To tell or not to tell....

There is some one I am friends with at church.  As soon as she heard I was having bariatric surgery (I had a sleeve on March 31st) she decided she needed to have one too.  Looked at the criteria and decided she had to gain 15 lbs to qualify which she did.

She is scheduled for her sleeve in July.  After talking with her the last few times I have concerns about the way she is handling things.  And I am wondering where the line is between being a friend, being a Christian and my concern to protect the integrity of the program and the surgeon.

She has some mental issues (don't we all lol) but when she was struggling she went to a halfway house where they are not allowed to report her to the surgeon and not her counselor who is bound to report it to the surgeon.  Therefore the surgeon does not know of her potential meltdown.

She quit smoking for 3 days (taking extra medication to get her through) to pass a urine test for the nicotine and the started smoking again.  She was to start her liquid diet yesterday and was going to quit smoking (when I asked her) at the same time.  But my concern is the surgeon wants you away form nicotine for 2 months and her surgery is in 2 weeks.

When she questioned me the other day day about the 2 weeks of liquid and i was upfront with how she will feel...she said it sounded too hard, so I do not believe she will follow it.  She kept asking what foods she could cheat with and I told her she can't and she said, "They won't know".

As it is, when I took her for testing the surgeon (we have the same one) really grilled her on quitting smoking, she said she would go with e-cigs and he said NO!  It is the nicotine he is concerned with.  It has to be 2 months.  She started to tell him it was too hard and he looked at her and said I cannot do the surgery if you haven't stopped.

So apparently she is not doing what she should...I am concerned for her health, I am concerned/have much respect for the bariatric program and my surgeon.  

So, do I let the surgeon/center know what she is up to?  I know I am risking the friendship but I also know what can happen is she does not follow thru.  

This is weighing so heavy on my mind and heart....

wow what a pickle:( I feel for you. pray that she gets found out during tests. Sounds like the surgeon was on to her any how. wow

Although it sounds like she (may never be) isn't ready, it's her decision and not yours. The doctors can tell who follows orders and who doesn't. Her final screw up sounds like it will be the 2 week fluids only and if she doesn't lose the weight before surgery, they won't do it.  But again, this is her decision.

You're being a good friend by caring, but you can't control what she does or doesn't do.  Good luck.

Won't the surgeon test her for nicotine before her surgery?  I think you should stay out of it.

I suggest that you just concentrate on your own weight loss journey and your own well being and not worry about what your friend is or is not doing.  Pray for her that she will be successful and things will work out.  You have no control on what she does and so to worry about her choices just isn't in your best interest.  I understand how frustrationg it is for you.  I wish you all the success in your journey!

You just have to watch the wreck happen. Something similar happened to me when I got banded. Girl was eating chicfila chicken nuggets TWO WEEKS post op! She said her surgeon allows solids at two weeks and the chicken nuggets were only 4 weigh****chers points (because somehow a post op follows weigh****chers guidelines?). Anyway. It happens. Nothing that we can do other than pray for them and try to help them make better choices.

Just reading between the lines ... You sound like your not her real friend, And your jealous of her.  Just my opinion  You should just support her if she is 15 pounds away from needing the surgery than she needs it. 

Keeshaja,

If you are reading between the lines and coming up with this assumption...I have wonder why you would think so negatively. I have nothing to be jealous of...I quit smoking 14 years ago...I had my surgery on March 31st and as of yesterday have lost 77 lbs, feeling great, off of many medications and doing things I have not done in 15 or more years.  And my marriage of 33 + years (which has always been great is better yet ).So there is nothing for me to be jealous of.  You are delusional.

Why is it so hard to believe that I actually care about a) her health and as one put it the train wreck that is coming and knowing the damage she can do to herself can be devastating and b) that I believe in the surgery and the program so much that I just didn't want its integrity damaged.  

Jealous????  OH man, ...I am so HAPPY for ANYONE who takes this step...but if it is done wrong....ya can die!  Sorry if I care about my friend enough to not want that to happen.  Maybe you are the one with issues...I don't know. 

Ya know I thought I could come here for some honest advice not judgement.  I was wrong.  Thank you to those who tried to help but I am so outta here.  All I wanted was to figure how to deal with the worry and if I should step in or not to help.  i did not know what else to do.  

I just this evening contacted a friend's son (his mother asked me to) 2000 miles away who is considering this surgery and wants someone to talk to.  To encourage him.  To listen to him.  I was gonna send him here but I don' think so.  Good luck to you but I do not deal with negativity and judgement.  

I did get my answer thru prayer and that is, that I have done what I can and she is going to have to make her mistakes.  I cannot stop her fall only she can.  But you can have your judgemental attitude...that is not what I am about.

You need to focus on running your own race lady Lol you aren't concern about her getting healthy, your concern about her not being a good candidate...and taking the spot light off of you..you want honest advice but you can't handle the truth  You asked for advice this is my opinion you claim you care so much for her , however your throwing her under the bus (yet you call me judge mental ?) oh! Lol that's funny. This is like the third post I've read about some chick having surgery than her BFF wanting to have surgery and the so called friend explaining why their friend who they claim they love dearly is not a good candidate   But I'm the negative one ?!  Oh okay  Good luck to you too 

I wanted advice not an attack.

Time for me to read between the lines.

You are full of venom and on the attack so you are judging me by the way you operate which is not how I operate.

You have no idea of anything other than how to be hateful.

Good luck to you.  I will be hitting report after I send this and will not see this again. Seriously.  Don't waste your breath.