So... I told my mom...

..and it went pretty much how I expected it to. She's very against WLS and doesn't understand the advances that have been made in recent years.  I get the impression that she didn't really want to hear about it. She made sure that I knew she didn't agree with or support my decision. She did promise to help me post surgery if I need it, so that's something. 

I'm not really disappointed or upset because I knew how it would go. It also doesn't even come close to derailing my plans.

♡

I am sorry to hear that she was not super supportive, but at least she is there to help if needed. I think many times once family finds that your quality and length of life is increased it's easier to understand for some. 

I wish you the best, and hope everything goes smoothly. 

Thank you, and I agree. It's probably just going to take proof. That's good motivation!  ;)

Just think of how proud of your self-determination and achievement she will be when you are successful.  It sounds like her concerns are mostly for your safety, which if true is really a beautiful thing.  We don't always do kids the most good from protecting them from all risk, but it's hard to see that when it's your kid :)

Wear her down, find success, she will believe in you only as much as you believe in you if you keep helping her.  

Congrats on your choice, and good luck!

Thank you for your kind words. :)

You're right, I just get frustrated sometimes.

You're going to get frustrated alot going through this process. It's part of the deal.  I'm not trying to knock it, but any weight loss surgery is going to generate many many moments of stress, frustration, tears, and moments where a weak person would consider walking away.  Part of the reason I feel people who make it to "veteran" status and are successful in maintenance can achieve that is that they found a level of strength that many didn't believe they had before.  

I'm not there yet by a longshot, but I have learned that many of the vets here are still here not because they need the site anymore- they are here because they desperately want to help people in my and your position find their success as well.  Their advice is sometimes a little hard to swallow, delivered less "unicorns and rainbows" than we'd like, and not well received by people trying to rationalize or justify bad choices.  Their advice is also the best I've received at any point in this process.  

So my best guidance for you is to be frustrated.  Get mad.  Come here amongst friends and vent all you want.  Ask questions.  Read everything. Communicate often. Listen to the vets, even when they **** you off more than you started :)  

Finally, make sure you always have more hope than frustration.  You can do anything you set your mind to.

Wow! Thank you. It will be nice to have a place to vent. I'm just getting used to the forum, but so far everyone has been up front and honest. That means a great deal to me. :)

I'm sorry you didn't get the reaction you had hoped for. That can be frustrating, but don't get discouraged!

You have to trust yourself. If you know that this is right for you, then just be it. There are many stories about parents who don't agree with the decisions of their children, however, most almost always change their tune. Once it becomes more real, your mom will likely be more open minded and supportive. The fact that she is committed to being there for you after the surgery is a great first step! 

She will probably start doing her own research now too. Might not be a bad idea to invite her to attend a local seminar. 

I personally did not tell my mother or any of my family, though my mom has hinted before that I should get it. She is a very unreliable mother emotionally (one day my best friend, the next day uses it against me) so I have kept it to myself for now. The only person who I have told is my long time boyfriend who will be supportive.

All in all, this is OUR decision, but it certainly is important to have support. 

Best wishes! 

My family member had RNY about a year before I did.  She did not have insurance to cover it.  She was self-pay and spent over $35,000.  She did fantastic and looked wonderful.  Then she started regaining and soon was as large as before her surgery.

My mother was talking to me one about a year after I had my surgery and said that the surgery did not work for that lady.  She was actually surprised when I told her that you still have to diet and exercise for the rest of your life.  Most people think the surgery is all that is needed.

Make up your mind to be an example of how well the surgery does work, when you work it.

I guess what's hard for our loved ones to understand is that we've done a huge amount (in most cases) of research, attended meetings, shared invaluable information, had the talk over and over in our heads long before we tell our family. They think it's just another gimmick, a fad, think we're rushing in too fast with both feet blah blah blah. Then there are the ones that continue to say "it's the easy way out" and with that, I say "Seriously?" There is major jealousy or lack of education for someone to say that. Fat people gravitate towards fat people. Even thin people tell fat people not to lose too much weight, not to mention the "don't get thinner than me or else" threat. People ARE threatened by someone else's perceived notch on the totem pole; it's always something. You have to prepare for the fact that nobody will be truly in your corner. You have to get support perhaps, from another source. Some people are purely horrified by any kind of surgery, in which WLS is akin to some people as vanity. Some people cannot communicate their fears.

I'm glad to hear it hasn't halted your plans. Having a big support group is like nothing else. It's your own cheering section. Being held responsible for doing the right thing by making huge changes is not easy alone. Although negative input doesn't help. Most people only know of the gastric bypass and there are alot of people (including on this website) who have regained because they learned to eat around their tool) and guess what, 1/2 of more of their weight came back. Your mom may not know the procedure of the VS and may be confusing it with RNY, and her negativity may just be her way of expressing fear for you.

But you CAN do it. I was thrilled to give my Dr permission to make a decision FOR me. I purely wanted restriction. I was ready to go the whole route. And I knew I had to help make it work. Yes, it's a huge tool, but it is still a tool. If you let the tool get rusty, you will gain weight. If you lose the tool, you will have to relearn how to live with your best food choices and learn how to eat to live rather than live to eat.

Congratulations!