people

I went to my mother in laws house today and she just can't get why I want this surgery. I've been married to her son for 31 years but she knew me when I was little too. She knows I've always had a weight problem gaining and loosing. I have had many surgeries in the past. But when we talked about it this is what she did first she shook her head and then said you must like to have surgery then she got up and walked around the room. This lady is all skin and bones and always has been . She isn't the kind of person you want to argue with. I'm at the point where I don't want to go to her house any more. Before when I would go she would always make a comment about my weight or she would just sit there and look at my stomach. When she knew I would catch her looking she would say did you loose weight. You look good. UGH sometimes I just want to scream.

That's just not nice!  since you will be dealing with her for many years to come, remember it is her son's opinion that counts, not hers.  How does he feel about the way she treats you?  I know my hubby would have taken her aside and asked her to stop but I had a great mom and pop inlaw.

The other option, when she does this crappy stuff, just look at her and imagine those skinny bones with that wrinkled skin in her undies.

First I really want to thank you . I had a good laugh when I read what you said and then the smiley face just added to it so thank you for that. As far as him seeing things he doesn't. He has a paranoid sister who is afraid of using her computer so he is usually in his sisters room when she does this. I did tell him she is always commenting about my weight but in one ear out the other. I don't think he has any problem not going there either. She is always calling him asking when he is coming to visit his reply is when have you come here. We live 30 min. away and lived here 9 years she has been here 3 maybe 4 times. She tells him we go there 2 times a year when we are there for or just before all holidays and her and his sisters b-day. And what is strange is she comes this way to go to bingo once a week. So who or what is more important?

Peb,  I am so happy (really) that I could give you a chuckle on this because I understand the pain this woman is inflicting on you on a regular basis.  But here's the deal, if hubby isn't going to get his head out of the sand and stand up for you, you need to make some choices.  Especially since she doesn't make an effort to come to your house.  Let hubby have a relationship with his mother, it will never be good for you to get between them.  However, YOU are worth more than that!!!  Stand up for yourself, not hubby, YOU.  When MIL calls, visits, etc., be busy doing something that makes you feel better.  Don't give hubby a way to escape her which is what he is doing by using the computer (for example).  I mean no disrespect towards your husband in this.

When MIL starts asking her son why you aren't making time for her, let him answer.  If she asks you, just tell her you thought she might want some time just to visit with her son.  In a nice way of course.  And ease your way out.  If she corners you, tell her the truth.  That you have been heavy for "X amount of years "and you don't like it any more than she does.  You have finally decided to stop wasting your life being overweight and this is one thing that you are going to do for yourself, with or without their support.  And you don't need to hear her viscious comments either.

I have little support for having my lap band out and going for another wls.  My one sister because she knows what this means to me.  My mother is pretending to support me but she has no faith in me at all.  But then again, altho I love her dearly and she now lives with me, she has been the negative force in my life ALL my life.  One day, she asked "well, what about me?  Where am I supposed to go while you are in the hospital",  knowing full well that my sis and I had it planned out and told her about it.

My response was to kindly look her in the eyes and tell her " I have always been there for everyone in this family and when I go for BOTH of these surgeries, I EXPECT my family to do whatever it takes to get me thru this and if you can't, none of you can any longer count on me to help again.  I am tired of waiting for everyone else's problems to be solved, tired of wasting my life simply existing."  That was it!  They all know the deal and they know I mean it.  I am asking far more of myself in this than anything I have ever asked of any of them.

You need to do this for yourself, in whatever way you choose.  But establish the fact now and let it go where it will.  Just don't be there when MIL starts in.  Hugs!

I would not be dealing with her for many years to come,just like I will not be dealing with DH mother for many years to come. 

After 40 years of being abused by her,and DH saying nothing,I told him two years ago I would never see her alive again. I was cutting ties with her and I did. 

Not long after that he cut ties withher also and has not seen or talked to her in 2 years either.

i would just cut her out of my life,personally. It does appear bingo is more important to her,so let her have it. 

GL

Thanks for all the advice. I will take it to heart.

My MIL was the same way. She wasn't a very nice person in general and I wasn't the only person she openly insulted. At family gatherings (where food was involved) she would seek me out and when she found me she'd make loud comments to the group about what I had on my plate. "Oh, look what she's got on her plate! That's a lot of potatoes! You probably don't realize how many calories you have there sweetheart!" or "I know you're just getting started, here, let (insert name of anyone standing close to me, usually a relative) get you another plate so you don't have to keep trying to fit more food on that one. It's too small anyway!" After she'd crowed about my plate, she'd then announce that it was okay because her son "likes them "husky" girls" and on and on. Everyone hated this woman, but she put a great deal of effort into making herself unavoidable. Finally, after enduring about 3 years of this BS, I quietly pulled her aside and told her that I didn't like it when she did these things and I didn't like being called "husky". At that point, she got angry and called me a lot of names that were far worse than "husky". My husband and I didn't talk to her again for 3 years and we never went to another family gathering if she was going to be there. She was also very thin and extremely narcissistic. Even in her advanced age, she wore full makeup, expensive clothes and never went anywhere without having her hair done.

So, it sounds like your MIL may be her long lost sister... Sadly, you're not going to be able to change her and my guess is that confronting her will probably just make her even worse. It may be worth a try, but maybe only as a last resort. Remember, mean people and bullies don't really have a problem with you, they have a problem with themselves...but unfortunately MAKE it a problem for you. Beside avoiding her, there's not a lot you can do.