I Wish I Never Had Wls
I am also a very slow-paced person. I've had a migraine for over 4 years, and I have spent far too much of my life sleeping. I have very little stamina. There are days I can't get out of bed, and days I can make it to the couch and use the computer but not much else. My house is usually a wreck. Even when I have a good day I have to pace myself.
BUT my family understands and supports me. My husband does far more than his share of the housework. My daughter does nearly all the grocery shopping. I don't cook. I take care of my own meals, but that's it. Nobody complains when I fade out when we're on an outing. They go at my pace. I feel horrible that I'm holding them back, but they don't complain.
I can totally relate to your frustration about your limitations. Your fiance is a total jerkwad. Not all men are like that, trust me. Either he changes or you dump him. You're better off alone, or finding a man who ISN'T like that.
To get him to change (if you even want to try) you may have to have your foot out the door. He may have to realize that if he doesn't change you won't tolerate it, and you'll be gone.
BUT my family understands and supports me. My husband does far more than his share of the housework. My daughter does nearly all the grocery shopping. I don't cook. I take care of my own meals, but that's it. Nobody complains when I fade out when we're on an outing. They go at my pace. I feel horrible that I'm holding them back, but they don't complain.
I can totally relate to your frustration about your limitations. Your fiance is a total jerkwad. Not all men are like that, trust me. Either he changes or you dump him. You're better off alone, or finding a man who ISN'T like that.
To get him to change (if you even want to try) you may have to have your foot out the door. He may have to realize that if he doesn't change you won't tolerate it, and you'll be gone.
- Barb, who is at GOOOOOOAAAAAAL!
HW: 274 SW: 244 GW: 137 CW: 137!
Keep on swimming! Keep on swimming!
Your WLS is absolutely the cause of every problem in your life right now---because if you had not had it, you'd already be dead.
There. Now that we've got blaming WLS out of the way---
You are not causing your fiance's "anger issues"---they're HIS issues, and he has them because he's a selfish, spoiled, uncaring *******Completely NOT your fafult. (And you can't even blame your WLS for this one.)
Ys, there are a lot of things you physically can't do---beccause you've had 9 heart surgeries.(We can b;ame your WLS for this one---it kept you alive long enough to have the surgeries.) Accept this, and don't waste your time with anyone who CAN'T accept this. Find someone who appreciates the things you CAN do.
Your son and his friends are happy...and fat. Betcha anything they're NOT happy because they're fat. I'm sorry that you have no appetite. Have you discussed this with your doctor? There are actually medications to boost appetite.
I spent a lot of time being unhappy, until one day I accepted the fact that the only person responsible for my happiness was ME. I started putting myself first, and you know what? I've been a LOT happier---and have a lot more friends!---than I did back then. You can, doo, if you just make up your mind to do so.
There. Now that we've got blaming WLS out of the way---
You are not causing your fiance's "anger issues"---they're HIS issues, and he has them because he's a selfish, spoiled, uncaring *******Completely NOT your fafult. (And you can't even blame your WLS for this one.)
Ys, there are a lot of things you physically can't do---beccause you've had 9 heart surgeries.(We can b;ame your WLS for this one---it kept you alive long enough to have the surgeries.) Accept this, and don't waste your time with anyone who CAN'T accept this. Find someone who appreciates the things you CAN do.
Your son and his friends are happy...and fat. Betcha anything they're NOT happy because they're fat. I'm sorry that you have no appetite. Have you discussed this with your doctor? There are actually medications to boost appetite.
I spent a lot of time being unhappy, until one day I accepted the fact that the only person responsible for my happiness was ME. I started putting myself first, and you know what? I've been a LOT happier---and have a lot more friends!---than I did back then. You can, doo, if you just make up your mind to do so.
I dont want to live anymore..
You say it will pass..so heartless of you to say that to me MM
I will never have a man in my life. they all want me to work hard, well I can't, my energy level is not of a 16 yr old, after 9 heart surgeries i will never be able to do (even after taking off 110 lbs.)what all men want and thats to work outside the home and cook and clean for them (their place and mine)I am so mad. and do everything "THEY" want me to do..I get condemned because i spend too much time on the computer reading researching medical issues and working on eating healthy foods.Last summer I did ride horses with him , because it is his passion, not mine.never will be mine. I am a city girl..
He never does things with me that are my passion, its been discussed and he just has no interest that i like..and wont do them with me.
