How are your kids affected by your WLS? - long

She is the only biological child that I have, but she has an 18-year old stepbrother (who lives with us) and a 20-year old stepsister (who does not). My stepson, my daughter and I had a routine for four full years that worked really well for us... but Daddy was never there. She definitely is NOT the centre of the family universe! Oh hells no! LOL She definitely knows THAT! But it's now the reintroduction of the second parent at home in the evening that has thrown us all into a bit of upheaval. He doesn't know our routine. He is learning.

And sometimes he doesn't stick to the 'order' of things that we used to use. That gives her angst and we see her questioning Daddy's decisions, but she takes my word as law. For example, she knows there is ABSOLUTELY NO TV after supper on school nights. But she tried to bargain with Daddy the other day to get TV (while I was on a long distance call with my family). I had to get off the phone -- I could hear him getting really angry with her and threaten her with a time out -- and I had to go to her to reiterate that Daddy is right, there is NO TV after supper and "You know that rule. That doesn't change because Daddy is home. Daddy is right. There is no further discussion about having TV after supper on a school night. Done." She immediately ceased her protests. She knows not to tangle with me. She is still learning what Daddy will do. And that's a child's job... to test the limits and the teamwork of parenting and see what they can get away with. I definitely know that as does my husband. I totally agree with you on that point. So it's normal that she is doing this with him, I think. But boy, does it cause a whole lot of disagreements in the house! Argh!

Oh have no fear. She has plenty of boundaries that she needs to respect. And on the whole, she's a sweet, caring, SUPER considerate little girl. She's so sensitive... when I'm feeling ill, she will bring me a pillow and blanket and tell me to go lie down for a nap! LOL 

I definitely hear you on the 'not wanting to be a kindergarten or first grade teacher' thing! Yikes! They have the patience of the gods, I'm sure!

Thank you for your input. I definitely appreciate it.

You've got the child's job spot-on.

Parents job = make the rules

Kid's job = test the rules

Parents job = enforce the rules.

You're laying a good foundation, and you and hubby will pat yourself on the back 7 years from now when she already knows that tantrums and meltdowns dont' work.  Good for you!

At five she can certainly express her discomfort if your changing appearance bothers her. I'd be more likely to suspect the change in your routine with her dad or the beginning of school.  My daughter is now 10 and when I told her about my surgery she said she wanted me to stay "squishy" so she could snuggle with me .  So cute. But the loss is gradual, and because she sees me every day I don't think it's a big deal to her. You may be projecting your own emotions about your experience. If you're concerned, you can always bring it up gently and see what she says.

I suspect that it's her having to go back to school and the fact that Daddy is home in the evenings.

But knowing that my weight loss happened in and around some of those two things, I did wonder if it played a part. I think I may be overthinking it though!

I really appreciate your input. Thank you for taking the time to reply.

The biggest part of the regret of having WLS was how it affected my son. (The other regrets are that I chose a horrible surgeon- Kemmerling, a rotten device-Lap Band, and that I have lingering issues from those choices.) 

I had major lap band complications right from the start. My son (who was a young teenager at the time) had to see me in chronic, horrible pain... throwing up if I tried to eat solid foods, crying every day. At the worst point, I couldn't lift my head up from the bed. My son, who is not the most demonstrative person, was crying and literally begging me not to die. He kept saying, "Mom, PLEASE! Get the band out. You'll feel better! PLEASE. Don't die. I don't want you to die!" When I heard these words, I told him to grab the phone for me and I called my surgeon (NOT the first, horrible surgeon, but the one who saved my life- Santiago Horgan) and had emergency band removal surgery the next day. I was so convinced that the damage had been done and band removal wouldn't make a difference. But I was wrong. And my son's plea was the only thing that actually got through to me. I regret that it had to come to that. It shouldn't have been his responsibility. 

My son is now 25 and very thin. He eats a vegan diet. And I rather think that my own weight struggles may have affected him to such a degree that he's afraid of going through the same thing. He's very, very disciplined in his eating and exercise regimen... the opposite of what I've been for most of my life. 

I can certainly see why your son was so greatly affected if you were in that much pain with the band. I'm glad you had it removed.

We haven't had any serious issues/complications to deal with so it's been smooth sailing. She is just starting to make a few comments though about how my bum is a different shape. Little things like that. So it's just niggling at my brain a bit.

On the whole, I think my weight loss has been 'gradual' enough to her because she sees me every day so I am hoping it doesn't affect her that much. I certainly wouldn't want it to.

Seems like your son is disciplined and doing well with his food choices. That will likely serve him well in the future. Oh, to get my stepkids and my daughter to stay away from the junk food... that would make me happy! Just last night I had a little chat with the 18-year old stepson who's consumed two and a half boxes of cookies in about a week. No more. I told him it's not good for him. It's setting a terrible example for the five-year old, and he himself is rail thin... he needs protein and healthy foods for his growing body. I told him if he continues this way, I will take the junk and lock it up. It's there, but it's to be consumed in moderation. And if he cannot moderate it, dammit, I will! LOL

Thank you for your reply. I really appreciate your taking the time to contribute.

After we have WLS, we have a tendency to think that everything that happens in our lives is related to our surgery.

It's not. (*grin*)

Perfect reply. Thank you so much.

I might be overthinking this. I do have a tendency to do that. So taking a step back and looking at it all in perspective is a very good thing.

I appreciate your help!

Surely my 4 yo notices nothing about my weight loss or surgery. My 12 yo really does and it has been quite dramatic for her. But my little one...not at all. I'd guess it is just life with your 5 yo. 

No worries on it being about you!

Perfect! This is what I suspect, but I thought I'd toss the question out there to see what others have experienced.

I appreciate your taking the time to reply.