Husband unsupportive of WLS.

Hi everyone, I'm new. I've been researching different medical approaches to weight loss for over a year now. I've been married to my wonderful husband who has loved me for me the whole time for 9 years. We have 3 children. I have been heavy my whole life. I've never been thin or even remotely close to thin. My husband has been thin his whole life. He's never had to work out or eat healthy. I've been on countless diets and weightloss programs. I exercise daily and eat fairly decent and still cannot lose any weight. My BMI is 47+. I don't really know what it is because the calculator I was using went off the charts. My knees hurt, my back hurts, and at night I feel like I can't breathe. And I know it's all due to me being so big. So I've been doing my research, like I said before I exercise daily, I eat pretty dang good and my weight is stuck around the 250's for the last 4 yrs, it just won't budge (I'll lose like 10lbs and then immediately gain it back without changing anything), and I've decided I just can't do this on my own anymore. Maybe it's time for me to get some medical assistance. VSG sounds like the best fit for me. No dumping, no nutrient deficiency problems, all in all just a better fit for myself. I finally get the nerve to tell my husband and he FLIPS!! No surgery is needed, I need to go play soccer with him, go walking at the local park, eat nothing but lettuce and salads, and I need to do this all on my own. I have over 140 lbs to lose to be in a healthy BMI. He's always been in his healthy BMI. I feel defeated. I'm going to die young if I don't get this weight off. And I just don't know what to say to him without crying because he honestly has no idea what it's like to be me or my weight. What do I do? Has anyone else had a spouse that was just so against WLS? Sorry for rambling on but I just have no one to talk to about this and it's been on my mind for a while. 

My husband and most my family don't think I need surgery because I carry my weight well. I do have a BMI of 43 and 4 comorbidities although they are just very borderline. My husband it an exact of your husband thin his whole life etc. They don't realize that obesity is an disease. I have a disease in my back and he is VERY supportive of that. He does say it's my body I can do what I want with it but again he also don't think I need this. We have been married 31 yrs. so he has seen all the diets and losses and gains through the years. Any way know that your not alone in this. Do your research then print out the information about how being obese is not healthy and how most people always gain it back if on their own then ask him to read it. I saw on here once when some people have parties to celebrate the upcoming surgery and one of the games was making the other person either stuff their clothes or carry 100 pounds with them so they can feel what it is like to have that much extra weight on them. I thought that was and awesome idea maybe that is what he needs. Just imagine him doing that while exercising on a very hot day and see how he likes it. LOL. Maybe he will change his mind. If not ask your self do you need his permission to do this if this is really what you want. I know it's nice to have them on your side but sometimes that just isn't possible .  Good Luck.

If dieting doesn't work for you, the VSG is NOT going to change that. All it does is limit the amount you can eat at a sitting, and it sounds like you're already doing that. You should research the Duodenal Switch, because it will change the way your body metabolizes food, permanently.

The DS has the same stomach as the VSG, plus an intestinal bypass that really changes things.

As for dying young---I wouldn't be alive today if I hadn't had my DS 10+ years ago. I was 45, and not expected to see 50. I'm 56 now, and feel better than I did at 26.

Ultimately, you have to do what is right for you, not for anyone else.  Perhaps you can explain to your husband that you are interested in learning more about the options.  You may be able to find a pre-op support group in your area (we have one at our surgeon's office).  Your husband could attend also and voice his concerns. 

Thankfully you don't need his support since it's your body and your choice. Be strong, take the steps you need to take for your health, and hopefully he'll come around and apologize a lot in the future. You might also consider couples counseling so that he can unpack whatever he's got going on that makes him think he knows what is best for your body and your health. 

My husband wasn't completely on board with surgery at the beginning either.  He'd seen me go through a couple of diets and I was pretty successful on HMR, but it didn't last and he knew I was looking for a more permanent solution.  He also knew I wasn't happy at my weight and had observed me not able to do some things that I wanted to do.  When I first told him about wanting to do the RNY last year, he asked me if there wasn't another way and we had a discussion about the other ways I'd tried in the past.  He's got his own weight problems, but he was never as large as I was, so he totally understood.

He came with me to one of the two orientations I was required to attend and to the consultation with the surgeon.  After he learned more about the procedure and met the surgeon, he was totally on board.  Even if he had not been, I would still have gone forward because at the bottom line, he's not the one dealing with the new reality, I am.  