I am the reason for making my fiance have anger issues..I cant keep up with him. Don't want to leave him either. He does have good things about him. I have another app with the therapist Monday.he's reminding me of my step father (that molested me when i was 11)..whom slapped the **** oughtta me gave me a biggest bloody nose because i wouldnt cook dinner for him at age 16.. I cant stop crying, no one to talk to.. i'd rather not burden my family with my problems..its crazy, i go visit my 35 yr old son and they all seem happy and fat. laughing.. maybe i'd been happier fat..now i cant eat. no appetite...most of this reflects back to my decision of having wls.. i dont go into much detail so people in OH dont understand me. i am miserable.. I really dont want to live anymore, that will never change.
This world is too fast paced for me.. hugs to you guys,,Peace \/ ..........Wendy
Hi Wendy! I have been in your place (on so many levels) and almost pushed my husband out of my life because I projected the behaviors of the people who hurt me when I was young onto him...he wasn't actually behaving that way, but it was the way I expected to be treated. Share your feelings with your fiance in a way that won't make him feel like you are blaming him...tell him how you feel, not why you feel a certain way. He may be completely unaware of your perspective. I have been through counseling so many times, alone and couple counseling, and it does help. Your fiance cannot change your feelings, but knowing what you are feeling may help him understand why you are the person you are. He fell in love with you, so he must have seen something amazing in you that you just don't see in yourself. He cannot hear what your inner voice is saying...he can only hear what you actually say to him...time to open up to him and learn to love yourself as you are. Only then will you be open to allowing others to love you.
Steph
You say it will pass..so heartless of you to say that to me MM
I will never have a man in my life. they all want me to work hard, well I can't, my energy level is not of a 16 yr old, after 9 heart surgeries i will never be able to do (even after taking off 110 lbs.)what all men want and thats to work outside the home and cook and clean for them (their place and mine)I am so mad. and do everything "THEY" want me to do..I get condemned because i spend too much time on the computer reading researching medical issues and working on eating healthy foods.Last summer I did ride horses with him , because it is his passion, not mine.never will be mine. I am a city girl..
He never does things with me that are my passion, its been discussed and he just has no interest that i like..and wont do them with me.
I am the reason for making my fiance have anger issues..I cant keep up with him. Don't want to leave him either. He does have good things about him. I have another app with the therapist Monday.he's reminding me of my step father (that molested me when i was 11)..whom slapped the **** oughtta me gave me a biggest bloody nose because i wouldnt cook dinner for him at age 16.. I cant stop crying, no one to talk to.. i'd rather not burden my family with my problems..its crazy, i go visit my 35 yr old son and they all seem happy and fat. laughing.. maybe i'd been happier fat..now i cant eat. no appetite...most of this reflects back to my decision of having wls.. i dont go into much detail so people in OH dont understand me. i am miserable.. I really dont want to live anymore, that will never change.
This world is too fast paced for me.. hugs to you guys,,Peace \/ ..........Wendy
Hi Wendy! I have been in your place (on so many levels) and almost pushed my husband out of my life because I projected the behaviors of the people who hurt me when I was young onto him...he wasn't actually behaving that way, but it was the way I expected to be treated. Share your feelings with your fiance in a way that won't make him feel like you are blaming him...tell him how you feel, not why you feel a certain way. He may be completely unaware of your perspective. I have been through counseling so many times, alone and couple counseling, and it does help. Your fiance cannot change your feelings, but knowing what you are feeling may help him understand why you are the person you are. He fell in love with you, so he must have seen something amazing in you that you just don't see in yourself. He cannot hear what your inner voice is saying...he can only hear what you actually say to him...time to open up to him and learn to love yourself as you are. Only then will you be open to allowing others to love you.
Steph
6-7-13 band removed. No revision. Facebook Failed Lapbands and Realize Bands group and WLS-Support for Regain and Revision Group
Wow, what a thread you started, and what an out pouring of love and support from all sorts of different points of view, all loving and honest, and all helpful if you can hear them.
I hope you hear all these people- the quality of your life depends on our ability to listen and hear and then put into place with action. The quality of your life depends on you. The quality of my life depends on me and my attitude and actions.
Unworkable relationships, and I have had my share of them, only make life miserable. Why bother with them? If someone can't or won't shift, why hang on? Aren't you worth more than that?
Sure it's hard, but so what? It's the only life you have that you know about. Yes, bad things happen that are hard and unfair, but that's the way it is.
What can you bring to the table of your life? What's the stuff you are made of? Can you use your anger as positive energy?
I think some honest soul searching might be helpful for you right now. And if you get mad about what I am saying, USE IT! Use it to get you moving in the right direction for you.
I hope you hear all these people- the quality of your life depends on our ability to listen and hear and then put into place with action. The quality of your life depends on you. The quality of my life depends on me and my attitude and actions.
Unworkable relationships, and I have had my share of them, only make life miserable. Why bother with them? If someone can't or won't shift, why hang on? Aren't you worth more than that?
