Saying "No" To Those Who Want to Spoil Us

Setting boundaries is one of the most difficult things to do. If you're anything like me, you don't want to hurt people's feelings. You don't want to tell people no. You don't want to be judged. And, sometimes it's just easier to give in than it is to explain your preferred food choices.   You know as well as I do that people celebrate with food. We live and love food; we dream about food. In fact, I often say that messing with people's sugar is like kicking puppies.   So, when we consider saying, "No, thank you" to our loved ones when faced with Grandma's prized apple pie, we may be made to feel like we're drop-kicking her dog.   As WLS patients who know what it is like to be morbidly obese, setting loving limits is not only the key to our success, but to our survival. Just like the ninja who operates in stealth mode, we must go to whatever lengths are necessary to keep from reverting to old habits, thoughts, and behaviors surrounding food.   While setting the limits may cause you discomfort as first, the goal is for people to stop offering you sugary or high-carb snacks. Any inconsistency on your part may sabotage this goal.   When you occasionally give in to Grandma, Aunt Lorraine, or your office mate, you are inadvertently teaching them that sometimes you will say yes. So, they will keep offering.   With a little practice (and really cool ninja garb), you can begin to use a predictable "No" with everyone pushing pie and the like -- so you can train them to stop offering you the menacing morsels. Here are a few actions you can take right now, wherever you are in your WLS journey:    

I like the way you think and your humor.  In addition, I also agree with you.

I will add that the reason I think most folks keep offering us those foods is out of a sense of politeness...

When I was growing up, I was taught you never eat in front of someone without offering said food to them; consequently, I have found myself on countless occasions offering food to someone who has mentioned to me that they are dieting.  I've never done it intentionally, but rather just out of the habit of being polite. 

 

I think the reason pele keep offering is because all too often, we cave in and say, "ok, just a little".

 

If our "no" really means no, they will stop offering and move on.  I don't eat cake, cookies, pie, etc and have not for over 3 years and it is not even a discussion anymore.  Not my food .....it is not offered or suggested.  It is available for everyone else, but no one asks me if I want it.

Aha! That's why I didn't say no to the cheesecake at the Christmas party--no ninja garb. Next time, I'll have to dress appropriately!

You've hit the nail on the head with this one! Our enablers love us and it's so hard to tell them no and hurt their feelings. Food=love is one of the biggest reasons I was morbidly obese to begin with. My poor mother is not emotionally able to express her love through touch or words but she can say it with food and so she did. And ended up with 2 morbidly obese children as a result--when she herself is severely underweight. She's better about it now with me, but I see her still loving my brother with food and as he is tipping the scales at 400 lbs. I think I might have to stage an intervention. (For her, not him. He and I discuss his options all the time, but I know he has to make his own decisions.)

Thanks for this cute and spot on post; rock on Ninja, rock on!

Things you describe can make me violently ill.   So I learn to say "no thank you" and mean it. Only times i take some sweets home is for my BF to enjoy. It took a while for people to accept that. One person keep insisting I taste the pie and have a slice "you are so thin, you don't need to diet anymore, don't deny yourself" - she said while she put a slice of pie on my desk. "you can eat that when nobody sees you".. she added.   I know she meant well, but that piece of pie end up on top in my trash.. with the trash can in a front view.  When she stopped by my desk later that day she gasped... I told her I tried the pie but that I did not like it. so I tossed it. She never gave me another, and warns others not to push sweets on me ....  

Fuck how do I get people to offer me anything.  I want chocolate.  My grandmother and mom are dead and my boyfriends mom couldn't cook to save her life.  I don't eat at work, so no food there and my bf never knows my diet status so he wouldn't dream of bringing me food I haven't given prior approval too.  So its all me to buy chocolate or deny it.

Oh god, hahahahahahahahaha!  Damn near choked myself laughing.   Jane

I am normally a people pleaser but when I decided to have the surgery I decided I am going to do what is best for me and put myself first.  I set my boundaries very early on.  I told all my close friends, church family and family before my weight loss surgery that although I understand that they all love me to death, I don't literally want to be loved to death anymore.  I wanted them to love me back to life.  It seems to have worked.  I have a very supportive network of friends and family.  Some even called at Christmas to see if there was something specific I could have so they could make me a special dish.  There wasn't because I was just starting blended but the thought was so very nice.  Plus, since my husband doesn't want to sabotage my progress with chocolates, he brings me new jewelry when he wants to treat me. So, I will have new jewelry to wear with my new clothes for my new body when I reach my goals.  If he can't find jewelry that he thinks I will like he buys me scarves, or accessories that will never be too big or too small.  Yes, ladies, I know how lucky I am.  :)  He is definitely a keeper.  Such a sweet man.