How to tell my family that I don't want them at the hospital?

Thank you all for the great suggestions! I'm sure it will be ok, I just stress over these things 

I think only you know the real answer to that as every family dynamic is different.  But, since you asked for it, I will share my advice.  

I've always been told that honesty is the best policy.  I know it is not the most comfortable way to approach this, but I can't help but feel that being honest with them is the best way to communicate your wishes to them.  I know that is TOUGH and I wouldn't blame you if you do choose to spin it another way.  If you are honest with them, it could be the first step in repairing your broken relationship with them or it has the possibility of dividing you further.  If you spin it some other way, lie, etc. it could cause further separation but I definitely don't believe it would do anything to help matters.     

just don't give them the date. Just go and have the surgery and don't even tell them you. Have had it until after the fact,and until you feel like dealing with. Them post op.

gl 

I agree with just keeping the date private. You did say that you really only talk at holidays, etc.. so just don't put it out there. Just say you'll keep them updated about your surgery and tell them once you are home, if they ask why you didn't tell them before just play it cool and say you didn't feel up to having visitors at the hospital. If they do happen to ask then I also agree with just telling them you won't be up for visitors at the hospital and you will have your hubby keep them up to date on your condition and they can feel free to visit once your home. If they find out your in laws were they just say they were there to support your hubby. Goog-Luck 

You are having major surgery not throwing a party. Do not feel bad for not wanting your extended family hanging around. It is not disrespectful to ask they not come to the hospital or not telling them your surgery date. Rather you are respecting yourself and your wishes rather than putting yourself second. This is one area where you do not need to be a people pleaser. You and your husbands wishes are number one. Good luck!

Hi! You are absolutely right, I don't want my family at the hospital in that day of surgery. I think is something private , personal , I'm not sick, it's something that I wish to have done for my self and that's that! They not going to know any way, right after surgery I'm going to call my husband , just tell him I'm ok at work, and see him tonight at home , simple- easy and of course efficient ! Good luck to you, and don't tell nothing to nobody, this is all about you and that it!

I have a wonderful relationship with my mother and I asked her not to come to town when I had my surgery.  My reason was that I didn't want to feel obligated to 'entertain', even if it was only trying to hold a conversation.  I wanted to be able to nod off without any guilt or obligations to anyone, and I promised to call her if I needed help.   I also told Hubs to keep my son out of the hospital, for I didn't want him to see me in such a weakened state. 

I can also offer that I shared a room with a drama queen and her family there doting on her half the time and it was quite annoying - so you can use that as an excuse.

All I can say is I just got home from the hospital last night and was in no shape for any visitors other than my husband when I was there. Remember, it's a short hospitalization, but I was out of it and miserable the whole time. Trust me, you don't want anyone there that you're not completely comfortable with, so stick to your guns.

I have went through this kind of issue twice now. Once when I gave birth to my son, with complications of pre-eclampsia, and now with my WLS. My parents have always thought and continue to think that it's their duty to "be there" (only when it's convenient for them and full of potential drama) and are completely oblivious (or dont give a rats behind) to the fact that they stress me out, horribly, even though I have made this clear to them on MULTIPLE occasions.
When I was admitted to the hospital with preeclampsia almost 2 years ago I let the nurses and doctors know that they were not to give my information out, and specifically listed the visitors I was going to allow in. My parents were so crazy they began STALKING my husband!!!! And saying all kinds of rude things to him.
I had my WLS surgery 2 weeks ago and my parents wanted to come down and be with me at the hospital, and luckily we have moved in the past year and live two hours away from them and they wouldn't have been able to make it anyway. But for some reason they were acting like they were going to... maybe to intentionally stress me out? I dunno. So I put my foot down again and told them that if they weren't going to respect my decisions that I didn't need them in my life. And I'm on the verge of drawing that line for the second time in my life because they are not supportive of me doing this, they look at me as a failure for being fat and as a failure for not having the "willpower" to lose weight on my own. They don't believe in doctors. My mom is a total homeopathy wackjob, and they criticize my parental choices as well. I did this because of my son, because I need to be there for him and I want to enjoy our time together more by being able to run and play and be active with him. Since I had the surgery I can't lift anything more than 10 lbs and I sent my son to stay with a friend of ours since there was no one who could come help me, and my parents are making it out like I chose this over being with my kid, like I'm abandoning him or something, even though I go to visit him as often as I possibly can. It's just really crappy that the only person I can trust to watch my kid lives 2 hours away from us. 
And as much as I hate to admit it, it hurts that the only time they want to be a part of my life is when it's been made perfectly clear to them that I would be uncomfortable with it. Did they want to have anything to do with my son after he was born? Only if I wasn't going to be there with them. lol! I was not about to leave my kid with anyone who wouldn't come spend time with him with me there. It's such a weird scenario. And of course they turn around and accuse me of choosing my husbands family over them or replacing them with my friends. Which, yea... I'm going to be open with the people who make a positive impact on my life and support my decisions to better myself. I'm not going to be open with the people who are going to make me feel like I'm worthless no matter what steps I take to better myself.
I am and have always been a large girl. Even when I was in high school, taking martial arts, sparing several times a week, running every day, working out, managing to work TWO jobs AND take college courses on top of everything else... my mother would chastise me about my weight. I was a size 12, 6'1" tall, 200 lbs and athletic. My mother was bigger than me and yet she still made me feel like I was hideous and worthless. And I remember after I got married and put on some weight I went back home and was going through some of my old stuff, she pulled out a pair of my old pants and said "you used to be so skinny, what happened to you." Lol.
Over time I've been developing a callus to thier remarks, and figuring that if I **** them off by not doing exactly what they want me to do or not being as open as they "demand" me to be, worst case scenario is I just draw the line and shut them out. As much as it hurts, it hurts less than listening to them put me down about everything. It hurts less than the drama that accompanies trying to be civil with them. And it hurts less knowing that I WILL prevent them from treating my kid that way.
You have to do whats best for you. Family should not trump that.