Sure it's hard, but so what? It's the only life you have that you know about. Yes, bad things happen that are hard and unfair, but that's the way it is.
What can you bring to the table of your life? What's the stuff you are made of? Can you use your anger as positive energy?
I think some honest soul searching might be helpful for you right now. And if you get mad about what I am saying, USE IT! Use it to get you moving in the right direction for you.
"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." Richard Bach
"Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay
Let me try this again, I went for an 8 mile walk last night trying to think of better words explaining my regret of this wls and then it dawned on me. I also have alot of hate for letting myself get clogged arteries, , I was trying to go into detail that having wls changes everything in your life because many people that dont know about wls dont understand the dumping and special diet we have to be on.. my fiance dosent get dumping when he eats cereal with milk, I Do. he dosent get sleepy when he eats oatmeal I DO .to this day he dosent understand that...it will always be that way no matter who i am with..if i didnt have wls i wouldnt get dumping.. this sometimes causes arguments..something very tiny .. I was very very happy for the first 1 year , i was thrilled to have found someone after loosing weight, no one wanted me when i was obese. we have been together 2 years.thats why i agreed to be his fiance.well because of all my health issues i have, makes it very hard to hold a relationship. this is not the first i have been called lazy..This world has been turning so fast pace for over 20 30? years and i have not been anywhere near healthy for that long, I was at 300 + lbs since i was 28. now 54.almost 55 in June.. I wasnt fast then , i was getting by is all, wasnt lazy either but now i have men hating that i spend alot of time on the computer..anyway. i was just explaining the "SO MUCH DIFFERENT lifestly we have mine is worse and harder to understand ,because i am very rearranged inside and cant do much..I've always been with men that were very active. when i was obese i didnt like sitting around and did only what i could do then and now i have slowed down tremenously. men have a hard time understanding that...Peace \/ god my feet hurt, 8 miles ..i overdid it..
I have been doing some kind of therapy for over 12 yrs..I have an app tomorrow afternoon. My fiance just told me yesterday he bought a 3 bed house for us. Now i really need therapy. too ealry to move in together i think. 2 years is not enough time. i always said 3 years is good time
I have been doing some kind of therapy for over 12 yrs..I have an app tomorrow afternoon. My fiance just told me yesterday he bought a 3 bed house for us. Now i really need therapy. too ealry to move in together i think. 2 years is not enough time. i always said 3 years is good time
7stents (2003)...Heart Attack(2004)...Open Heart (2004)....Wls (2007)...Heart attack 2012...1 stent (2012)...Heart Attack (2013)...Heart Attack (2013)...1 stent(2013)
~~~Best Vitamin For Making Friends B1~~~
I'm sorry, I guess I'm not following you very well. What you are saying sounds like such a jumble to me.
Perhaps your obesity caused most of your health problems, and WLS was too late to do much for your health?
And my husband certainly understands dumping and the why and what happens from it. He also never calls me lazy or anything else that puts me down. Why should you allow your fiance to put you down? And it might make sense to not lump all men into your relationship issues. Each one, both men and relationships, is so different.
I certainly hope you figure out something workable for yourself.
Perhaps your obesity caused most of your health problems, and WLS was too late to do much for your health?
And my husband certainly understands dumping and the why and what happens from it. He also never calls me lazy or anything else that puts me down. Why should you allow your fiance to put you down? And it might make sense to not lump all men into your relationship issues. Each one, both men and relationships, is so different.
I certainly hope you figure out something workable for yourself.
"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly." Richard Bach
"Support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world." Katie Jay
whoa nellie!
"my fiance just told me yesterday that he bought a 3 bed house for us"
the man you are planning to marry someday just bought a house for the two of you without you seeing it, without your input, without your agreement to move in?
red flag red flag danger will robinson danger!
that's a weird, controlling sort of behaviour that along with his anger issues scares me on your behalf.
men worth having try to understand your health issues, sympathize and adapt to accommodate them. Men worth having don't just buy houses for you to live in as a team without your input.
MY man (and hell, all my male friends, which is MOST of my friends) is capable of understanding that my health creates limitations...I wouldn't waste my time on a guy who didn't.
"my fiance just told me yesterday that he bought a 3 bed house for us"
the man you are planning to marry someday just bought a house for the two of you without you seeing it, without your input, without your agreement to move in?
red flag red flag danger will robinson danger!
that's a weird, controlling sort of behaviour that along with his anger issues scares me on your behalf.
men worth having try to understand your health issues, sympathize and adapt to accommodate them. Men worth having don't just buy houses for you to live in as a team without your input.
MY man (and hell, all my male friends, which is MOST of my friends) is capable of understanding that my health creates limitations...I wouldn't waste my time on a guy who didn't.
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