How do I break this habit?

I think I need to learn more about controlling myself. I've had an issue for years of leaving used dishes in my room. They seem to keep piling up on the floor, and I feel depressed when I look at the state my bedroom is in. Unfortunately, I still live at home and this problem drives my mom mad. For some reason I can't break this habit.

When I look down at all of the dishes, I feel sad because I can see why I am struggling with my weight by the number of dishes. I wish I would not be yelled at, lectured, *****ed at about it. I know I would not want to be the one doing all the dishes, but it is confusing because she doesn't allow me to clean my own dishes. She has her own system, and whenever I try to clean them myself, she says I didn't do them good enough.

For example, today it happened again. She asked me if I had dishes and to bring them. Every single time I get criticized, almost put down. The last thing I heard her say as I was walking away was "stupid". That makes me feel GREAT. NOT! It makes me feel like crap. It makes me anxious when she asks me about the dishes because I know what is going to happen when she sees how many I have.

I have talked to my psychotherapist about this habit, and it is on the list of habits I am working on breaking. I hope that I will have progress after therapy sessions. I know it may seem like a strange, disgusting habit. I know that it is. I want to change, but I also don't want to hear that I'm stupid for something I feel I can't control.

Also, I can't wait until I can move out and be on my own. I know that will take time, and that totally sucks! I've been looking for work ever since I graduated college with only 1 or 2 interviews. No success so far. It's hard to feel good about myself when everything seems to be going downhill.

What about getting your own set of dishes?  One plate, one bowl, one cup, one set of silverware, etc.  Just for you.  Make it a different color than the dishes your mom uses.  Even if you leave all your dishes on your floor, it won't be a big pile because all those dishes together wouldn't make much of a pile.  And you'd have to take them downstairs and wash them the next time you want to eat.  And if you don't clean them the way your mom would, that's OK since they would be your own dishes.

When my teenage nephew lived with me for a while, he had a bad habit of leaving wet towels on his bedroom floor.  What I did was buy him his very own towels - two of them in his favorite color.  And informed him he was not allowed to use any of my towels.  If he wanted to leave his very own towels in a wet heap on his bedroom floor, he was welcome to do so.  Of course, then he would not have a dry towel when he got out of the shower the next day.  It did not take him long at all to start hanging up his towels.

Of course, you could also just stop taking dishes to your room in the first place.  If you don't take them to your room, you can't leave them there.

That is why  my nephew was not allowed to eat in his bedroom.

That sounds like a good idea. I also thought of purchasing a pack of paper plates that I keep in my own room for my own use. That way, I stay out of the dishes everyone else uses and that my mom washes. Bonus - just toss them. I know that may be expensive, but it seems better than using up a bunch of water.

Paper plates would work too.

it doesn't take a bunch of water to wash one platelr bowl and one spoon or fork. The method you choose needs to be the one you will do consistently. 

I personally would go the paper plate route with the plan to work into a set of dinner wear/utensils of my own. 

Totally keep your mom out of it what ever you do. 

I would also get a job SOMEWHERE,and be saving every penny of that money toward the day when I got a more permanent job and could move out.

It is hard to totally keep someone out of what you do when you live in their house.  I would not want someone in my home leaving dirty dishes piled up on the floor.  I'd worry about bugs.

it would be possible to keep her totally out of it if the OP got her own set of dishes and washed them herself. 

I wouldn't want dishes piling up either or come to think of it trash bags full of paper plates sitting around.

I agree.

Im not a therapist, im just concerned for you and this habit. I think by switching the plates you use, even if paper to be thrown away, you are not moving in the right direction. By doing this I feel you are still rationalizing the behavior just so that you don't have to hear your mother. Just from your post, it seems like your mom has a control issue - and it definitely seems like the "plates" are the only control you have over anything, except for when you have to bring them in for your mom to clean.

I am not pretending to understand your situation and I do not suffer from an illness like this as you do, but what if you did try to get that 1 plate, 1 cup, and 1 bowl that you always used. BUT only get 1 of them. This way you can't just keep going into the kitchen and getting more and using more plates. Make a pact with yourself that you need to wash your plates when you are finished before getting more to eat. Try it for 3 days or something and see how it works for you.

I hope you can work through these issues and wish you the best luck on your journey.  You control your plates, dont let them control you!

You're definitely right on with that advice. When I read back though, I feel like a fool. It should be simple, and I make it harder than has to be.