How to tell my family that I don't want them at the hospital?

So here it is, September. I’ve made it to my 6^th month of my program. Friday I will have my pulmonary clearance tests and next Monday will be a group session focusing on pre and post-op diets and surgery types. From there, I make an appointment with my surgeon to discuss and schedule surgery. I am thinking if all goes well, my surgery will be late October/early November. I am excited and scared at the same time!

My real dilemma comes from my decision to tell my mother, stepfather and brother that I will be having this surgery. They seemed supportive when I told them. However, my relationship with them has always been sort of distant. These issues have been going on for my whole life (32 years), with my family missing important dates and events in my life. I rarely ask them for any help, and most often I am turned down.  We only really see or talk to each other on holidays and funerals. Sad, I know. But this has me regretting telling them because at this point, I don’t really want them to be with me in the hospital or even know the date of my surgery. I just want it to be my husband and myself. My in-laws are very welcome as I am much closer to them than my own family. I want to have peace in the hospital and be able to rest and recoup without my family drama interfering with my mental and physical recovery. Also, my husband does not appreciate the way they treat me (and him) and it is getting to the point where he may say something to my family about it. I certainly don’t want that going down at the hospital!

Even though there is all this drama, I don’t want to be disrespectful to my family, even though they are sometimes disrespectful to me. Is there a kind way to let them know that I would prefer them NOT to be there without having to dredge up all the past to explain how I feel?

Any advice would be appreciated.

Thank you J

My mother is one of those people who makes everything about her, and I did NOT want to put up with her while I was in the hospital. I used her dislike of being inconvenienced to my advantage by telling her that since it was an hour drive to the hospital and that she would have to pay to park then walk a couple of blocks, I would hate to see her have to put herself to all the trouble. Once I said that, she was far less interested in bothering. I also instructed my husband to outright ban her if she called him to find out where I was, not that I thought she would.

She didn't show up and I had a peaceful recovery.

Angela, 

Your decision to have WLS will have you reexamining a lot of things & people in your life. Which will include  putting your physical & mental health ahead of appeasing others. 

I think you've answered your own question in this post. You said your family knowing your surgery date & coming to the hospital may be stressful for you and hubby.  Don't fret just do what is best for you & your immediate family.  IJS

wishing you a speedy & uneventful recovery

Thank you!

 

Say something like "My surgeon says I'll be pretty out of it from the anesthesia and pain meds and I should rest as much as I can in the hospital.  The hospital rooms are also pretty small so there's not a lot of room for a lot of visitors.  I'd prefer you just come visit me at home once I'm feeling up to seeing people."

Or leave out the reasons why and just say "I'd prefer you to come visit me at home once I'm feeling a little better."

If they are concerned about you, tell them you'll have your husband call them to let them know when you're out of surgery and how the operation went.

The bit about the pain meds and the anesthesia is pretty spot on to the truth. I was wheeled out of recovery into my room at noon, my sister (who I love very much) came by at 1pm and by 1:30 I asked her to leave so I could nap. She lives in another town, so I didn’t have visitors until 9 am two days later when I was discharged. Honestly, I was so groggy and drugged that I didn’t miss human interaction (unless they were bringing more meds lol!)
I’d really go with what Poet_Kelly said and tell them that you’ll not be in any shape for visitors while you are in the hospital.

I think it's OK not to tell them the date, just say "soon" . "I am not sure how I will feel and if I want visitors, so for now I am just having my husband there. I'll see you when I get home." I wouldn't get into a big explanation. More for them to take offense at or argue with you about. Good Luck!

You can just not tell them when the surgery date is and then don't make a big deal out of it later. 

My surgery was scheduled for November, but an opening came up in October.  I did not tell anybody about the date change, except my husband.  I just went and had my surgery and called my family when I got home. If you only see or talk to them at holidays and funerals, then they will not notice you being in the hospital for a few days. 

I agree with just not telling them. Surgery is hard enough to deal with without adding family drama. Just don't tell them.

I would make it about them saying you know flu season is starting and the doctors really do not want a lot of people there.

I love my kids but I did not want them to bring germs or catch any germs from the hospital.