8 years post-op...feeling ashamed and like a failure

I am a little over 8 years post op from gastric bypass... I truly cannot believe it has been 8 years. I had my surgery 4/11/2006. I have had 2 beautiful children since (gaining 55lbs with each pregnancy), who are now 6 and 4... and PPD after each, and of course many other personal struggles. I am ashamed and embarrassed with my weight gain over the years and I am back on the yo-yo bandwagon of losing and gaining, losing, and then gaining what I lost back and then some. I know I should probably contact my surgeon, but there is where the feelings of shame and embarrassment come into play and I become a blubbering mess of emotion. ObesityHelp  is where it all started, the support and guidance that OH brought to me in the past, I guess I am seeking once again. I told myself from the very beginning that I would not be one of those people who would gain back because I was making changes for life but I failed miserably! Any advice and guidance and maybe some words from those who have been in similar situations would be encouraging.

Definitely go see your surgeon so you can find out your pouch is still functioning properly.  You might also want to see a registered dietician who can help you work out a good meal plan.  who's been ordering your labs?  Have you been attending a WLS support group?

My labs are done annually at my PCP. Never had any issues except low B-12 once which was remedied with injections for 6 months. As for support group, my local one dissipated years ago and would have to drive 30 minutes into Nashville. Thanks for the comment!

30 minutes doesn't seem like that far to drive once a month or so.

It may not be for you. 

Hi.  

I live in the Nashville area and my surgeon's group offers several area support groups.  I used Vanderbilt Surgical Weight Loss...if you didn't go to them you're still welcome at the groups.  I know they are starting one in Clarksville, they have one in Hendersonville, and several different times in Nashville in case it's not necessarily the distance but the time available?  It seems like I also heard they were doing a Bowling Green group.  I think that's probably way too far but just throwing it out there...never know what might work for someone.  :-)

If you DID go to Vanderbilt SWL clinic and can't make any of the groups, I highly recommend you join the FB page (if you haven't already).  There is a lot of great support there. 

One thing that won't help, even though it's the natural tendancy for all of us, I imagine, is to beat yourself up with shame and guilt.  You weigh what you weigh.  You want to change it and I'm guessing you know what needs to happen to make that change.  Baby steps would be a good place to start instead of looking at the big picture.  Maybe just start with logging every bite, protein first, and walking more each day than you did the day before.

Good luck!  I'm sorry you're in such a rough place.  Best wishes as you turn it around.  :-)

I agree that you need to start with your surgeon, he or she may order an upper GI xray to see what your pouch looks like, and go from there.  Going to support group is a huge help, and I don't think 30 is anything!  I drive further than that everyday for work. Group is non judgemental. and everyone there is fighting the same battle you are, whether 8 weeks or 8 years out. It will help you get back on track.  Good Luck!!

I am 7 years out and right there with you.  It is very common to gain.  The whole reason we got this way is a combination of things.  Loving food too much and most likely not the greates metabolism.  It stands to reason that after a few years your pouch or banana in my case(sleeve)  can hold more food.  I kept telling myself that I still could not eat as much as I used to but the truth is that even the lesser amount was too many calories for my body.  I had decided to just live with it because the thought of another DIET was so horrible, I couldn't fathom it.  However pictures of myself and severe back pain intervened.  Here is my two cense.  Go to myplate.com from Livestrong and start tracking.  You will be shocked at how much you are eating.  This is what I am doing and it took a month but I finally lost 3 1/2 pounds.  Not much but it's not a gain.  Beef up the protein and cut down not out! the carbs.  Make it easy.  Don't set your goal too high.  I am a late night snacker so I saved a lot of my calories for the end of the day.  I know I will never stop snacking at night because my hubby is the worst skinny snacker.  I am starting to notice that I'm getting fool faster again.  Good luck and please feel free to message me.  Maybe we can help each other.   

I would suggest seeing a psychologist to start (besides your surgeon). Sounds like you're "getting deeper in to the hole". I'm seeing a psychologist and will continue. My surgery is this Thursday.

For whatever reasons, people gain back their lost weight.  Your surgeon has seen this often and might be the best person to help you.  I knew from the first day that I was in danger of regaining. 

When it happened I was at the surgeon's office and asking for help.  Surgery gave me an opportunity to get to a normal weight but that was step one. Staying at that goal weight was a lot harder than getting there.

I use My Fitness Pal to log my foods.  I weigh every morning and am always keenly aware of my weight.  I know my trigger foods and avoid them.  I know what I can and cannot eat.  I deprive myself of breads, cereals, potatoes, rice, candy, cookies, pasta, noodles, ice cream and most dairy.  I avoid flour and sugar.

I am realistic about weight loss.  There will never be any weeks with four or five pounds lost for me again.  If I lose 1/2 pound in a week, I am happy.  A full pound and I am ecstatic.  

You can lose that weight again, but it will not be quick or easy.  If you can lose a pound a week, you will be 50 pounds smaller by next May.  If you can lose two pounds a week, you will be 100 pounds lighter.  It is up to you to decide.  It is your life and your journey.   Others can give you guidance, but only you get to decide what you are going to eat.

There are therapists who can help you.  There are programs like Weigh****chers, TOPS, or Overeaters Anonymous.  It helps to have someone working with you.  The past is just the past, you get to decide your future.