The Sad Reality of Fat Prejudice....

I friended a cousin of mine I have not seen or spoken too in over 30 years on Facebook.  My grandfather and his family were very prejudice against basically everything and once I got married and started to gain weight I was cut off from his side of the family based on the fact my mother did not want me to be the butt of their cruel jokes.  I didn't realize at the time why she was declining invitations to parties etc and I had gotten married and moved away so it wasn't that big a deal.  I knew my grandfather hated fat people, I always knew this by his comments but one stands out worse then all the others, I gave him a picture I had taken on my 10th wedding anniversary.  He looked at the pic and looked over at the pic of me he had of my high school graduation when I was still normal weight and said why did you bother and faced the picture to the wall so he couldn't see it.  Yeah that was super nice.

I did get my grandfather back of course, I did have to wait until he died, but at his funeral I brought my Nigerian friend and introduced him to everyone and let him drive my car like we were dating.  I hate racists and my grandfather got the ultimate middle finger since he would not allow anyone of color in his house, I brought it straight to him at his funeral.  **** you grampie!!  Yeah I know people say you shouldn't feel this way.  But I do. 

Anyway back to my cousin, she is the granddaughter of my my grandfathers brother.  She seems nice enough, she lives in North Carolina now and we start chatting on Facebook.  Understand she hasn't seen me in 30 years but she knows everything that has happened in my life by the gossip between her mother and my best friends mother.  So she assuredly knows I had wls although we haven't actually spoken about it.  So yesterday she posts this strange pic online, I make a comment and she makes a comment and it goes back and forth and I am thinking wow she's not very bright but she never was so I guess I shouldn't expect much from her.  Finally she takes down the pic.  Okay so she posts a new pic of a MO black womyn riding a motorcycle with the caption of this is another reason to ban bike week in Mrytle Beach.  I was horrified.  I mean literally my blood ran cold.  How on earth in this day and age could my cousin be fat shaming this womyn for riding a motorcycle completely covered up in what looked like stretch pants and a t shirt.  My boyfriend said don't do it, she is gonna block you, I said I don't give **** my moral compass will not allow me to not comment on racism or fat shaming.  I called her out and she got overly defensive, and went on to say how she didn't like to see 250lb black womyn at wal-mart in fishnet with bikini's underneith with kids around.  Are you ******g kidding me.  Seriously she went there again.  I am horrified.  Mortified even that she exists with this mentality.  I was speechless, I wanted to cry.  My grandfather and his horrible racism still exists, something I knew was wrong when I was 5 years old and couldn't wait to get away from.  It saddens me.  The only redeeming thing that happened was her brother called her out also.  That gave me hope that our entire family isn't genetic mutants.  But seriously.  This hurt me as a womyn, as a human and as a MO individual (in remission).  I am horrified still.  I said nothing else to her.  I have to unfriend her.  I cannot tolerate that attitude.  I really feel so hurt that she posted such things.  I guess I live in my bubble of humanity where these things don't exist.  It got burst in the worst way yesterday.

My Grampie could be playing bridge with your Grampie on the other side.  

Sorry you're hurting.  It sounds like your mom was a wise one.

You wanna hear something funny, when I first started dating my bf and he started staying over at my house I had this dream that my mother and grandmother came as angels to our room, my mother had the face of a child and never said a word but my grandmother spoke to me and I asked how my mother and grandfather were doing.  She said my mother was doing fine in heaven but that her and my grandfather had broken up, he had developed a pot belly and they no longer spoke.  It was sooooo real.  Like I woke up crying like it really happened.  I can still see my mother and grandmothers face perfectly to this day and that dream was nearly 12 years ago.  I don't actually believe in angels or after life or any of that stuff but I am still amazed by that dream and happy my grandmother dropped my grandfather in heaven.  Something I wished she had done on earth, he was a very educated man with an job as an engineer, I have no idea where his prejudice came from, he was Polish and his family had immigrated to this country and his parents were actually quite well off and owned a house in NY and a farm in Connecticut.  But he was so intolerant.  He thought it was such a waste that I got fat, that only ugly girls should get fat, that I wasted myself.  Seriously he said this.  How sad.

I got similar comments from my grandfather, too, for I started gaining during adolescence and never stopped from there.  I think it was there generation more than anything.  Prejudices are learned, and harder to 'unlearn'.  Fortunately, the generations forward are learning that we all have value and have something to contribute.  Thank goodness for that!

Heck I want to be the 250lb black woman on a motorcycle & drive right into the Walmart parking lot, just not in a bikini & fishnet but head to toe black leather! LOL Sorry you're hurting, glad you're not one of the genetic mutants! lol 

Thanks! I think the fact she actually took a pic of some womyn riding her motorcycle and posted it just to mock her weight was so horrible, especially since she knows I was once that womyn.  What are we supposed to do hide under a rock because she doesn't like to see fat thighs.  I hate that attitude. 

I am proud when womyn of size are proud of themselves and do all the things I was far too embarrassed to do because of how I was raised to feel about my weight.