Recently Lost a Best Friend Because of My Decision to Get Bariatric Surgery

Sharon, I found your "friend's" blog this morning when you first posted about it and took a look around. All I have to say is that you're better off, really. I know it hurts, but this person is toxic. If you've decided that WLS is the way to go for you, then I wish you all the best and hope that you will find other support and friendship than this person.

You deserve to feel good, live as long a life as possible, and be happy within your own skin. If you want surgery to help you with that, then go for it! Don't let jealous people who feel the whole world has to live the way they want drag you down.

So glad you posted this on here and found out that you do have a support system.  We may not be friends who have met in person, but we all had to make this choice and understand where you are coming from.

It is really amazing the mis-information contained in her posting and list to you!  I won't itemize them here because the others have covered it, but sheesh!

I can't argue that looking better (with clothes on) is a huge side-effect benefit for me - but it was not WHY I had the surgery... my knees and hips and other joints are loving life much better now! I am able to be more active and thus more healthy! I am able to spend much better quality time playing with my grandkids!  

Keep up your spirits!

She's projecting her own experience onto you, which isn't fair.

She can disagree with you all she wants, but losing a friendship is about choosing to let that happen.  She doesn't want to change what she thinks for other people, so don't you think you need to change what you think for her.  You are not betraying her, but your values are different, and that's perfectly okay.

She is no friend!

For a person who has tried to promote "fat tolerance" she is one of the most INTOLERANT people I've ever read about.  

You'll figure this out for yourself but this person is not a real friend.  She is threatened by your decision because it doesn't fit into her little world of what the "right" decision should be.  And maybe she feels rejected by you because of the decision.  Regardless, her reaction is overblown and immature, selfish and self-centered.  

Whenever thoughts of her come up just say, "I bless you with love...and I release you and let you go!"  You don't need her negative energy in your life.  

(And seriously: "intentional weight loss" goes against everything she stands for?!?  Are you !$#@($#!* kidding me?  So she'd rather see you sick and DEAD than healthy?   Holy crap...

^^^ What Tracy said.

There's no insight I can add that someone else hasn't already covered.  For her to publicly try to shame you for your decision to have WLS gives you the only insight you need into your "friendship" with this poor woman.  She's dealing with mental issues and insecurities that you cannot possibly help.

As someone who has had to let very good friends go out of my life, believe me when I say it's sometimes a better decision than you can see at that time.  For the long term, you want people who support you and love you, not people who condemn you for trying to improve your health. 

Good luck with the path you're on.  Don't be discouraged by this incident.  You will move forward and find a life that you can lead and doesn't limit you.

This is going to echo what everyone else has said, but you did not lose a friend.  You lost someone who isn't secure enough in her preachings to support others who believe otherwise.  A friend supports an endeavor (unless it is self destructive) even if she disagrees.  A friend is open and listens to your rationale.  A friend doesn't talk about you in a public forum.  I'm sure there are alcoholics who get sober and lose "friends" (AKA drinking buddies).  But they, and you, gain a healthier lifestyle and a healthier outlook on what constitutes a good relationship.  I sincerely don't believe she's as comfortable in her body as she claims to be.  It's great the thinks you're perfect just the way you are, but you will still be you.  The parts of you what are going to change have nothing to do with your friendship, other than you'll be able to be more active and enjoy a more healthy lifestyle.  How can she argue with the science and the statistics.  Just as you don't judge others who don't choose this path, she needs to do the same.  Reach out to a support group to find like minded individuals and hopefully some new, better, friends.  Good luck to you!  

P.s. I have a friend who has repeatedly explained why my choices for stopping breastfeeding and delivering in a hospital (vs. a birthing center) were not healthy for my children or me.  I've recently stopped returning her phone calls because I just don't want to listen to her judgement anymore.  You know what?  Once I did, I realized that every time she'd call, I'd groan, and I'd have to brace myself for a chat with her.  That's not the sign of a good friendship, and some distance helped me see that.  I second guess myself a lot less now!  I wish you the same!

Eff that. She's losing a friend, you're losing risk of stroke and heart attack, joint pain, your CPAP, etc. etc. etc.

Funny thing is, if she's all for "body acceptance" and "health at every size," then why isn't she accepting thin(ner) bodies and health at smaller sizes too?

She wrote this and posted it.  It is cruel and self-centered.  She is hoping to force you to change your mind.

One thing to be aware of is that there are many people who are just as ignorant and judgmental as she is, but they do not have her writing skills.  There are many who will smile and compliment you to your face and be hateful and critical behind your back.

I keep my surgery pretty much to myself.  Many people who knew me before surgery are watching to see if I will gain the weight back.  I rarely inform new people in my life that I had surgery.

I would simply respond with her own words, "Friendship shouldn't be a negative experience which is why I have to end this one".