4 years post op - feel like a failure - is there any hope?!

It's been a LONG time since I visited this site or these forums.  As I look around and re-read my pre-op/post op blog, it reminds me of a time when I was so excited and motivated!  And, it makes me WANT to figure out what I can do now.

So, in a nutshell, I'm a little over 4 years out.  I origonally lost about 75 pounds.  I've gained back probably 50 of that.  I am so thankful that I didn't gain all of it back but can't help but be mad at myself for going through the surgery and allowing myself to gain that much back.  I know the RNY is a tool - I take total responsibility for my actions.  

I know that I've stretched my pouch - how much, I'm not sure.  I still cannot eat a "normal" size meal without feeling full or uncomfortable.  My problem is is that I graze (on junk) all day long.  I know that I need and want to make better choices and am wondering if you have a recomendation of what I should do now.  Should I do the 5 day pouch test or I'm even thinking about doing the 10 day pre-op diet (wasn't it all liquids with one solid meal at dinner?) as I had great results with that.  Any help or advice you have would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you, in advance.

 

I feel the same way. with different numbers - our story is exactly the same. If you get good advice, will you pass it on to me...I am just sick and heartbroken - and ashamed. Imaginheir  

 

There is only one way to fix it, the 5 day test is not it. Go back to basics protein first, no drinking with meals or 30-60 min. after. Measure your foods make a schedule and stick to it. Then I'd advise seeking counseling to work on the issues that kept you from getting to goal, and staying where you did get. I'm a self saboteur I know from other things, so I worked with a therapist to keep myself from doing it this time. There are no magic cures it's hard work. You just have to want it bad enough to do it. You still have your tool use it. It won't come off as quick as the first 6 months but with hard work you can so it.

I hope Gina will respond. She got to her goal years after her weight loss surgery. Yvonne did an excellent job interviewing her for her website. Here is the link:

http://www2.wlssuccess.com/2012/03/archive-of-the-week-why-i -do-what-i-do/

I think the most important thing for you to do is to forgive yourself. You also have to believe you are worth the effort it takes to lose the weight. And it will be hard work. but you can do it.

Log every bite that enters your mouth. No more grazing. If you do not log it, you cannot eat it. Period.

You can do this. Keep us posted on your progress!!

As long as there is air moving in and out of your mouth and lungs, there is HOPE !!! I LOVE that you are taking OWNERSHIP of your actions--so many peeps refuse to do that..You are already WAY ahead of the game !!! I hope you don't mind my laziness, but I'm going to cut and paste the reply I just typed, to a poster, on another thread, regarding the 5 day pouch test. She basically was in your same situation:

I really wish the 5 day pouch "TEST" hgad another name. It gets a bad rap. IMHO, because it gets miscontsrued info, as it gets passed from person to person, and has many misconceptions, from its original intention....

MY experience with the 5dpt:

It is NOT NOT NOT intended for weight loss, though you may see that as a often TEMPORARY benefit (like when you had "water weight loss" that million times when you started a new diet, back in the old days)

It DOES help give you a "re-set" point..like a "retrain the brain"..much as in "On Monday, April 22nd I will stop smoking"...You know you can do ANYTHING for a day..then 2 days..etc...

Does the pouch actually "shrink"??? Self fulfilling phophecy..if you THINK something happens, then it DOES..I swear I feel fuller by day 3, and my carb cravings are back under control. I have done the 5dpt probably 4-5 times, over the years. Originally it was the catalyst to get me started on the rod to losing a 60 pound regain. There are lots of recipes on the 5dpt website, and there is even a book, but I never cook the soups, etc..I am NOT a cook...I just did the shakes...

I, too, am a GRAZER...and that grazing is just the toughest thing ever--I totally "get you" on that one...This is where pre-planning may be very helpful to you, until you get the hang of everything again..

You COULD do the "10 day"..but it's tough..and not really necssary, IMHO...Just stick to protein first..then greens..then starch...and get your fluids in, between meals..

You CAN absolutely do this !!!! Day after tomorrow I will be 11 years post RNY. I did not reach "goal" until I was 9 yrs out, and had many ups and downs along the way, including a 60 pound regain/loss. I have since completed 3 half marathons, and, at 55 yrs old, am 200% healthier than I was at age 30..

You can get the weight back off..NO DOUBT...tell us what we can do to help..WE'RE HERE !!!!

Gina

Thank you, thank you, thank you!  You give me hope that I CAN do this!  I'm so glad that I decided today to find this website again.  

How can you help me?  First and for most, prayers would be wonderful.  Lord knows, I need them.  Besides my grazing, I'm totally addicted to Diet Pepsi (I know, pop or soda, is a BIG WLS no-no!).  I did stop drinking it for well over a year before/after surgery but that bubbly, fizzy, yummy taste, I never was able to stop thinking about.  Ugh.....I would love to say that I'm going to stop drinking it all together - with God's help, I can do this.  Will I stop right away?  I don't know!  I will certainly try and if I can't go all day without a DP, I'll at least have cut down and add water into my day (something that I very rarely have!).  So, prayers that I can give up my DP addiction and focus on only putting good, healthy stuff in my mouth would be wonderful!

Congrats on your loss - so inspiring and so amazing!  

Everyone "stops" habits a different way. If DP isn't REALLY hurting you, don't kill yourself over it..but..if it is making you HUNGRY..as ANY flavored beverage often will-SF or not, only YOU can decide if it is friend or foe...I drink coffee..and it sure ain't decaf..BUT..I make a deal with myself..I must drink 2 x the PLAIN WATER as I drink coffee..so every cup of coffee, I must have 2 cups water, before I can have any more coffee..sounds silly, but it works for ME...You might also try to start diluting your DP..put it in a glass..add an ounce a water the first day, 2 ounces water the 2nd day, etc...before long the fizz you like so much won't be so great, the taste will be altered, and maybe you won't like it hardly at all. It's pretty amazing how we can retrain ourselves, when our heart our-rides our brain..

Prayers? My absolute PRIVILIGE! What's your first name?

You are so sweet, Gina.  My name is Anita.  :-)

I love your advice on DP.  While for some, this wouldn't be a problem - for me it certainly is.  ALL I drink is DP - no water,  no coffee,  no tea, nothing else!  Eek!  And to make matters worse, I know that drinking it makes me snack more.  Today, I am adding water into my routine.  I will have a glass of DP this morning (it's like my coffee!  Ha ha!) and one with dinner tonight.  I guess more importantly then stopping it right now, I'm going to focus on drinking more water.  I love your two cups of water to one cup of coffee - that's my hope with my DP.

Along with drinking more water and less DP, today is my fresh start.  I feel like the best thing I can do is two liquids and one normal meal - just like before surgery for the next week to 10 days.  For me, I feel like it'll help me to "feel" my pouch better - or at least in my mind it'll work that way!  Ha ha!  Plus, I think it'll give me a kick start to losing weight again which will hopefully lead to more motivation.

I'd so love to see a group started for us.  If you end up doing it, please do include me.  :-)  Thank you, again!

I agree with you on the 5 day pouch test.  I too believe it can be another tool for resetting the brain.  It can give a huge boost for kick-starting good habits. 

WOW !!! Thank you for your post.  I needed the encouragement.  thanks.