"You really made some people mad about that one"

So my mom bought donuts on Friday. She claims she doesn't know I have a problem with controlling myself around food. I had 3 of the donuts that were in the kitchen. "Those weren't really for you" she said. I told her that she said before she wouldn't buy those things, and she acts like she didn't know. She should because I've told her before. Yes, I made three big mistakes, but I can't change that now can I? It's so annoying to me that she sits there with a low, irritated tone of voice and the evil look on her face. "You have diabetes" I know that! How can she not know that I thought about that already? I'm a little upset.

On top of all that, it sounds like it's her goal lately to find something to blame on me. I am the first one she asks when something goes wrong.

Sadly, we can't control the actions of other people and it sounds like she'll be happy to sabotage you if it's convenient to do so.  So really the only thing you can do is work on shoring up your own defenses.  Are you seeing a therapist?  That might really help you to deal with your mom's behavior.  

I do see a therapist. In fact, I have an appointment tomorrow with him.

It's her house. You are 100% in control of what you put in your mouth. It may sound harsh, but it is true. Get a job and move out if you are not happy there.

i hope your therapist is helping you make a plan to become independent and live your life on your own. 

From this post and others you've made, it sounds like you would really be happier not living with your mom.

I sure wouldn't want to live with my mother.  I'd be quite unhappy.

Well, it is true that your mother did not buy those donuts for you and unless she specifically invited you to have one (or 3), you were put of line to eat them.

As an adult living at home, you should have a system of segregating your food from hers ..... And asking permission or avoiding what is not offered to you.

Personally, when I embarked on WLS, I asked my husband to keep foods I no linger eat out of my sight.

He uses bags for fridge food and has a box in the pantry for other things that I would prefer to not see.   It is NOT MY FOOD ... So I don't eat it.

I have significant control issues with some foods, so I have to remind myself often that it is NOT MY FOOD and if I don't buy it,I can't eat it.

It sounds like you need an adult conversation with your mother about setting some boundaries around foods that you can both live with while you live in her home.

Listen, I can totally relate. I am about 7 weeks post op and truthfully you won't have this problem after surgery. Someone brought 50 donut holes, 24 donuts, a dozen cookies, and two bags of candies to my office on Friday and I wasn't the slightest bit interested. After 7 weeks with very few carbs you just don't have the urge. Or I don't anyway. And trust me, I did the therapy, the dietician, the exercise support and I really thought that after surgery I would go back to my wicked ways, and truthfully I might, but right now I am too invested in this to eat any donuts. Don't worry, you can do this, we all fall off the wagon, the trick is to get back on. 

How do you know she won't have this problem after surgery?  Many of us still crave donuts and have trouble not eating certain foods post-op.  How do you know she won't?

I don't know that she won't, but I do know that sometimes you just need hope and positive energy to get you on track.  She already sees a therapist which indicates she is not taking this lightly, she doesn't need me to chastise her and tell her not to touch other peoples food, she is a grown up. I think she wanted some support. I didn't need to add to the criticism, because again I am quite positive she has that side covered on her own. 

Support is not always a hand pat and a "there, there".  Sometimes it's a kick in the butt!   

OP, you clearly have a difficult relationship with your mother and my (and others) suggestion to make a plan to leave and go out on your own is good advice.   I can't imagine how you will manage your post op life in what sounds like a not ideal psycho/social situation.

If you go ahead with surgery, I wish you the best of luck - I honestly don't feel that you have sufficient social strategies in place at this time to be successful in the long term and would urge you to continue in therapy