Not telling people about surgery MEANS YOU'RE NOT READY!

I think you nailed it when you said, "I want to be in control of who I tell and who I don't."  It's your life, your body and YOUR story -- not theirs.

The nurse is out of line in my opinion,  I was very open to telling people until everyone and I mean everyone had somethhing negative to say, not one person that I have told has said anything positive from family members to total strangers,  everyone has a horrible story of what happen to someone they know.  So I decided to keep to myself however I dont believe that means im not ready for surgery. My husband is my only support person. 

That is also one of my fears. I don't need all that negative energy.

One of the things that I have found in my 50+ years of life is that the energy/attitude that I give off makes a big difference in how much negative energy I get from others.  

I told a couple of dozen of people (in addition to my family and best friend) about my RNY before I had surgery, and I presented it in a matter-of-fact, "I-have-made-this-great-decision-to-take-control-of-my-weight-once-and-for-all" manner that made it clear that the decision was made, that I was very excited and positive about my decision and my future, and that it wasn't something that I was soliciting opinions on. I didn't have even a single person say anything negative about it, either before or after surgery (other than my brother and best friend saying they were a little worried about how safe the surgery was... and they were both just telling me THEIR fears... They were still very supportive of my decision).

If someone had even started to tell me a horror story of their hairdresser's sister's cousin's girlfriend who had horrible complications and gained all her weight back, I would have cut them off immediately and simply told them that I was very confident in my decision and had no interest in hearing anything negative.

Lora

You are in no way alone my friend, I completely agree!!!!

And I plan on doing the same... This was something I was kind of worried about as well. Oh, and im also in the same position as you are with PTO.. isn't it a struggle...lol

If I were you, I would not even say that much at work.

I would go in and say, I will be needing time off for medical reasons.  What do I need to fill out for my short term disability claim?

Your HR manager does not have access to your surgery type,

You complete paperwork that goes to a third party insurer. That third party reviews your claim with your surgeon, and tells your company that you either qualify or you do not.

To be honest with you, when I had my surgery, I started to tell my manager about it, and he stopped me and said, "it is not my business, please just deal with the STD people".

As far as the nurse goes, I will just say that I disagree.

Sounds like you have a good manager who knows how to be professional! Good for you!

There were a lot of people I did tell, but a lot I didn't. It was hard to say, "I can't do that I will be having surgery and will be unavailable for 2 weeks" without saying what was going on. But I did. I don't think you need to tell everyone. Family and close friends, yes. Telling too many people ahead of time can backfire too, too many opinions. I found that out... The thing that I have had a hard time with is people who I did not tell who obviously know... friends of friends. I realize sometimes it is just conversation, and not necessarily negative, still bugs me. As far as your boss being the HR person, when you submit it you do have a right to privacy. I am not sure how you tactfully remind her of that. Good Luck!

Protect yourself and ignore her. She is wrong. I have the same work boundaries because I am a PROFESSIONAL.  Plus, you are taking care of yourself by avoiding the gossip. It is VERY hard to get government disability. 

Hey Jen, I'm not applying for government disability. Just short-disability through my job which is a benefit I've been paying for almost 12 years.