4 years post op - feel like a failure - is there any hope?!

WOW!  Exactly what I came here looking for.

I had RNY about 7 yrs ago and have regained all the weight.

You know how through-out all the months in  pre-op program I can't even begin  to count the number of times I heard "This is just a tool.  You have to do the work to make the tool work"   But in my brain I was telling myself that I didn't have to do any work; that this "tool" was going to do all the work for me.  I told myself that I had to do nothing because the surgery would prevent me from bei ng able to overeat and the malabsorption and dumping syndrome would keep me from eating the wrong things or too much of anything.

Boy did I have myself convinced that WLS really is the "easy way out" and that the surgeon was going to do everything that needed to be done for me to be "normal".  And boy was I wrong.

Now, 7 years post-op, I have finally realized that even though I had WLS I still have to work at it.

And at 333 pounds, I am having a revision this coming week.  But this time I am hoping that I have truly realized that when I leave that hospital, along with my digestive system having been altered, my brain and attitude HAS to have been too.  And I know that no matter how good my surgeon is, he can't fix my brain. 

 

Can you imagine that at 333 pounds, even after having had freaking surgery to get my weight under control, I still eat candy, cookies, ice cream, pizza, french fries, and all the other crap I know I shouldn't.

I must say, part of it actually is my body.  I don't get dumping syndrome and I know that helps keep you on track a little bit.  And I can still eat large quantities of food.

I had an upper GI test to see if my pouch was leaking causing me to be able to easily overeat with no physical symptoms of discomfort.  That was finwe.  I had an endocopy so he could actually see if the pouch was stretched or if the intestines were not working as they should.   The doctor said everything appeared to be just as it should be.  The pouch is not leaking or has not stretched and is the size it should be.  And nobody can give me an answer why I can still eat 1/2 a large pizza slice after slice, or 2 burgers and fries at a sitting.  Or a bag of candy and not get some reaction from an overload of sugar.

But, I know the real answer isn't in  my stomach or my intestines, it is in  my head.

I am praying for the strength to be able to use this wonderful tool to help me have a life again.

At this point I need a hop and a knee replacement, but no surgeon wants to do it until I lose weight.

I have to use a walker to get around, I take oxycontin AND  up to as many as 6 a day of 10 mg vicodin and yet I still couldn't stop eating, even knowing that less weight on my joints would mean less pain and better mobility.  How stupid and self-sabatoging can 1 person be????

I guess I just neeed to vent and maybe even just write down all this as a way of admitting to myself what I have done to myself.

Any suggestions to help my psychological changes would be much appreciated.

Also, any suggestions for overcoming "mouth hunger" when your stomach isn't but your mouth just wants to eat---and it only wants the bad stuff : (

Thanks.

 

 

 

 

I would suggest a good therapist who works with eating disorders. I figured out only a couple of weeks after surgery that my stinking thinking would cause me to fail this surgery.

I personally think therapy should be mandatory with any wls. I self sabotage most good things in my life. I have addiction problems, 20 yrs clean off of drugs transfer addictions are a real thing for me.

Until you work through the head issues no wls will fix things for most people. Some are able to figure it out on their own like some are able to get sober on their own, but many of us need help.

Its okay to need help and get it. Good luck!

I second mslitch on this, a good ED therapist will help you so much, I see mine weekly and I don't know what I'd do without her, I also agree that it should be mandatory for everyone, often those that swear they don't need one are the ones that need it the most, good luck imlin I hope you can get on top of whatever it is that's holding you back- with a little bit of help you can defiantly succeed at this!

I have been told and have read on this site only about 30% or so people have dumping syndrome.  I do not dump.  I was hoping I would be in the 30 ish % group, but I am not.  That means sugar does not generally affect me unless I eat too much on an empty stomach or when I have not had a good meal of protein.  That means it must be discipline. You may not be a dumper either.

I am so happy you are having revision surgery.  I wish you the best, the very best.  The only road to success is life long change of habits, healthy, mindful food choices and daily exercise.

It is so important for these posts to be seen. I applaud your courage in posting this. I too am a ways out from my surgery and gain all my weight back plus more. BUT I know that we can get back on track. This site has been helpful and hurtful to me so I am glad to see the support that is shown in your replies. I am back to blogging my journey back to a healthy me because I need to and because I do think it is so important for others to see that this isnt a magic pill it is a lifetime of dedication to nutrition and self care/love. Thanks again for posting this and good luck.

Beautiful, encouraging words....

You all are right, I need to get the mental part down as well as the physical part.  I have looked for a therapist who specializes or heck, even deals with food addictions in my area.  I haven't been able to find one.  I think accountability will help.  Being accountable to others as well to myself.  Tracking and writing down EVERYTHING that goes into my mouth.  

It sounds like I'm not the only person who has gained a significiant amount of weight back after surgery and is now working to get it off.  I'd love to be able to band together with you girls that are working on this as well.  Does anyone know if there is a way or place to form a smaller group where we could help each other out?  I know we could do something like that on Facebook but I know that not everyone likes everyone they don't know to see all their stuff (understandably), personally, I don't really care although, I have pretty much kept my surgery a secret - I think I have only told my immediate family and maybe 2-3 friends.  Crazy.  That alone set me up for failure, IMO!    Anyway, if anyone knows of a way we can do so, please let me know.  

I'd like to thank each of you for your love and support.  I'd love to keep in touch and support those who are going through this journey, just like i am.

Happy Sunday!  Be blessed!

Maybe we can start a new group on here? I would for sure join!!

There is a 'Back on Track Together" group here, but is quite large, is kinda generic, in my opinion. If anyone would be interested in a more private, CLOSED group, where you could truly feel open to talk/share/vent...I'm thinking I'd be willing to start it and admin it...I say THINKING cuz it IS an undertaking and have been  bit overwhelmed/burned in the past..but this is a subject to very near and dear to my heart

I will 11 years out tomorrow..and struggle very day..sometimes every hour..

I'll be away from the computer the rest of the day, but if this something you THINK you would like to join and PARTICIPATE in, please message me, her, on OH..I'd like your input before I do it. It would not be an open, public group

Hi Gina,

 

I would be happy to join!  I am also a 4yr postop that is struggling.  Lost job and husband health issues kept getting to me. Orginally lost 80 lbs. and gained back 50lbs. 

 

Beth