Xpost: Perspective on my obesity

I'm working on a photo book for my and my husband's 15th anniversary that is later this month, and I (obviously) coming across pics from when I was really, really heavy. And it's weird: I look happy in almost all of them. 

I knew, of course, that I was fat, heavy, overweight, obese, whatever term you choose, but it never really bothered me at the time. And let's not forget that people in general and society as a whole dearly love to make sure that we never forget that we're fat. 

I was bothered by the fact that I felt like crap all the time, and that I was unhealthy and that buying clothes was a traumatic pain in the ass. But it wasn't THAT big of a day-to-day issue weighing on my mind (pun intended.)  I may not have been happy with it, but I had made peace, of a sort, with it.

When I look at these pics now, I can't even remember who that woman was, and why she allowed herself to get so jaw-droppingly big. And what a mixed bag of emotions that brings out in me: sadness, guilt, astonishment, regret, anger, a bit of nausea even. Looking at these pics also remind me of how far I've come. How, no matter if I still would like to lose ten/twenty/thirty pounds, there is such a huge difference between where I was and where I am now.

I don't have to worry about seeing pictures of my MO, because there aren't any, if I saw any I ripped them up.  Being MO was the absolute worst thing for me, seeing myself that way was just more painful then I can describe.  I was so far in denial it wasn't even funny, maybe thats why I really have come to hate food, food put me in a prison that the only escape from was risking my life with wls.  But it was worth it, if I died on the table, so be it, I died trying.  I don't think anyone should have wls until they feel like risking death is a better alternative then living another day MO.

Congrats on rocking that band.

A question for you:  do you not see yourself as the girl you used to be?  That she will always be a part of who you are because she IS you?  Just curious, as you seem to have a very different perspective in reading your posts for several years.

I'm a support group leader and I always tell my peeps not to hate the girl they see in the mirror today because she will always be a part of who you are. And you should never forget where you came from so that you can choose not to go back.

Heidi I can so relate with you! there are days when I just don't even want to think about food, It's like a prison and If I don't eat I get RH.

I do have a few pics of me when I was MO, but not many. I rarely let anyone take my picture when I was obese. I think I have accepted who I was and have forgiven myself, but honestly the old feelings come rushing back when old pics I have never seen pop up. My brother tagged me in an old pic a few months ago and it completely freaked me out. Of course I immediately untagged myself. Ugh....

Laura, I've done the same exact thing when old pictures are tagged from family on FB.  I remember that time very well......it was a difficult time for me and I really do not want the picture reminders shared.

Cajungirl - I know exactly what you mean.  I didn't want any reminders either.

I never allowed my picture to be taken - period.  You've don't fantastic Bette!!!