I had the surgery to get my health back, now I care more about my looks then ever.

I had the surgery because I wanted to feel healthy, be able to get up and around easier, address my health issues. I didn't really care about what I looked like or would look like. I lost a good amount and had a tummy tuck last october. prior to the tummy tuck i was worried I would be too thin, lose my curves. But now, I feel I notice imperfections and things that I wish were better in a way that I never have, and I hate it. I gained 7 pounds this winter and I can't get it off. It's weird, I never cared before, now I care and am frustrated. What to do, what to do? 

Even though I have a long way to get to goal, I find myself thinking kind of along the lines of what you're talking about here. I think that our society is so appearance driven that we can't help but notice "imperfections" and "flaws", but when we're fat, that's the most glaring imperfection, and so it eclipses everything else. Once that's out of the way, our attention is freed up to notice all the other things that are "wrong" with our appearance.

I have a lot of weight to lose and I'm older, so I know I'm going to look like a shar pei once I hit goal, and I'm dreading it. But at the same time, I'm thinking about all the cute clothes and shoes I will be able to wear. Hell, I may even start wearing makeup and worrying more about my hair. I've never cared much about my appearance, because I always felt that it didn't matter much...people saw that I was fat, and nothing else I did would erase that. But now I'll have to start thinking about my appearance in a whole different way. I'm half looking forward to it and half worrying myself into a tizzy about it.

I know that doesn't help you much, but I appreciate your post. It's helping me think about my own situation.

Good luck with those 7 dastardly pounds!

Oh, I am totally with you there. There was a day when I was rockin' it, back in my teens and 20s.  In fact, I had an eating disorder and I weighed only 92 pounds in high school and I thought I was monstrous (of course, it didn't help that my mom criticized every part of my body and I could never measure up.) I did pretty well until I hit my 40s and then all hell broke loose. I've been pretty heavy ever since.

Well, here I am 6wks postop and the weight loss is really starting to show.  I'm thinking about coloring my hair, even though I have been very happy with it silvery.  I suddenly won't leave the house without makeup or in frumpy clothes. I wear nice earrings. I'm thinking about bathing suit shopping already!  Of course, my body has taken a beating over the years and there's no way I'll EVER look like I did in high school. 

I have a hard time seeing what I look like, so I tend to think I'm bigger than I really am. I have a therapist that I'm working with, thank goodness. I don't know how she's going to help me unravel 57 years of body dysmorphia but I hope she can.

Yes yes yes! I've been saying this all along and this is truly something only people (primarily women) who have been significantly overweight could possibly understand. When I explain this to 'normal weight' friends and family, they grasp what I'm saying but I still see a glimmer of doubt in their eyes, as if I'm maybe exaggerating society's perception of fat people.  I'm so nervous about the idea that for the past almost 8+ years of my life, I've been passed over as just 'fat' and that once I cross that fine line into 'curvy' and inevitably continue shrinking, I'll begin to be judged on normal standards. In a way, this is the easy part about being fat, just getting written off and fading into the crowd. My view of myself will most likely change too, in the same way....that's a little scary because I accepted my 'fat' self a long time ago and have become oddly comfortable here. I think the trick will be regularly looking back at my 'before' pictures to see the disaster that formerly existed, lol. Plus, I think being able to shop in normal stores and have SO many more choices when it comes to clothes and shoes will ease the burden of new found insecurities So glad this came up on here! 

That was a very good post cunning_Pam!  I am hoping for a revision this year and just knowing how having the band made me feel so much better when I lost weight, I can understand both of your posts well.

I think you made a whole lot of sense there.

Best wishes to you both.

You need counceling for body image.  It helped me as lot., 

I have worked with a bariatric psychologist in the past but I lost my insurance and now that I got it back she is very difficult to get into...I suspect that, when I was heavy, I just didn't care about what I looked like because I felt there was nothing I could do to fix things. Now that I have less padding to hide under I am able to see where I have gained weight. In some ways there is the risk of becoming overly focused on imperfections but then on the other hand recognizing weight gain can be a good thing. The issues is what do I or we do about it? For now, I am refusing to by bigger pants. I am very uncomfortable in my pants because I gained the weight in my thighs. I can do this, I did it before.

I would get some pictures of yourself before surgery and compare how you look now.I am sure that your imperfections totally out  weigh where you were at before surgery.

At one point I lost enough weight to fit comfortable in size 4 pants, size small shirt.  Yet I felt fat.. and I was tired all the time.  Since then I gained some weight and were size 6-8-10 sizes (depends on what it is - and how I want it to fit).  yet I am much more happy and I really like myself. 

yea - I would like to lose 10-15 lbs.. but I have a butt and I have boobs. I have curves.. Nice curves. I don't need a pillow to be able to sit on a chair or a bench (I needed donut pillow to sit in my car- the seats felt so hard).  

If you are not happy how you are - try to lose weight - but if you can't - try to enjoy what you have now.. 

For me - getting 3 full length mirrors in the house to help me and my brain see me the size I really was - small to medium was a great therapy.   Getting clothes from my small friends to wear (the clothes were to small on them) made me realized that I am  as small or smaller than they are..  

Watching people: I love sitting drinking coffee and jus****ch people.. people all shape and sizes - made me realized that the very skinny people and the rather large people appeared to be most unhappy... the fit - mid size or slightly round - curvy people appeared to be happy and robust.. full of life, laughter and energy.. . 

I asked myself: would i rather be skinny - yet tired and looking old 50 year old person - or someone with a little meat on my bones who can enjoy life, is fit enough to be able to do anything she can - or want? someone who can enjoy food and not worry about every morsel of food?  (It is much easier for me to maintain my 165 lb than it was to maintain 145 lbs. ).

That helped me..  looking at myself and others around me.. At my age - my body shape- size 6 or 8 is perfect.. 

This is part of the fun and the reward for having surgery and losing the weight.  Find a great hairstylist and get a new cut and color.  Visit the makeup up counter at Macy's or Dillard's for a complete new look. 

Find great and flattering clothes. 

The two biggest mistakes women make are wearing clothes that are not right for their body type and wearing colors that are not right for their personal coloring. 

I recommend a site called missussmartypants where for about $50 you can have your body analyzed and skin analyzed.  They provide charts of the best colors to flatter your face.  They base colors on your personal season of spring, summer, winter, or fall.  Then you will get a weekly newsletter showing the newest styles selected for your body type and links to purchase.

I found her site before surgery and she helped me learn to dress so well that I debated on whether to even have the surgery.  I did it for health, but had really learned to look cute and well put together all the time by following her advice.