Not telling people about surgery MEANS YOU'RE NOT READY!
The HR lady is breaking the law if she breaks confidentially. That is a concern that you should take up with higher management.
But if the biggest concern you have is whether or not people find out, then in my humble opinion, you may not truly be ready. This surgery is major and wonderful and traumatic and difficult and life-altering and all kinds of other things. People will talk about you having it. People will comment on how you look - constantly - regardless of whether or not you tell. People will look to you as a source of inspiration, counsel and advice. People will be jealous. People will treat you differently than they did before the surgery. People who were mean to you will suddenly be nice. People who were nice will suddenly be mean. People will say how much you've changed. You will want to punch them because you haven't changed but how you look has. Men will smile and linger and talk to you. Women will feel intimidated. It's a lot. I'm a 5 year post-op. I lost 240 pounds initially and am dealing with a 60 pound regain over the years for a lot of these reasons. People knowing about my surgery hasn't really been an issue. People treating me differently because of how I look has been.
AMEN!
If you search the forums, you'll find that whether or not to tell people about the surgery is a highly controversial topic.
One thing that a lot of people agree upon though is that when asked about your weight loss it's best to say either nothing or to tell the full truth. It's fine to tell people about the surgery, and it's fine to tell people that you prefer not to talk about your personal health matters, but telling people things like "diet and exercise" which leave the surgery out of the picture can have a lot of associated problems (including further discouraging others who could be helped by surgery and potential reputational damage should knowledge about the surgery come out and people feel that you lied).
You certainly don't need to tell anyone anything at this point, but it is a good time to think about what you'll say once your weight loss becomes apparent.
Height: 5'0" HW: 289 SW: 279 
Next Goal: under 250 lbs
If you search the forums, you'll find that whether or not to tell people about the surgery is a highly controversial topic.
One thing that a lot of people agree upon though is that when asked about your weight loss it's best to say either nothing or to tell the full truth. It's fine to tell people about the surgery, and it's fine to tell people that you prefer not to talk about your personal health matters, but telling people things like "diet and exercise" which leave the surgery out of the picture can have a lot of associated problems (including further discouraging others who could be helped by surgery and potential reputational damage should knowledge about the surgery come out and people feel that you lied).
You certainly don't need to tell anyone anything at this point, but it is a good time to think about what you'll say once your weight loss becomes apparent.
I've thought about it and know what I plan to say.
The nurse is a nurse and not a psychologist. Choosing to be selective about who you share your plans to have surgery with is your business.
Some people in support groups feel vulnerable and they don't need a hard-line nurse issuing judgement.
And what difference does it make that this is an 'elective' surgery? Ridiculous. I'm getting ready to go through the process of plastic surgery to deal with excess skin. If I go by her judgement this means I need to tell everyone about it. I'm going to be even more selective about who I share that info with.
Best regards.
HW 262, BMI 46.2 / SW 216, BMI 38.2 / CW 183 / GW 155
*45 lbs were lost pre-op. 5' 3 1/2"
MsLadyKris,
Do what YOU feel is right for YOU. You are the only person who has to live with your decisions.
That nurse was way off base. Was she a WLS patient? I am so curious to know.
Anyway, I told no one from my work nearly 6 years ago. I am very selective about who I tell. Not everyone needs to know. Not everyone will understand and I'd rather not live with any aggravation. I don't need judgments or attitudes from people who haven't walked a mile in my shoes. I am still happy with the way that I had handled this. I am not ashamed to be a WLS patient but I've always conducted myself in a way where my actions are private.
Please consider this as well. If you DO tell people at work, then they will feel it is within their right to comment on, question, and criticize your food choices.
Good luck with your surgery. I wish you all the best.
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MsLadyKris,
Do what YOU feel is right for YOU. You are the only person who has to live with your decisions.
That nurse was way off base. Was she a WLS patient? I am so curious to know.
Anyway, I told no one from my work nearly 6 years ago. I am very selective about who I tell. Not everyone needs to know. Not everyone will understand and I'd rather not live with any aggravation. I don't need judgments or attitudes from people who haven't walked a mile in my shoes. I am still happy with the way that I had handled this. I am not ashamed to be a WLS patient but I've always conducted myself in a way where my actions are private.
Please consider this as well. If you DO tell people at work, then they will feel it is within their right to comment on, question, and criticize your food choices.
Good luck with your surgery. I wish you all the best.
Linda, yes the nurse was a wls recipient maybe 15 years ago. I honestly think she used my issue for a platform for her filibustering. The issue she really wanted to discuss was shame about surgery and it was poorly timed!
I know, I know...I'm giving her an excuse. I just wish I could just go back and redo the conversation. I feel like I just folded as if her word was gospel.
One of the other ladies even raise her hand and told me that she dint tell any either and that maybe she should start telling ppl at work. Yikes!
MsLadyKris,
I think you hit the nail on the head in the observation "I don't feel like me not telling people who I'm not close to equals ...". If you are not close to the people you work with, I wouldn't tell either. Work is a place to go to earn money to live your life...NOT life itself. Unfortunately this nurse and your HR manager sound like they have no life EXCEPT work, and that is sad for them. We have all come across people who have no outside interests, no close family, no non-work friends...their world IS their cubicle/office/etc. So yes, they feel the need to share every personal decision and expect you to do the same. I admire you for starting your journey, and for already having a plan as to what to say to people who feel it is their right to inquire on your physical appearance. Just keep living your life and walking your journey!! Pretty soon they will have another "target" of their curiosity and you will still be beautiful...and thin!!
Sleeved on 6/19/2014 Hw 277 Sw 254 Cw 142 Gw 135
M1 -20 M2 -10 M3 -11 M4 -11 M5 -11 M6 -8 M7 -8 M8 -8 M9 -1 M10 -8 M11 -4 M12 -2 M13-18-5
ONEderland 10/15/2014
MsLadyKris,
I think you hit the nail on the head in the observation "I don't feel like me not telling people who I'm not close to equals ...". If you are not close to the people you work with, I wouldn't tell either. Work is a place to go to earn money to live your life...NOT life itself. Unfortunately this nurse and your HR manager sound like they have no life EXCEPT work, and that is sad for them. We have all come across people who have no outside interests, no close family, no non-work friends...their world IS their cubicle/office/etc. So yes, they feel the need to share every personal decision and expect you to do the same. I admire you for starting your journey, and for already having a plan as to what to say to people who feel it is their right to inquire on your physical appearance. Just keep living your life and walking your journey!! Pretty soon they will have another "target" of their curiosity and you will still be beautiful...and thin!!
BINGO!!!! These are not my friends! I'm so glad you get it! My world is not this office and I plan to tell people who I feel truly support me! Thanks!
