 1 year and I did NOT tell my coworkers. The only people that know are my immediate family and my best friend. Choosing whether or not to share your personal business is YOUR choice. It saddens me to hear that you are not being empowered at your support group to do what you are comfortable doing.
My choice in not discussing my surgery was based on many factors. However, I am SO glad that I kept my private business private. While on my weight loss journey I realized the emotional changes that I experienced in addition to the physical changes. And honestly, people feel the need to provide their opinion on your weight... Too skinny, not skinny enough, don't get too thin, why you didn't need surgery,questioning how much you're eating, trying to get you to eat more or trying to get you to eat foods that may not agree with you, etc. Sometimes you just need others to leave you to your journey so you can determine the weight YOU are comfortable at and when YOU are happy with the way you look and what YOU enjoy eating. It's such a huge adjustment that the chatter from the peanut gallery is not always helpful. I've met other people - including medical professionals - who have had weight loss surgery and have not told their coworkers. It's funny that you might even find that its an easier topic to discuss with strangers than with people you know.
If you were having a breast lift or reduction or a tummy tuck or laser eye surgery (all elective procedures) would you feel compelled to tell your coworkers? Same scenario. Doesn't mean your not comfortable with your decisions... It means it's your personal medical business.
As far as your HR person, there is something called confidentiality and at my job violating that confidentiality would put HR at risk to be fired. I suggest you learn your rights as an employee. ( I work at a company that handles disability insurance). As you are losing weight you can always reply that you've made a complete lifestyle change- which you will. You are eating healthier and exercising... And that's exactly how the weight will come off. That's all you need to say and it will be the truth...no specifics needed. Just a side note...lots of people who have surgery lose weight without changing their habits BUT you might not feel great, it usually looks unhealthy, and you might struggle to reach your goal weight. Also, hopefully you'll start losing before you go out of work. It might make your weight loss less questionable. Many people noticed that I was eating smaller portions, drinking water and taking walks at lunch... All "normal" for someone trying to lose weight.
I hope this helps you and I hope you can confidently make decisions that you feel great about...and not let others sway you. You are an individual, unique and entitled to feel how YOU feel. Owning your choice to have weight loss surgery does not mean publicizing it. It means acknowledging that you have a problem with your weight, (likely) a problem with food, and surgery is the route that you have chosen to take... No shame attached. God bless and I wish you much success!
BRAVO!!!!!! I agree with everything you so eloquently said! 
on 10/14/14 6:36 pm - warren, MI
in the beginning I only planned on telling my mom and a few close friends but my mom is a blabber mouth and now all my neighbors know and my entire family and pretty much everyone. but I dont feel I am not ready to have surgery because I dont want people to know I just didnt want everyones opinions on what I should do. I made my choice I know what I want and I know how to get the information I want and need. In someways I am happy more people know because I have a lot more people that support my decision than I thought I would on the other hand if I hear one more person say "oh my friends moms sister had that and......" I am going to scream lol as far as work goes I think a lot of people wouldnt want to share a personal thing with co workers. and your HR can probably get in trouble for sharing confidential information.
I understand how you feel I told my supervisor and he informed me that having this surgery would be putting my job in a bind because j just had foot surgery and I was out of work . I have been keeping notes because I have been told this every month since April. When I told him two weeks before the surgery he called me on the office three times in one week to say that my administrator was going yo be pissed because I just can back to work in April .I am 315 lbs and I have had to have 7 bones removed out of one foot because of my weight and I work 13 hrs just about every other day .So I was thinking about not telling them when I get my date .feeling like they might try to terminate my job after working for them over 11 yrs .feeling sad every day . Feeling like I know my health is important but I need my job .
I understand how you feel I told my supervisor and he informed me that having this surgery would be putting my job in a bind because j just had foot surgery and I was out of work . I have been keeping notes because I have been told this every month since April. When I told him two weeks before the surgery he called me on the office three times in one week to say that my administrator was going yo be pissed because I just can back to work in April .I am 315 lbs and I have had to have 7 bones removed out of one foot because of my weight and I work 13 hrs just about every other day .So I was thinking about not telling them when I get my date .feeling like they might try to terminate my job after working for them over 11 yrs .feeling sad every day . Feeling like I know my health is important but I need my job .
I didn't realize that you could be terminated for a medically necessary procedure. But I guess if you're in an "At Will" state, it could happen. I'm so sorry to hear that! Living off disability or unemployment won't cut it in this day and age. Hopefully he is just bluffing to scare you have you change your mind.
