Hello,

I live overseas, pretty much halfway around the world from my family.  My mother and I are very close.  During our regular video call today, she told me that she has decided to undergo bariatric surgery.  She has struggled with her weight for her entire life, and nothing she has tried has seemed to help in a long-term way.  The fortunate outcome has been that my mother is extremely knowledgeable about nutrition and eats healthier than most people I know.  She has incredible strength and willpower, but I know that her weight struggles have always been a source of frustration, guilt, and depression for her.  Initially, I was shocked and scared for her-- any surgical procedure carries with it inherent risks and I worry about her so much any time she has required an anesthetic procedure.  Our conversation went on for quite a while, during which she convinced me that she has spent a lot of time researching the procedure, finding the right doctor, etc.  She has just begun her initial appointments and pre-surgical counseling, but had waited to tell me until now because a.) she wanted to be prepared with all the information she could have, resources to direct me to, etc, and b.) she was afraid to upset me.

In a way, I suppose I was upset...but perhaps not for the reasons one would expect.  I am so happy and proud of her for taking a big step to change her life and get her health on track.  I was upset, I guess in part due to worry, and in part due to fear that it won't be "her" after she has lost all of the weight (so selfish, I understand).  After our conversation, I began to worry that my reaction hadn't been the one she needed or deserved.  She understands that I fully support her in her decision; I have even begun planning to return to the US in 6 months when she has her surgery to help take care of her and spoil her in any way I can!  I just want to send her a small care package now, while she's really beginning to find ways to tell friends and family of her decision, and while she's beginning to imagine how her life will change (for the better) after her surgery; just something to let her know I am thinking about her all the time, and that I love her no matter what size she is, and that I am proud of her for her decision to become healthier and do something positive for herself.

I have read some other posts in this same spirit, though mostly for post-surgical care package recommendations.  If there is anyone out there who has undergone this  (or has had a family member/friend do so), could you help me understand what it's like leading up to it?  I know it must be a very exciting feeling for a lot of people, but undoubtedly one that is paired with a fair amount of anxiety and maybe even fear.  Was there anything you wish you had had before your surgery?  Is there anything you can think of that would have made the pre-surgical period easier or more enjoyable? 

Thank you, in advance, for your suggestions!  I want to be there for my mother in the best and most meaningful way possible!

If she drinks protein drinks you could get her a shake bottle and a gift card to wherever she gets her protein powder. Or, closer to her surgery date, you could get her some lip balm, new slippers, a nice pillow, and some DVDs for her recovery time.

Pre surgery & post having your love & support is the best thing you can give your mom right now, it is the best thing you can give her. Getting educated as much as you can about the procedure & its requirements pre & post op is something that could help too. 

There was nothing I really needed b4 the surgery & I bought way too much stuff as I had a well I'll get this or that just in case. So I still have little bottles of purell, gas-x strips, tums, soap etc in the house, but still glad that I bought them. There is a liquid diet portion that I had to go thru b4 surgery that was probably one of the most challenging things I had to go thru, & no liquor!, uggh I really missed that, really challenging sipping on water while all your friends are drinking. Having variety helped pre & post op cuz there will probably be a good few weeks where you're only gonna be allowed liquids for awhile, so I had this mexican tortilla broth that was really tasty, I had plenty of sf popsicles for my sweet tooth. I bought protein soup online from sites like bariatric advantage, diet direct, celebrate vitamins & my bariatric pantry to name a few. Keeping up with vitamins is a must, in the beginning I went with a chewable multivitamin, calcium citrate chews, iron with vit c, b12 & vit d. Her dr/nutritionist will give her a list as to what she needs.

Good luck to the both of you!

For me, being sedentary and bad physical shape hindered my surgery. Remember, this is MAJOR surgery and her body will be very angry about it for a while. Tell her to get as much exercise and be in the best physical shape - despite her weight - that she can be. MOVE-WALK before surgery!

Pulmonary embolisms are not rare and is why I spent 10 days in the hospital post-op. I don't want to scare people but everyone needs to know the facts of ANY surgery. Had I paid more attention to my health before, this might not have happened but I know many healthy people that throw these blood clots. The after effects, although temporary (a week to 10 days) are frightening and life threatening.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but everyone needs to know the truth. It has taught me a big lesson and I have been diligent about my health ever since.

There are lots of things you could get her go on Amazon and find some weight loss surgery books or cookbooks. Get her some samples of protein powders to try (vitalady.com is a good place to start), a drink bottle, different sugar free flavors to add to water like Mio or Crystal light, a pedometer so she can see how far she walks. Any thing to do with healthy eating or exercise would be great, you know what type of things she would like in that area.

Good idea on the books.  I bought several before surgery including:

Weight Loss Surgery for Dummies

Weight Loss Surgery Cookbook for Dummies

The Bariatric Foodie Guide to Perfect Protein Drinks

I would pay for a cleaning lady to come in and clean the house. That way when she gets home there are now worries thinking I have to do this and that. I think if you want to get her a gift new measuring cups and spoons. Smaller plates to eat off of. A gift card to a store she has been dying to shop at but couldn't because of her weight.

Thank you, everyone, for your helpful suggestions! My heart feels so warm from all of your enthusiastic replies; it is so nice to know I have found such a positive online support community! I am so thrilled to do some shopping for her...over the years, she has sent some legendary care packages, now it is my time to return the favor!

I mentioned before that I live overseas, just not where-- I live in Japan. Here, portion sizes are generally much smaller than in the US, so I think I will have an easy time finding her some smaller dishes to use (eventually). I'm thinking I might even pick up a bento lunch box for her- great for travel or small snacks when she's out and about. They're small and compartmentalized and Japanese people use them a lot to control their portion size. Maybe a nice water bottle and drink bottle for her as well!

Again, thank you so much for all of the wonderful ideas!!

You say she's already well-versed about good nutrition and eats a very healthy diet, so she's probably got most of that sort of thing covered. If *I* was your mother, what I'd really like would be for my daughter to research WLS as well, so that she'd really, truly understand what I was facing both before and after surgery.

You don't mention which form of WLS she's chosen, and that makes a pretty big difference in the things she'll want and need in her post-op life. Discuss the three forms of WLS with her (VSG/Sleeve, RNY/gastric bypass, and DS/duodenal switch) and choose a post-surgery gift that suits that particular lifestyle. (For instance, vitamins would be a thoughtful gift for an RNYer or a DSer, not so much so for a VSGer.)

I think a bento box is a wonderful idea. I bought myself a child-sized one for bringing my lunch to work. It is something she might not think of... and being you are living in Japan, I am sure she would appreciate the sentiment. Good Luck