Just a rant... Why I DON'T want people to know about my surgery

I'm two weeks out. I'm not embarrassed. I can handle back handed compliments. I can handle educated conversation, if I'm in the mood. But I hate going out to lunch and hearing the following comments (all of which happened this weekend):

-I'm sorry I'm eating in front of you.

-Why don't we go to that buffet? There are so many different options for you?

-You just had surgery. Sit down, relax. I'll prepare you a plate.

-Aren't you thirsty? Oh yeah.. you have to wait.

-Aren't you hungry?

-I'm sorry I'm still eating my meal.

-Why didn't you get a salad?

- You should have gotten the broth soup.

-Have some water. You need to stay hydrated. Oh.. sorry, forgot again.

-Are you feeling okay? I knew you should have eaten.

-Are you sure you're okay?

-Here, sit down and have some water. Oh yeah....

 

My new response is "I will let you know if something is NOT okay." Any other ways to handle this? GOD it's annoying!

I know my surgery may be a hot topic of conversation, but I've talked about it over and over for months now with my medical team and my fiance. I feel great. I know you're concerned but I'm not. I know you're curious, but I'm not. I'd rather talk about the weather. I'd rather I never told you.

I have found that I can have one in depth discussion with people I'm going to eat with, and that seems to solve the issue.  

From there, it's good to have a script that you stick with.  "I find the topic of my post-surgery life to be the most boring topic ever, let's talk about something else.  How about ______."  Then change the subject.  Stick with the same script Every Single Time.  Eventually people will get the hint. 

Your people care about you, educate them and move on.  This is all new for everyone involved, they won't be interested forever.

I can see how irritating it must be but it all sounds supportive. They are not telling you to eat more, telling you you are losing too much etc.. They sound genuinely helpful. 

i recently had a medical issue and all my family are just being too helpful! I can pick up the kettle, honestly!! But it is because they care! So I accept it! If they were critical, unsupportive, that would be different. 

I think when people don't know what to do they end up asking a lot of questions and talking a lot.It will happen for a while people asking questions.It is just like people who are food pushers they are like don't you want another piece of pizza after you have had three pieces already.Or You gotta try this.

I am sure they are concerned and don't know what to do.The food police are even more fun.

I've been surprised by the curiosity of people around me when they get a hint of the fact that I've had surgery (this is primarily at work).  I had been keeping it pretty much under wraps, and then one day at lunch, I surprised myself and two co-workers by telling them both that I was having it done.  It ended up being a huge relief to me.

But, I can sympathize with your situation.  I'm single and live apart from my extended family, so I don't have that daily interaction with folks who could potentially drive me crazy - now I only have to give them updates on the phone once a week about my progress.  But even THAT is going to get old after a few months!

The challenge I worry about is two years down the road when acquaintances say things like "Are you supposed to be eating that?" etc... I sure hope that doesn't happen :-)

I felt the same way until I lost my first 100 pounds, then no one could shut me up and those comments will be replaced with different comments.

-I'm sorry I'm eating in front of you.

I wish I had ate what you did.

-Why don't we go to that buffet? There are so many different options for you?

How can you have such will power, I am so jealous

-You just had surgery. Sit down, relax. I'll prepare you a plate.

Where did you get all that energy, you make me tired jus****ching you

-Aren't you thirsty? Oh yeah.. you have to wait.

What was tha****er thing again?

-Aren't you hungry?

Sigh I am so hungry all the time

-I'm sorry I'm still eating my meal.

God you look great

-Why didn't you get a salad?

God you look awesome

- You should have gotten the broth soup.

I should have gotten broth soup

-Have some water. You need to stay hydrated. Oh.. sorry, forgot again.

I think I will go drown myself, I wish I looked like you

-Are you feeling okay? I knew you should have eaten.

You are so small!

-Are you sure you're okay?

Man oh man you are soooooo OKAY!

-Here, sit down and have some water. Oh yeah....

Can I have some of your water so I can look like that?

 

I LOVE THE REPLY FROM KATY S.!! AWESOME!!! LOL......BUT YES MA'AM IT HAPPENS. I had the same issue. Don't let it get to you. Everyone here gave some excellent advice. It's actually helping me. Thanks for posting this gnoff886!! Good luck on your journey!!!

Some of these responses are amazing! I'm gonna smile and change the subject, and in a bit, people will lose their interest. My fiance had RNY 1.5 years ago, and lost 250 pounds. He surpassed his goal weight, and is LoVING life. He's 6'5, about 225 pounds, and is all muscle (and skin lol). Anyways, he just started a job as a mail man a few months ago and walks between 10-15 miles a day. People still make comments to him, or to me, about his food choices. He tells me that it bothers him to know that people watch and evaluate what he eats, but he still did all the hard work. They can think all they want, but it's because they aren't making the right choices for themselves, nor are they putting in the effort.

Anyways, side note, he walked into the room just now and said , "Wow, are you looking thin! In your face - You look 22 again!" That was my first real compliment since the surgery. I'll take it! :)