Support is ......

I understand, I read thru the posts and I was like OMG, WTH! I think everyone was so caught up in their own point of view they couldn't see anyone else point of view, & round & round they went. Whoa there's more drama? Can this be the start of The Real Housewives of Obesity Help Forum?,LOL. 

Could be a hit! Do the tv people pay for ideas?

Let's skip the middleman, you can put whatever you want on YouTube and do it yourself! Get a vitamin company to sponsor us and pay in pills, and we'll be set for life! :-D

This times a million! 

My $0.02: Support is about helping others to be successful in their journey in a way that has a direct impact on them. Yes, sometimes this can be fluffy; when we're feeling discouraged when there's really nothing seriously wrong, a "hey, you're looking great, keep at it!" is super helpful. But most of the time it is far more effective and meaningful when there's substance there.

Example: If I had a piece of broccoli in my teeth before a job interview, I want to hear about it, and if you have suggestions on how to do it without looking like a goof that's even better. Or maybe show me an article about how to keep veggies out of your dental work since apparently a lot of people run into it and there's a convenient pamphlet about pre-interview hygiene. Saying, "oh you look fine, the interviewer won't even notice" is pointless; nobody in their right mind would think that supportive. And so it goes here.

If I grump about the scale not moving, and I admit that I've been slacking on the exercise (stupid Arizona summer!), telling me "hey, that's OK, you'll get around to it" is NOT supportive. While it may cheer me up a bit, it doesn't help me to be successful. Instead, saying "have you tried at least walking a bit? It's hard to lose when you're sitting around, maybe you should call the surgeon too" is FAR more direct and useful and supportive. "People who don't exercise are never going to lose weight, WTF are you doing here?" is obviously not, and I have NEVER seen that sort of thing from any reasonable veteran.

If you want sparkles and hugs and sunshine, that's your deal. You're free to make a group where you post helpful slogans and pat others on the back without public input. But the warm fuzzies and positive-thinking didn't help us lose weight before, and it doesn't help now. We need support, REAL support, to get **** done; that's why I'm here and I have the discussions that I do. And that's OK with me.

This post makes absolute sense!  I was one of the respondents on the other thread that said I don't ask questions on this forum because of the negative responses I have seen (none to me personally).  As I was reading the other thread...what you just posted was what I was thinking.  You can be truthful and honest and telling it straight up, not sugar coating the hard facts without calling people names.  Saying "Don't be an idiot" vs "You are an idiot" 

I have been called names most of my life and have gotten used to it.  On a forum entitled, "Obesity Help", you don't expect to be called names.  So it was very surprising to me to see some of the name calling in a few threads.  This process I'm going through before surgery with all the tests and classes, etc. has been eye opening and made me realize a lot about myself and what a huge life changing decision this is. I admit, I have noticed I've become a little stressed and emotional during this time (mostly because I'm afraid my insurance won't approve and that will end this because there is no way I could ever afford to self pay anytime soon). So when I started reading other posts on this forum (which was recommended by my surgeon) and saw a few really nasty replies to other posters - I decided I wouldn't ask another question here because I didn't want to deal with the negative responses.  

Having said all that, I have learned so much from this forum and know if I ever have a question or concern about the surgery or after, I can search this site and most likely find the answer without having to actually post a question.  If not, there is another forum that I do feel comfortable asking questions on.  So to all the newbies who have come before me to ask the questions and to all the vets who answer them I say THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!! 

I completely missed the 12-page 'Amber' thread, so I don't know what precipitated this thread. However, I've been reading here for about eleven years now, so I can kinda guess.

I agree that no one should be intentionally nasty in response to an innocent question. The problem begins when someone takes offense when none was intended. "Saying "Don't be an idiot" vs "You are an idiot" sounds good to ME---but there are lots of folks *****ally don't see the difference between the two. So they take offense, get snippy, the first poster gets snippy back, yadda yadda yadda.

A lot of the time, posters who get into an argument have a posting history that newbies may not be aware of. There may have been PMs we'll never be aware of.

What I'm trying to say is that the nastiness you're seeing isn't directed at you. Don't let it put you off asking questions, just keep in mind that the vets here have most likely answered all the 'common' questions a gazillion times before, and you can read ALL those responses using the search feature. Vets LOVE to see new, interesting, thought-provoking questions---but the three-week stall is really getting OLD...(*grin*)