How to talk to Adult Kids about weight loss in a positive way

You don't.  When you try to, it comes across as concern trolling.  Just like you did, your daughter will make the choice to do something about her weight when she's ready to.  

I'm sorry, though.  It's got to be hard, as a parent, to watch your child do this and know that you're completely helpless.  The best you can do is be supportive of her and set a good example.  When she is ready, be her biggest cheerleader.  :)

I HAAAATE when my mother talks to me about my weight. 

You have to let them come to their own decisions in time and love them no matter what. I would leave it alone and just enjoy them for who they are now. We are all a work in progress. Weight just happens to be highly visible so people feel entitled to point it out.  

This is such a hard question because I grew up with a mother who was constantly trying to get me to lose weight so I didn't become diabetic like her, all it did was make me rebel when I got married and moved out and I gained fifty pounds in one year.  My family was then mortified by my weight.  It was a nightmare.  I wish she could of accepted me and I wish I didn't sabotage myself with my overeating.  I hated every minute of the twenty years I was MO.  I honestly don't know what would have made it better, or what you can say to make your kids lose weight.  I know my mother would have been heartbroken if she knew I became diabetic, but she was already dead when that happened.  Just as I know you will be heartbroken if your kids have heart attacks at a young age.  Just telling them you love them and want them to be healthy and happy is probably all you can do. 

The more you nag someone about their weight, the more you drive them away. Your daughter knows that she is obese, but I think maybe she has to deal with her problem (or not) at her own pace. Is she possibly getting the feeling that you don't love her unconditionally? I know it bothers you very much, but I think her rebellion could be a way of asking for space to make up her own mind.

I totally understand what you are going through. I am only three months out but I have been changing eating habits in my family. I have son who may be thirty pounds overweight. I have a daughter who is thin. I try to encourage both of them to eat healthier.I always explain just because you are thin doesn't mean you are healthy.

My son I do worry because he does like to eat crap.I noticed his pants are getting tighter.He is only twenty he is done school in February. I sat him down after Christmas and bet him money that he could lose weight if he changed his eating habits. Well to my surprise he actually is using myfitnesspal and watching what he is eating.I was lucky that he listened. But that doesn't mean I have the magic to change him.

It is very hard to have older kids change without making them angry.I remember I hated when my parents said stuff about my weight but they never helped.In their house it always was about food and it still is. I am not sure if either of your kids have gone to the doctors lately just to have a yearly check up and bloodwork. I think just being there and being supportive to them.If you are comparing yourself to them they will stop wanting to be around you.I have only seen my mother maybe two times in the past year.I only live and hour and a half from her.Her mouth opens up and she is just hurtful.She may not think she is but it didn't help me with my weight loss journey. My kids are younger and  one lives with me the other he is away at school. I hope you can help yourself with your kids.Maybe see a therapist to help you deal with the weight issues they have.Just to help you from worrying.

thank you all so much I love what you all have said here on this topic. I will practice what is all said here..i  am usually a pretty positive person but this is one topic that is very touchy because of what i have been through. I wouldn't wish a heart attack on anyone..I know from what you say about you can still be unhealthy even being thin, saw that for my own 2 eyes when i was in nutrition class just after my open heart surgery , saw a 60 yr old man thin as a tooth pick he had open heart surgery from clogged arteries..what an eye opener that was..PeaceV Wendy