I failed

I had Gastric Bypass in 2009 and I successfully lost 185pds. I was eating right and working out...doing all the "right" things. And then the nightmare started. I started gaining weight back and it was slowly creeping back. I gained 60pds back and had a revision surgery. I really believed that this was going to help me because I did indeed stretch my pouch. As today, I have gained a total of 115pds back from my initial surgery in 2009.

I know that if I want to get rid of this weight then I need a better diet and to commit to a fitness plan. I try over and over and get so disappointed.. I go right back to square A. Then I'll get over it and try again. I'm just between a rock and a hard place. 

I am so sad that I let myself go and I'm so sad that I have failed over and over. I get the whole lifestyle change..believe me that I know all this. 

Sorry! I'm doing this on my cell phone and the post got all funky. I'm not looking for "poor nikki" replies. I just had to let this out. 

Nikki

Nikki - okay. You screwed up. But you know what you did, and you know what you have to do to change. You're not the first person it happened to, and you won't be the last.

We all go into this thinking it's going to be the last time we have trouble with our weight, but it's not always that easy.

Have you considered counseling?  It sounds like you are still stuck in the old "dieting" mentality --which failed so many of us over and over again for so many years -- and that you could really benefit from working with a professional who can help you look at your behaviors (and the thoughts/emotions behind them), help you deal with the psychological part of things, and help identify changes that you can make. 

You are not alone.  Many people find that addressing psychological issues is critical to long-term success.  Most of us have some type of psychological contributors to our obesity, and we ALL had behavioral contributors.  A counselor can help with both.  

Don't beat yourself up. You don't say what kind of revision surgery you had, but if it was any of the ones designed to "fix" a stretched stoma, most of them have abysmal success statistics so that "failure" isn't on you.  Ultimately, pouch and stoma size don't determine long-term success... Behavior and food choices do, and you can get help for both of those.

Lora

It's good to see you back, Nikki. Stop disappearing. Looking at your posting history, you have been fighting this demon for a while. I hope you are seeking help from a therapist. The mental part is the hardest. Revision surgery is not going to fix your thinking.

Make a plan and stick to it. Forgive yourself and stop calling yourself a failure. Take things one day at a time. It is hard work to lose weight and even harder to keep it off. You have to believe you are worth the effort. You are.

Any one can out eat any of these surgeries.

They do surgery on our tummies, not our heads.  Maybe now that your tummy is fixed, you can work on the head part.  Many of us need that as much if not more than our tummies getting fixed.  No shame there, unless you don't follow through.

Can't afford counciling?  look into overeater Anonomus.  they have chapters everywhere and its free.

Are you still getting treatment for your Bi Polar?  Are you seeing a therapist?  It seems like you need to get the mental game in place before you'll be able to have success with the physical part.  

I see a therapist and there is many discussions covered and a lot of conversions are on weight and eating. a psychiatrist for the bipolar aspect. Dietian as well.

The secondr surgery to tighten my pouch. 

O.M.G I cannot type correctly using my phone lol