Support is ......

  A voice of reason and logic in a sea of insanity. 

Love you, Kate. 

I am a 28 year WLS vet.  I had VBG in 1986 and due to mechanical failure (and admitted bad eating choices) I had a revision to RNY in 2010.  I feel I have a lot to offer in terms of advice.  I am also counting on others to keep me honest.

If I have a slice of cheesecake in my hands, I would rather someone sending crashing across the room screaming, "WTF are you doing? You took drastic measures to lose weight.  Don't be an idiot and wreck your progress for a piece of cheesecake" than pat my hand with a "There, there".  As an obese minded individual, I know myself well enough that someone telling me, "It's OK...So you ate that cheesecake.  You can start over tomorrow" is NOT going to help me.  I know that I will use that comment as an excuse to eat what I want, whenever I want it.  

We are masters at denial and excuses.  THAT is how we got morbidly obese in the first place.  If I had been honest about the amount of food and the quality of the food I was eating, I would not have allowed myself to get huge.  We've said things like, "I deserve this ice cream .  I've had a hard day" or "I don't eat very much.  I don't know how I can possibly be gaining weight" as you polish off the box of Girl Scout cookies you were hiding from your family.  I've seen people post that they only eat 500 calories a day and have gained 20 pounds.  That is scientifically IMPOSSIBLE.  That person needs a SERIOUS wake up call.  They usually admit (after getting upset for being questioned) that they are not measuring their foods or that they "just can't eat protein" so they are living on Ritz crackers.  Getting real with yourself and getting your head in the WLS game is crucial to your success.

I agree with Kate. Before you pass judgement on a responding vet...check the posting history.  Sometimes the same folks keep coming back with the same question because they don't like the truthful answer they got the last ten times they posted.  Some times there is a years long history between posters that newbies know nothing about.

WLS is a last resort for most of us.  When you decide to re-arrange your guts to lose weight,  it's time to "get real" about how you ended up here and show some accountability.  I come to this site to be held accountable for my actions.  I don't want people to pat my hand and tell me that it's OK that I fell off the wagon.  I want someone to step up and tell me the truth.  My obese mind is looking for any excuse it can find to gorge myself on unhealthy food to hide my feelings.

I have been on these boards for about 6 years.  I have seen people come and go.  I've watched them get upset over honest answers to their questions and they leave OH complaining of "those mean,old, vets' only to return three years later complaining that they have re-gained most of their weight.  I remember people posting about stopping at KFC on their way home from the hospital.  I've watched people die because they could not control their food addiction and ruptured their suture line.  This **** is REAL.  If a vet speaks up, bluntly, it's because we have seen way more tragedy than we care to and we want to see you succeed.  Are some people crass and uncouth? Yes.  But I genuinely believe that most of the vets have their hearts in the right place and are pulling for your success. 

Great post!

I can't tell you how much information- and support- I have gotten here.  I learned so much before I had surgery so I knew what to expect post-op.  

   I learned a lot of people have problems with the taste of protein shakes, but they are so necessary.  Learned where to look for recipes for tasty shakes.  And where to buy samples of different brands so I didn't have to spend a fortune to try them out.

   Learned about stalls - they are to be expected, and two days of not losing weight does not mean you are stalled.  Just keep to program and the weight will come off.

   Knew there were "Eating Stages" post-op and they need to be followed - not rushed through.  Knew pizza and alcohol were "off limits" for a long time.

   Knew other posters are not medical doctors, and if I think I'm having a medical problem, I should call my doctor.  Other posters can give you the benefit of their experiences, but not medical advice.

   Knew some people will tell you anything you do (like constantly making bad food choices, drinking alcohol, not measuring or weighing food, etc.) is "ok" while others will tell you it's "not okay".  Sure, we all have slips once in a while, and life throws us curve balls, but we have to deal with life.  If you have a family member who is suddenly hospitalized and you are working, going to hospital, caring for your family, your new healthy eating style is going to fall to the wayside for a while - but that's different than "Protein Shakes Make Me Gag" or problems of that sort.

I've posted a few topics in the past where I got a dose of "you're a meanie" and "I don't agree with you" - made me re-look at my post and think about it twice - but everyone has the right to post their opinions, even if they don't agree with me.

OH is full of people from every walk of life - and here, as in "real life" we have to get along as best we can.  So read, read, and read some more, and learn every day.  I go into withdrawal if I can't get my daily dose of OH!

How did Jack Nicholson put it!  You can't handle the truth.  I prefer getting the truth.  Yes it's not what I want to hear but it's what I need to hear.

Heck yes! Sometimes you just need somebody to stare you down and tell you to put away the potato chips...

At last - a breath of sanity!

There are people on OH who are crazy, there are people on OH who are downright mean, and there are people on OH who are clueless, but the vast majority of us are none of these things and are here to get information or give information.   I just don't see the meanness that keeps being brought up! Posting history is key and people with questions should always consider the source of the information they are given.

As a 10 year vet, I KNOW how I should be living (not to say I always do what I should) and I feel very strongly that I should pay my knowledge and experience forward.   The caveat to that is that I will NOT encourage you to do stupid stuff; I will not pat your hand and tell you everything is going to be ok if you continue to do stupid stuff - now if that makes me mean - then so be it.   

Noone gets to tell me or anyone else HOW we should post on OH - except Eric Klein and his mods!   There is a TOS here that keeps us all on the straight and narrow - we are not allowed to attack people, and if posts are reported for that, the mods do pull them and send you a hand slap email!   Every so often we get someone with sensibilities that aren't in line with a public forum who attempt to tell the vets how mean they all are and it's just a bunch of hokum!  If you want a rainbows and unicorn place - start your own group - it probably WON'T help you be successful as honesty and reality are key factors in our long term success - but you'll be able to fail without your sensibilities being affected.

There is a great place to go if you want to get honest, adult information on your surgery or your life - come to R&R 3.0, the place where we hand out hugs where needed and kick asses when needed.   Forum nannies need not apply because we cherish honesty - but anyone else is free to join if they have a posting history!

No one should ever be "scared" to post on the public forums here - and if we do see anything that we think is mean, we should step up on that thread and support the person on the end of the mean comment - starting a separate thread talking about anonymous mean people serves no purpose other than the AWing of the person who starts the guessing game!

I have to be honest and say that no one has ever sent me a mean PM complaining about anything I have posted on the boards (good luck with that if you tried LOL)  but if anyone here does receive an abusive PM, I'm sure the mods would be more than happy to act on it - but they can only do that if it is reported!

ETA:  Like Kate, I am also English by birth, although now a US citizen, so I may use weird (to our US peeps) phrases and put "u" in my words.   My tone may be different to what you expect and culturally we don't generally do the over enthusiastic lovey dovey type stuff when we write.   We are, however, endlessly wonderful and entertaining 

Not to mention colourful. 

You know it 

This is a very nice post, I just hope it isn't a response to the Amber post of just be nice. There is just a little too much drama going on these boards lately. I might give up some of my reality shows & just hang out here! LOL

It is simply an attempt to help people understand that honesty IS the best form of support, that support may not tell people what they want to hear but that the majority of people posting are doing so with no malicious intent.  I did take a look at the post you refer to and after reading the first page. I (metaphorically) threw my hands up in despair at the inability of people on all sides to understand the points of view of others. This post is not intended to be controversial. It is not a direct response. It is an attempt to support. 

Mind you, if you want drama, you ain't seen nothing yet! These boards sometimes explode!!! LOL. Actually, that is an example of not hearing the words which are written.  I felt it necessary to add LOL just in case someone read that sentence and thought I was ".getting at you" instead of making a (feeble!!) joke.