Your husband's hesitation could be coming from a fear place.  Make sure you are as educated as you possibly can be so you can answer his questions with confidence because if he senses any hesitation with you, that will amplify his own doubts.  Invite him to any pre-surgery orientations, support groups and surgical consults you can.  If you have friends that have had the surgery, ask them if they'll answer his questions.  If he refuses all of these options, then that's his choice, but don't allow it to interfere with your own.  :D

Get down on that and when you're down X lbs and feeling better, play soccer with him, walk around the park and he won't even be bothered about how you got there, because in the end, IT DOESN'T MATTER.  :D

Jen

I just had the VSG done on May 29th, and just like you, I too could not lose weight,, I dieted, and I ate little, and I ate salads, and I excercised also. Honestly it was the best choice I ever made. It sounds to me like your husband may be jealous of the "new person" you will become once you have the surgery, I too agree that you two should go to counseling. If and when you choose to start the process, you will have to go for a Phycologist of is consult and at that time you might want to talk to the counselor about how your husband is reacting to 'YOUR" new choice. They may give you some advice, but the one thing the Bariatric Center that you choose to go to will continue to make sure of, is that you have positive people in your life to help you get through. I really hope your husband listens to YOU, you have some very realistic reasons as to why you want the VSG or which ever WLS you choose. Good luck, and just know that we are all here to help/listen to you. PS I have lost 18 ponds so far!

WOW....my husband was not supportive of me either. I have 4 kids,  I struggled with my WLS decision for 5 years. Then I finally came down to it, I had to do it for ME!!! Then for my kids!. I went to the hospital by myself, (my mom went, not my husband) I felt alone kinda. BUT......Now 2 years out.....oh my goodness......my husband cannot keep his hands off of me and is always telling other guys how "hot" his wife is. He likes to flaunt me now, lol. So I say your hubby will come around too!...

I started at 291.1, my surgery date was Marh 6th, 2012. I am 2 years out and have lost 160 pounds. I started in a 26/28 bottom, now I'm a size 6!!! My shirts were a 4X, now in a small/medium. I even lost a whole 1.5 shoe size.

My advise to you as well, is if you are going to have a wls do the one that will have to most long term effects. I done a lot of research over 5 years!!! I thought about all the dumping, and vitamin regemign......I chose the RNY. I was going to do the sleeve, but after researching and learning that sleeve patients have a 45% higher chance of regaining thier weight over and RNY patient. I say if you are going to go through a WLS, do the one that is going to have the best, RNY. I had no problems, and yes I did/do hae dumping at times, but honestly it IS A BLESSING IN DISGUISE....I keeps me in check and my tummy in check of what I should NOT be eating! You will find that MANY of the surgeries you will still have to do the vitamins and protien.

I know every one looses diffrently and with different surgeries, but I personally compared myslef to 3 people I personally know.

All the had the sleeve.

I'll give example and call them A, B, and C we ALL started in the 290# range.

Lady A..... had her surgery exactly 1 month before me, at her one month post op, she was able to eat a paper plate size amount of food....1 month out!!!!!....."at one year out, what amount of food will she be able to eat" was my thinking....at one year out she WAS eating a good piled high plate of food....me at 2years out STILL CANNOT even eat a half a paper plate size of food, at our 1 year mark she had only lost about 80 pounds, me I had lost almost 110 pounds. she is regaining her weight already, and very noticabley.

Lady B......she had her surgery 1 month after me, at 2 years out she has 100 pounds, she stopped loosing at her 1 year mark. I am not around her that often to know her eating habits though either. Me at 2 years out have lost 160 pounds, I was still loosing at 1.5 years out. she has so far kept the weight off.

Lady C......had the sleeve done 11 months ago and has lost 70 pounds but said she has not lost anything in almost 2 months. 

The sleeve can be stretch out much more over time, more so than and rny. 

These are just my opinions and observations when I have compared myself to other patients of WLS. All the people who have had the RNY have greatly exceed much more than those of other surgeries.

Do what you feel is best for you, just make sure you are hapy with it!!

Statistically the DS is the form of WLS with the very best long-term, maintained weight loss.

Remember to keep in mind that the people on here are giving their opinion but you have to do your own research and get the facts, every wls has their pro and cons and you have to decide on what is best for you. Sorry that your husband is not in your corner but for some people it's hard for them to understand because they have never been there, maybe he'll come around, but in the meantime do what is best for you. Good luck!