How do I break this habit?

You shouldn't feel foolish. We all suffer from some manifestation of depression. I tend to hoard, and have a messy room. Nothing that would land me on t.v., but depressing. My surgery is coming up. I deep cleaned my room and rearranged it. Now it is a light filled place for me to recover. 

I just tried to talk to her about this, and now she's saying it's not a big deal and that it's not that hard to bring things back to the sink when I am done. I just feel like every time I talk to her, she has to be opinionated. I told her I was working on these things in therapy and that if she knew what I talked about there, she would understand how I feel like crap every day not even wanting to get out of bed. I stay in my room just to avoid confrontations with her. That's what I use. Avoidance. I have the same issue with my laundry and my room in general. I just want to get out of this because I hate feeling like this.

I just want to add that I know I am old enough to do these things on my own, it just seems like a mental issue. The only way to change it is to actually do the thing I hate doing. I do want a clean room, and I do want to be able to enjoy picking out my clothes every day, and I want to be able to spend time with my bf without him stepping on the paper, plastic, napkins etc. in my car. I feel mentally stuck in this cycle. I don't think the problem is that I am lazy, I just need some sort of motivation to get me going. I have had days where I broke down and finally got sick of the clutter and cleaned my entire room top to bottom. It just seems like it shouldn't be that hard to do. It just always looks harder and seems more daunting than it really is.

Maybe it's not a big deal to her.  But it sounds like it is a big deal to you.  For whatever reason, you have a difficult time bringing dishes to the sink when you're done with them.  You could use paper plates and then you wouldn't have to take them to the sink (you would  need to throw them away, though) or one set of your own dishes or just eat on your mom's dishes right by the sink so it would be easier to leave them in the sink... but it sounds like it is a big deal to you, so I would choose one of those ways of addressing it.  Leaving dishes in your room for a long time is not working well for you.  So choose a way to change it.

Do you havea reason to get out of bed?  Do you work or go to school or vollunteer somewhere?

It sounds like you don't havea routine ... And that night help you stop isolating and eating in your room and keeping plates there.

Just from a cleanliness standpoint, I would be freaked out by having dirty/used plates or food outside the kitchen/eating area.

I did a few things today that made mom happy: I got up earlier to feed the cats and dogs, so they were happy and quiet for her. I also cut up a melon which wouldn't have been eaten if I hadn't cut it today.

The motivation is there for a few things/I have things that I like to do that are available. Having a positive attitude toward housework and with everything in life is key. After a break (to finish college) from being a volunteer for a cat and dog rescue, it has been awhile since my last visit. They said I was added back into the time clock and computer, so I will be attending soon.

I think I will be happier as I lose the weight, with more energy, and respect for myself. If I can't learn respect myself, then I can't learn to respect others. It just takes me awhile to realize how things really are. The stress bottles up, and I feel like I need to let it out somewhere, somehow. Sometimes I let it out by playing music on the guitar. That way, I am using energy at least. I hope this makes sense, and I appreciate the thoughts. I am just going to have to accept things for they way they are. That's not easy to admit.

I am a freak about having a clean house but I gate doing dishes si I buy throw away plates.

Sounds like you're doing passive-aggressive rebellion.  You don't like to be where you are, so you stay away.  Of course, you eat where you live.  So your mom *****es about the dishes, but gives you a load of bull about stuff.  She's just as passive-aggressive as you are, but she's a bully.

So buy one setting of dishes, one or two glasses, a set of utensils.  Wash them yourself.

Be polite to her.  Don't give her anything to ***** about.

And when you can, get even a part-time job and build up your self-respect and savings.

I have a no eating in my room rule for a few reasons.  Honestly, eating at the dining room table makes me aware, accountable and focused.  Eating in my room, eating alone, eating in the car, eating in secret, all contributed to my disease of compulsive overeating and my obesity.  Not eating in my room also means no dishes or food wrappers to clean up.  I've passed this rule onto my children.  It is really not a difficult thing to take your dish to the sink when you are done (or toss out a recyclable bottle - which is my pet peeve with my son at the moment), but, yes, sure, it does take discipline.  I suspect there is an underlying issue -- rebellion maybe (a common trait of compulsive overeaters) -- that drives this habit. 

I just wanted to take a moment to poke my head in and applaud you for your work in making all of these changes.  Your mom probably helped create much of what you are, but now it's up to you to make yourself who you really want to be, and you're making steps towards that.  This is HUGE!  Just keep working on one thing at a time so you don't get overwhelmed.  Getting into your own space will probably make a huge difference, but the job comes first.  I agree to get something (anything) to get yourself going.  Also, look at internships as well, even though you're out of college.  Many of these are paid, and being fresh out, you can probably still get in and start building a name for yourself.  

Good luck to you - and keep pushing yourself.

I applied for Patient Care Academy at my local community college and already have an education in medical assisting and allied health. I have been working hard at applying myself and sticking with it. The program begins Spring 2015 which will be after recovery from WLS. Maybe by then I will have lost weight and gained more drive to do what I love.

Thank you for your suggestions.