Here it is. Your weekly B*TCHFest!

 '


For you NEW KIDS, HERE ARE THE RULES: 

"B*TCHFest"  is provided as a public service to those of us who have gripes and grievances but who (whom?), for whatever reason, lack a regular forum in which to air them. You are welcome to voice any problems - large or small, important, mundane or ridiculous -  that currently have your panties wadded, your shorts frosted and your gears ground. Don't hold them in and risk future medical issues, wrinkles and/or those pesky gray hairs.

ANY and ALL issues that are plaguing you are open for you to voice; there are no "sacred cows." They say that "feelings aren't facts", so if you're feeling it, it's legit to you. NO ONE is allowed to flame a poster for something he or she writes, however commiseration is not only welcomed but encouraged. Please, no personal attacks against other OH members (at least, not by name).

I'll start you off with a few gripes of mine, and you all can join in at any time! No limits - come back as many times as you like!

WARNING! Adult content ahead! Posts may (and probably will) contain "adult" content and language. I know that MINE will. Rated TV-MA.

Let's jump in with both feet, shall we?

I'm heading out the door, but here's a quick one from me: WHY THE HELL DO PEOPLE WALK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FREAKING STREET? We live in an old neighborhood and are fortunate enough to have sidewalks on BOTH sides of every street. But more fucknuts than I care to count think it's a better idea to walk right in the middle of the street - day and night. Every time I see one, all I can think is "roadkill." Idiots.

Future Darwin Award recipients? 

First, thank you for continuing to provide this valuable public service, Bette

Second, yes, why do people walk in the street? And, why, when crossing the street, must they do so diagonally in as slow a manner as possible? Morons.

Okay, I've got a bunch of crap to get off my chest, and I don't mean my brassiere.

Darling Spouse,

If you don't want to go somewhere, just say so instead of dragging your feet for weeks or agreeing but then continuing to raise new 'concerns'. I am completely fine going by myself, but don't dick around until tickets are sold out so I can't go either.

When I pack your lunch every morning, be grateful. The first words out of your mouth in the afternoon better not be how you didn't get something in your lunch. I fail to understand how you are capable of rebuilding an internal combustion engine, framing a house, or plumbing a multistory building but are mystified by the mechanics of putting two pieces of bread around some lunchmeat and putting it in a plastic bag. If you wish to return to yelling into a speaker or gut bombs from 7-11 for food, you can.

Sincerely,

your wife who thought she only had one child left at home to raise

Dear Coworker,

Yeah, I ***** about you a lot. But you are seriously thisclose to me telling you where to jam it. And guess what? It's not just me you've alienated with your constant harping; other people are sick to death of your endless comments and opinions about everything. You want to call me out because you think I calculated something wrong? Tit for tat, honey. How about next time you make a crack about a patient's weight I go to the clinic manager? You know why people call me when they need things done? Because I just do it. I don't have a thousand opinions that I have to voice first. I can actually keep my trap shut. You should give it a go.

Oh, and telling a coworker who is talking about her sick, elderly dogs that she should remember how expensive their treatment is if she ever thinks of getting a puppy? Totally classless-a rude, passive aggressive ***** move. You bite, and if someone bites back you get your ass on your shoulders.

Nice try trying to throw me under the bus to the scheduler yesterday. Didn't work.

Sincerely,

your coworker who wants to not hear your mouth

I am sure these are recycled but they still **** me off.

Please leave your kids home if they are going to scream and have tantrums when they don't get everything they want.  Or at the very least please stop ignoring them and take them somewhere where I don't have to hear them scream.  I realize you probably have gotten very good at tuning him out but I don't have that luxury and I don't want to listen to his screams while I shop.

And to my 19 year old daughter, I hope you are saving money because your free ride will be over soon and good luck finding another free place to stay where you do nothing to help out and expect me to pick up after you.

Now that I refuse to do your laundry it is piled miles high and your solution?  Buy more clothes.  I have not seen you turn on the washing machine once.  I doubt you even know how.  I have purposely avoided going into your room because I know if I do I am going to get very pissed off and I am sick of arguing with you.  Grow the **** up and start helping out around here before you find yourself staying on friends couches.

And for all that is holy, please do not ***** at me when I ask you something.  Save your attitude for someone who doesn't provide you free rent.  When I ask you where something is I expect you to either tell me where it is or that you don't know but I don't want to hear "How the **** would I know?"

And please stop buying food that just rots in my fridge because in spite of your good intentions of eating healthier you are still hitting the drive thru daily and all those fruits and vegetables are going to waste.  I only buy one piece of fruit or vegetable at a time because I know that I won't be able to eat much more then that before it goes bad.  Haven't you gotten the hint that buying a 10 pound sack of potatoes really isn't a good idea when almost all of it is never eaten?

Tell your daughter to buy canned potatoes. Yes, they're more expensive per pound, but they keep practically FOREVER.

People walking in the road that don't move...I have yelled at them "do you have a death wish".  They bug me, they think you can stop on a dime in a 3000 pound car. WTF

Oh lord, don't get me started.  She won't eat anything from a can.  And frozen food if it's been in the freezer more then a week because of "freezer burn" that she is the only person who can see.  For some reason she will eating any old crap that comes out of a drive thru but if it comes from a can it's not good enough.

And she won't use the microwave because it doesn't heat food the way she likes it.  And I don't think she has ever washed a dish in her life.

I really tried with her but she was my youngest, after 4 kids and I was a bit older when she was born and I was TIRED.  I just took the course of least resistance and did everything for her rather than fight and argue and nag for her to do anything, which she never did anyway.

If she didn't get what she wanted she made my life miserable.  I am so glad that is over because she knows that I am more then willing to through her lazy ass out on the street if she tries that crap again.

And I cannot tell you how much money I have saved not having to feed her.

Lady Tazz, I think your daughter and my son must know each other! 

FINALLY, after a year and a half, my son moved out taking his beautiful dog and all his crap with him.  Yesterday, I asked him to bring his dog for a play date with my dog because she missed her and he did.  While he was gone to work, I packed up the dress clothes and wool coat and asked him to take them home with him.  I heard him say outside that he had to make room for it in his car.  HAHA!! NOT MY PROBLEM, SON.  I love you with all my heart and I love your dog as well. But take ALL of your stuff this time!

Dear college freshmen, Grow the **** up. I am your professor not your ******g mommy. When I said, "Don't use your phone in class," what I meant was "Don't ******g use your phone in class." When I said, "Read Chapters 4 & 5" what I meant was, "******g read chapters 4 & 5!! When I said, "Don't talk while someone else is talking, "what I meant was, "Shut the **** up!"  Did I stutter? I've been teaching "adults" for 16 years now and I have NEVER had a whole batch of freshmen who are as rude, clueless and lazy as this bunch. Maybe mommy never told you no because she had no spine, but I DO! And yes I kicked your ass out of class today because we have covered the rules over and over and over. They just keep piling up Fs for not doing the simplest tasks, AND THEY DON'T CARE! I'll have twenty of you crying in my office at the end of the semester because you are going to lose your scholarship, won't be able to play sports, or your parents will "kill" you. You know what? Tough ****