Ready? Set? B*tchFest!!

Oh where to begin??? Hubby lost his job. Son in law lost his job. And now I may have lost my job. Ugh life cuz all I can think about now is I want my shorts frosted and my gears ground. Hmm. Or maybe just some frosting....

Warning: extra cranky old ***** edition

Dear Coworker,

You seriously need duct tape or perhaps a muzzle for your mouth, and I am just the person to help you with that. Let's start with your paucity of vocabulary. You have a sum total of two descriptive words: 'ewww' and 'weird'. FFS, you are old enough to have expanded your repertoire just a tad.

You have a very narrow-minded and judgmental worldview, which is fine for you since you seem happy with it, but why do you feel the need to be so vocal with your opinions? I have opinions too, but I am aware that not everyone wants to hear mine about every.******g.topic.

Whether you are waxing lyrical on how the check in desk should be run (and really, if I hear you should one more time...) to how to reform to society's perceived ills, you just won't shut up. Some of the gems that have come from your mouth: "I just don't see what kind of a parent could do X" Well, wake up, sister, because not everyone thinks like you do.

"Those shoes look like something Lucille Ball would wear" after telling me how much you dislike Lucille Ball. Well, guess what? You will be walking funny with a size 9 polka dot wedge up your ass. I dress to please MYSELF. Not you with your schlumpy ******g baggy ass messy **** you wear. If you think my clothing doesn't cut it, by all means tell HR.

"I don't eat meat on the bone" So I go out of my way to fry you a piece a chicken without bones and then you act like you never said that? *****

 And don't even get me started on how she went to private school and grew up in the exclusive part of town.

LMAO! I used to have a roommate who said, "Ew. I can never eat chicken on the bone. It reminds me that it used to be an animal." ***** the fact that it's called CHICKEN should remind you that it's a animal!!!

 Exactly. I don't understand why everything has to be sanitized because people are so all-fired squeamish.

Don't know how you put up with her as long as you did.  Isn't there a slap a hoe day at work?  Because that's what I would do.  She would really be taking a trip to the moon.

I work in HR. It would be great if it weren't for the people...

I work for a non-profit. We have been taking this way too literally and now my work life is nothing but cut this, minimize that, eliminate that other thing. Sometimes (in business) you can be too thin!

I am less than 2 pounds to goal. Don't get me wrong, this is awesome...however...I want it NOW! Since my exercise has increased, I'm building lots of muscle. This is also awesome. I'm shrinking and I feel great but I still want that number on the scale!

And women's clothing sizes... WTF?? At least with men's a 36" waist is a 35" waist. With women's you could be a 6, 8, 10... Makes me crazy. 

And **** you, red velvet cake, for your presence at the retirement reception today.

Kudos to you, I could never handle HR!  

Please die a slow, agonizing death, my piece of **** boss.

After asking me to have an award certificate professionally framed that we received from our parent company, I took it to Aaron Brothers and had it triple matted with a classic black frame at a cost of $250.  He told his secretary "Why did she get it so big?" and didn't have the balls to confront me himself.  Someone told me to go into his office today and check out the award.  He removed it from the custom frame, threw away the frame, glass and matting, and put it in a cheap plastic frame and hung it on his wall.

I hate this man with a passion.  And I have a million stories about him.  A few months ago, he was backing his BMW 550i (company paid for) out of our parking lot.  Directly behind him were steel coils weighing up to 45,000 lbs.  They are there everyday.  For some reason, on his particular day he forgot and backed his car directly into a coil.  His car has backup cameras - I guess he doesn't use them.  He then gets out of his car, hands his keys to a shipping clerk who only speaks Spanish and tells him to "take care of it."  He runs off to catch a ride with someone else and leaves the car running.  He hit the coil so hard that it exploded the air bag in the head rest.

We took it to the shop for repairs and refused to drive one of our spare Toyota Camrys (fully loaded edition) because it wasn't a BMW.  He wanted me to rent a BMW for him and I refused. Our plant manager convinced him to drive a spare Ford Edge that we own, telling him it's a more "manly" vehicle.   I have no doubt in my mind that he's a self-loathing closeted homosexual. He drives to Tijuana every weekend to get his groove on with whatever Latino male prostitute floats his little dick that day.

Wow, I feel so much better.  If you can't kill them, tell the truth about them.

 Oh my gawd, I'm dying. Work would be so much better without coworkers.

It was your coworker post that set me off and inspired me