Recently Lost a Best Friend Because of My Decision to Get Bariatric Surgery

Yes, she is super morbidly obese, well over 300 lbs.  She wears a size 22W/24W in clothes.

Your friends post is honestly just sad. It comes from a jealous uneducated place - clearly. Just understand it's not about you, it's about her. She is the one with the problem. 

Im not sure I understand this whole concept of fat acceptance. Being "fat" is unhealthy. It's not really up for debate - it's more a fact. Obese people are unhealthy. If you are obese and don't have ANY comorbidities then you certainly will eventually. I really don't understand why anyone would want to promote this lifestyle. I am speaking more from curiosity than anything - I've not heard much of this before...

WLS is only a tool that can help you lose the weight, but you have to do the work and continue to do the work for the rest of your life. Being healthy should always be the end game and it sounds like it is for you. Congrats on doing this for the "right" reasons. Best of luck to you - may you find new friends that accept you for you...including decisions you make to improve your health and your life.

Hi Sharon,

   I'm sorry you are going through this and if it is any solace, you are NOT alone. I actually got dumped because of this surgery....  We were in a relationship for just under 10 years.....   Rightfully so, she didn't like my self loathing and isolated behavior at times when we were around crowds but we always had a very strong relationship..... Once I told her about going through the process for the surgery, things changed. She said I was taking the easy way out (Which I actually agreed with for a while and put it off!!)...  and if I couldn't do it on my own, its not meant to be and I just should be content with who I am, etc...  Well, to make a long, sad story short.... She asked me to move out and we have been broken up for a year now...... I stuck with my convictions and now my surgery is literally in 15 more hours!  What I am getting at is, It hurts when someone you love and someone you care about "abandons' you like this but reality is, they apparently never felt the same about us as we did about them.  Stay strong. If I could get through it, you can and will !!!!!!  

A friend? Really? Ef her! Believe me you'll get over the hurt and realize you're better off with out someone like that in your life! Good luck with your surgery!

WOW.... I had RNY for my HEALTH. my best friend did not agree.. but see's how much HAPPIER I am, and now I amlosing the weight that prevented me from having fun like we used to.  It sounds like she has her OWN struggled with weight to deal with, and unfortunately, you cannot hange that. Good luck, sometimes things  need to change for the better... Sorry for the loss of your friendship.. hopefully she will come around.

Sharon,

This is your time to focus on yourself. This person is actually doing you a favor by stepping out of your life. I'm sure her actions hurt you, but they have also given you insight into her mindset. Going forward you will need supportive people in your "camp" and she doesn't sound like she is capable of being there for you in a positive way.

It's time to invest in yourself and walk away from anyone that isn't going to support your new lifestyle.

good luck to you!

Your friend sounds like a troubled soul in a troubled political movement. Fat acceptance folks are shrill on the subject of WLS, and they need to get a grip. There's a PBS documentary called All of Me that explores this issue. A number of women in the fat acceptance movement in Austin had WLS--the documentary explores their changing relationships as a result. I haven't been able to locate the film, but I have seen excerpts from it. In one of the clips, a WLS patient bemoaned the loss of friends from the movement, but noted that the real glue that held the group together was food, not friendship. It very much reminds me of an alcoholic who quits drinking and finds out who his/her real friends are. It seems to me that fat/size acceptance works both ways.

I was going to mention this documentary too.  It was available last month on PBS.com. I watched it a few times.   It was interesting because the WLS who made significant lifestyle changes-moving around more, growing vegetables she ate, salads, bringing her lunch etc did VERY well.  While the one who was shown stirring a giant vat of what looked like potato salad and a big bowl of crackers, and who talked about eating hamburgers like it was manna from heaven barely lost any weight and grew fairly bitter.  It was sad, but a prime example that WLS is only part of the solution.

What struck me most was that more than half of the woman trickled away from the group as they got WLS and lost weight.  The WLS patient who mentioned that food was what was keeping them together was right-it had nothing to do with fighting for acceptance, it was about finding people like themselves.

One of the people who was on My 600 Pound Life, Zsalynn was featured fairly heavily in the movie too.

I'd actually really recommend it to any new pre-op, new post-op and someone who may be struggling with their own food issues.  Very interesting dynamics shown in the movie.

she certainly isnt a friend. her judgemental overtones are self deceiving and simply BS...I hope she isn't a mother or has children because the meaning of unconditional would certainly be lost on her.  I had my RNY on 2/22/12 and have lost 184 pounds and regained living, happiness and self esteem.  This is certainly NOT an eating disorder but a chance to learn moderation.  After 12-18 months you can eat just about anything you choose, moderation is a tool hopefully learned.  As for me I have only had fast food 2x in 2.5 years....Still never having a sandwich with 2 pieces of bread.  Not that I couldn't I have just LEARNED a new style of enjoying meals.  I can have 1 to 1.5 pieces of pizza....The options for living a cleaner lifestyle cutting out all the crap is a choice I have made not a given....

Congrats on your decison to move ahead and regain a healthy life...I am no long diabetic, take 1/2 the dose of thyroid med, reduced BP pills and feel energy that was missing for the past 20+ years..  I walk daily with my dog for 30-40 minutes whereas I couldn't/wouldn't walk to the corner with huffing and puffing, a block would mean resting before coming home....LIVING ONCE AGAIN IS THE GREATEST GIFT I HAVE EVER RECEIVED.  Believe me this isnt easy, but so worth the efforts.

As for your friendship...this person wasnt a friend and this is a short term loss and you can fill your space with positive supportive friends.

Nance

Yes, she has a son, who is 7 or 8 years old.