I am scared

I am 5'2".  Heidi knows me and I do smoke. Loris

If Lori is still smoking - chances are that that not only maybe caused her stroke but maybe what has caused her to get ulcers and what prevents them from healing.

I hope Lori's story hits home with some pre-ops (and post ops) so they understand WHY smoking and WLS do NOT go together ...

I wish you well, Lori ... You have had great advice from people here - I hope you heed it!

I was on a feeding tube just recently and had it for almost 2 months. I was in the hospital with respiratory failure and had a trachia so I couldn't eat. (the tube and trachia are out now) The tube was uncomfortable going in, but afterwards I could hardly feel it. If this is what you need to keep your body alive, then I think you should probably consider having it done, at least until your insides heal.

Prayers and hugs are with you.

you have received some tough love and good advice here i hope you are able to receive it because you are killing yourself slowly. i watched someone very close to me died from malnutrition its not pretty. This is very serious. Feed your body on your own or get the feeding tube.
You will be in my prayers...

 Oh dear, Loris.  I'm glad you're going to go to the doc.  This is very serious.  I won't go as bonzo ***** on you as Heidi (hi, Heidi, dear!), but you do need to knock off the cigs.  They really do cut the appetite and there are times when I get hungry when I really wish I could have one (I quit smoking back in 2001), but I know they are disgusting unhealthy things and I'm not going there.  That said, food makes me sick too.  Often the thought of it makes me sick, often eating it makes me sick.  However, every since I had my RNY, I'm unable to throw up.  A blessing and a curse.  There are sometimes when I swear it is the only thing that will relieve my pain and well . . . I can't.  I do manage to eat.  I even gained some of my weight back.  Not a whole lot, and I'm losing some of it again, but I haven't gotten ulcers or anything like that.  See the doc.  Have them help you get off the cigs.  You didn't get thin and try to improve your health so you could kill yourself with cancer sticks.

 I'm sorry Loris. Come sit next to me at my pity party. :) I know exactly what you mean by being repulsed by the thought of eating. Call it psychological or whatever.... I have thrown up so much that I became a vegetarian a few months ago. I know it is from Meat always hurting an vomiting and just developing a distaste for it all together. I tried to eat a shrimp the other day and vomited as soon as I swallowed it. I do make 2 protien shakes in the morning and put them in bottles and sip on them thru the day. I also try to focus on getting all my ulcer meds, vitamins, carafate in. I know it is not ideal to live on liquids, I wish I could eat. I know it's for the best, but I also know the pain I will have when I eat and the vomiting that will ensue. 
We are not perfect. We make mistakes and I'm sure it is very hard to give up cigarettes. I just wanted you to know I sorta understand where you are coming from. ((hugs))

Thanks for your kind words. I am sorry you are having such problems.

How long have you been on Carafate?  Is it a long term thing for you?   I am also taking Protonix.

I start seieng doctors next week.

l will pray for you.  Loris

 I have been on carafate almost 2 years now (off and on, but when I have EGDs done I have to take it). It's nasty but I'm hoping one day it will work and heal my stomach. I hope things get better for you too.

Hi Loris,

Glad you are still reaching out and are going to get some medical help to sustain your body.

I know you say: ""At 5' 5" and 125 I don't want to lose any more, but the concern is the rapidness of the weight loss the lack of nutrition ,weakness and the inability of the ulcers to heal without nourishment.""

I will give you my 2 cents worth, because you posted to all of us, which I believe means you are willing to hear all different "takes" on this.

Some of "us" got morbidly obese (or super, morbidly obese in my case), because we were committing a slow suicide. There was something inside that caused us and may STILL cause us to do things which we know in our heads will hurt us-but we feel compelled to still do these things. There is something unresponsive inside which stops you from smoking or from whatever other harmful things you may or may not choose to do.

If this response for self protection and compassion is missing, we are in real danger. It's like having a baby and the parents are neglecting it. No good comes. Sometimes the harm is swift and shows up fast, sometimes the harm is slow moving and tears our poor bodies apart limb by limb.

If that is the case for any of us, the case of not having that thing in you that rises up and says "HELL no-I am not doing this thing to myself anymore"-then a doctor will not be the only help needed.

What is needed is help on locating that part of us that WILL protect our well being. Self neglect is just as sad and heartbreaking as watching a baby cry for hours with no one to hold her and protect her.

There is help...


Peace,
T

I thougth about this very thng yesterday, but not quite as eolquentty as you put it.   I do wonder about this and will add my shrink to my docs I need to have a heart to heart with. We haven talked resently, but he wasn'y concerned, but we will talk again very soon.  Thank you, Loris