To tell or not to tell....

I did not see any jealousy or judgement on your part. Don't judge whole OH with one person.

BTW: sometimes we need the people to be...  

The best was for you, IMO , is to try to distant yourself from the "friend" .   it is her journey.  You can't help Her by worrying about her.  It will only upset you.  

I had a "friend" like that... I had to distance myself, and when she called me with question later on - I simply would tell her to call our doc - I would not waste my time to listen to her - knowing she did not follow the plan or advice.  

You are the one out of line, Keeshja, This woman is only concerned that her friend is putting her life at risk by not following the surgeons orders. They are not "suggestions", they are orders and supposed to be followed. Both the smoking cessation and the pre-op diet are orders for a reason  -- a safer surgery.

The OP is "running her own race" just fine, it sounds like. You don't seem to have much reason for your personal attack on her.  The post wasn't about her, nor did it read as if she wished her friend to fail -- she just wants her friend to follow pre-op orders and NOT hurt herself through non-compliance now or in the future. Caring about the health and welfare of a friend is a good thing, not a cause for accusations "read between the lines".

I would hope the friend's surgeon will be able to tell if she really quit smoking before he puts her under. If she claims she quit and dies under anesthesia while on the table due to compromised lungs, the surgeon ought to not lose a lawsuit for negligence since the woman lied. When he takes one look at her weight loss history from the start date to surgery date he ought to have an idea of if she really complied with the pre-op diet. But her health and survival is on the surgeon's shoulders, not the OPs, so if I were her I would just let the friend learn her own lesson the hard way. Hopefully the hard way does not include dying.

I a!m not sure how could you see jealousy.... ????

You are kidding ? Right?  

What IS it with people here crying "Jealous!" every time someone disagrees with another's behaviour? The OP has NOTHING to be jealous about! The OP has her act together, has had her surgery, is losing well---why on earth would she be jealous of her obviously screw-up friend?

Sheesh!

You can only control yourself.  I know this sounds harsh, yet it doesn't sound like much of a friendship if she wants you to help her fail.  Will she then turn around and blame you?  I don't know, but I do know you can only be responsible for yourself. 

Are you kidding with this?  You care more about some surgeons program then your friend.  Wow is all I can say.  Obviously with friends like you she doesn't need enemies.  Hopefully she catches on and sues you for talking to HER doctor without her permission.

I never said I cared more about the program than the friend.  I said I cared about both.  This really is an evil place isn't it.

Lucy,

Yes, there are some rude, condescending, snarky people on here. They are far more good people wanting to help. When you come across those mean, negative one**** block and report. Don't even try to reason with them. Although if you let them rant on, they just make the point of how ignorant and narrow-minded they are.

I read nothing in your OP that points to you being jealous. You are just concerned and trying to come to an answer as to what to do. I wouldn't know what I would do either. But it may have been handled by your surgeon already. He and his staff are going to know she's not following their orders (since she's already failed a nicotine test they'll keep doing them). Also, if she doesn't lose the weight on the pre-op diet.  It's a touchy situation with the health privacy laws. Take care of yourself and congratulations on your success!

no, LucyLucyLucy, OH isn't evil, but there are some questionable personalities on here for sure. As you learn who those are you can just block them (that's why I couldn't read MyLady Heidi's post except that you quoted it, for instance.)

You're in a tough spot. I'm not a fan of someone who HAS TO GAIN WEIGHT just to qualify for surgery. She doesn't take any of the requirements seriously which can have serious health consequences. Just wait till after surgery when she decides blood tests aren't really necessary or eating steak the 2nd day after surgery is fine because "they won't know". She sounds like a wreck and the OP is worried for her. Nowhere in her post does she sound jealous (actually the other person does), mean, or vindictive, just worried about someone she knows. You people attacking her are just ridiculous. Most likely you're hoping this other woman joins here, fails, and asks questions so you have a new target to scream at for failing.

That being said, OP I don't think it's your place to contact the surgeon. I'd do my best to talk to this person and convince her she is being self destructive - which we all know will most likely fall on deaf ears. Another choice would be to talk to your clergy. If you are both religious his words to her may help. Most likely nothing will work, it sounds like she is hell bent on doing what she wants to do, consequences be damned. Your next decision will be if you want to watch the train wreck and help pick up the pieces, or distance your self now. Good luck