Please be kind

Most people come to these boards for support.  The last thing anybody wants is to be put down.  Nobody wants to be kicked in the ass and if you don't like giving support then perhaps this isn't the right corner of the internet for you to hang out in.

Amen! 

Agreed! See look Support. That wasnt so hard. I am supporting your comment. lol

Sometimes people need a kick in the ass.  If someone is constantly eating crap and then *****ing about being stalled, there are some people here who will just say "that's ok, just make better choices tomorrow" every time the person posts about their latest indulgence; others of us will tell them the truth... that it is NOT ok to eat crap if they want to keep losing weight and if they want to have half a chance of KEEPING it off, and that they are stalled because of their poor food choices.  Hand patting in that case doesn't do anything to help that person change their self-destructive behavior.  

If your definition of "support" is blowing sunshine up someone's skirt, then you are going to be disappointed by the responses of most of the vets here.  We have seen the red flags and watched people fail.  We have also seen people get pissed off because they were told something they didn't want to hear, disappear for a while, and then come back to say they realized that the vets comments were right on target and that they then made changes accordingly.

i did not suggest that the OP seek counseling, but I suggested that she look at WHY she are the pizza because -- as the others pointed out -- making bad choices less than a month out is a huge red flag.  I decided to withhold the suggestion for counseling because this was the first post (and red flag) I had seen from her, and because she clearly recognized it was a big mistake. If either of those two aspects had been different, I too would have strongly recommended counseling.  Suggesting counseling is not putting someone down.  MANY people here have utilized counseling to make the needed changes or address the psychological/emotional issues that contributed to their obesity and are sabotaging (or might) their post-op success.

Lora

I haven't had the surgery yet, but I can say this - if I screw up, it's on me and I would want someone to give me a kick in the ass. I cannot imagine going through all the tests, diets, doctor visits, etc. and then thinking it's ok to put something in my mouth that I have been TOLD not to eat. All the counseling, visits with the nutritionist, arguing with insurance, etc. is NOT worth a slice of pizza or a beer/margarita. BTW, I can't see the original posts, I'm just responding to this 'Please be kind' diatribe. I don't want anything sugar coated - I want the bald truth. I believe when you've gone through as much as you do to get to surgery, why would you want to sabotage yourself? So, all you vets out there, PLEASE kick my ass if I get on OH and start whining about a bad choice. I will have earned a severe ass kicking, tongue lashing and anything else they can send my way. I sure as hell don't want to be where I am right now - fat and f*ing miserable. I want to be where they are - happy, healthy and enjoying my life - in my new and improved, energetic, healthy body.

Support comes in many different ways. I want the kick in the ass and reality. Looks like you're getting hand pats and shoulder rubbing from plenty of people. Maybe the next time you post something, ask for what you want instead of leaving the door open for you to receive what you may actually need. You'll probably still get a lot of both since this is an open forum.

BTW, I think all of the posts suggesting you find out why you eat pizza when it is definitely NOT on the WLS menu, are right on. Why is pizza even an option for you? Are the people in your house not supportive of you in your endeavor to lose weight and be healthy? Are you scared of reaching your goal? The questions are endless, but there's really only one solution. Find out why you think it's ok to eat pizza (or whatever you may be eating). There are so many resources available - OA, your nutritionist, your family doctor and many other avenues - not to mention OH.

SK-Thank you for continuing to hang in, after all these years. Your information and experience is invaluable, though peeps may not be able to realize it at the time.

Your siggy line needs to be 200 pt font and blinking like a Times Square Marquee...

"8 years post and 100% loss maintained"...sorry..only 14 pt and no blinking..my bad..

But..my point is..you OBVIOUSLY know how to do things CORRECTLY..you are HERE...you are HEALTHY...you CARE ENOUGH TO TAKE THE TIME TO RESPOND!!!!!!!

I, myself, am not not not not not a "rainbow and fairy farts" type poster. Ask a question..you get the truth...want your hand held? Call your mama..Want someone to tell you it's okay to eat those Doritos on the way home from surgery-as long as you chew them up, and spit them out :) - talk to the mirror..

I thought about about doing one of my bi-monthly threads about forum nannies/pushing the mommy button/trying to save peoples' lives and the heartache of regain/how "Kindness CAN kill"..but it's all out of my system now...lucky YOU..the victim of my rant, this early Saturday morning!!!

OH has been my lifesaver (literally), for nearly 12 years, and I SO want others to be able to have at least SOME of the deep connections I have experienced. There are lifelong friendships, both cyber, and IRL, that never would have happened, without OH. No matter how many times the site/forums "evolve", I feel a  loyalty to remain a part of "the family"..(And-to be clear-I'm just a "me"-not an employee/mod/whatever)

Again, thanks for being one of the few vets who has hang in here!

They REALLY need a LOVE button here!

Exactly. Support is not rainbows and fairy dust. If someone is making bad choices, he/she needs to stop. You can pretty much eat anything the first six months or so and still lose. The surgery is doing all the work. Those of us who keep off the weight try to share our wisdom with others. It may come across as rude and abrupt, but it is reality. There are too many people here who continue to live with a "victim" mentality. That does not bode well for long-term success.

If people can't handle the truth, they should not post.

where the helllllll are my clapping hands:) good sound advise from someone who has stuck around and helped for many years, I think "someone" needs to remember we are not mama and not going to hand hold, if you knew it was "wrong" and wanted hand holding, call family they are super good at that,,, that is how most got here to begin with , our enablers, good luck on a better day of food choice's that meet your food plan from YOUR DR.