I Wish I Never Had Wls

I feel completely different about men. I think lumping a gender into a "selfish and oblivious" category isn't the greatest thing to do.

My husband and I are equal partners, he treats me respectfully and I treat him respectfully. It's not about who takes the reins or who manipulates whom better. That's dysfunction at its definition.  

The key is to surround yourself with people who are caring and kind, no matter what their gender.

I agree. I have dealt with my share fair of ****ty men but also know a lot of men who have had their fair share of ****ty woman. Being a good or bad partner is not based on gender.

My fiancee, OMG I can gush over him for hours. The sweetest most wonderful compassionate fantabulous man I have ever known. Not a bad bone in his body. I am grateful everyday for the day we met, grateful for the fact that despite having a  lot of resistance about a relationship, I gave it a chance, he was too good to pass up. Corny as it sounds the song Halo by Beyonce reminds me of me at the beginning of our relationship. Anyway he can not be the only man in the world like this and whenever I hear male bashing I feel defensive bc it certainly does not apply to the man in my life.

He sounds wonderful. Congrats. And hope you 2 have a long and happy marriage!!!

I really do appreciate your kind words directed toward me. Thank you!   However, I am concerned that you feel men need women to "fix" them and "control" them, i.e. STEERING

As they say in 12 step support groups, we need to keep the focus on ourselves (instead of focusing on fixing or blaming others).  If someone gravitates toward someone who needs the help of a woman, that says more about the type of men the woman chooses instead of a statement about the man.  We should enter relationships as two whole people and not with the mindset relationships will make us whole, or that either will change for another.  If we have to change for another, we will grow resentful.  The results will not be lasting.  We should only change for ourselves and never for another. 

Sincerely,

Hi: These words have helped me everyday of my life, just wanted to share them with you.

Matthew 11:28-30 (KJV)

 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Godspeed.

 Wendy I am so sorry that you have been through so much pain in your life.  Please know that your not the first and not the last to go through difficult times.  I have no doubt you have a loving and caring heart, it has just suffered some damage.  Remember through pressure coal is made into a diamond.  Hang in there... there are a lot of good people on here who care about you!!!

First of all, please do not think you cause your fiancee's anger issues. You posted the other day you took a break from him bc of the anger issues, so baving been in not 1 but 3 emotionally and sometimes physically abusive relationships I think I can predict what happened.

Since you posted to us about the break, he has probably tried relentlessly to talk to you, you guys had a long talk where in your vulnerable state he was able to convince you that you cause his anger issues. Trust me, unless their is a new onset mental health diagnosis, we don't as adults suddenly develop anger issues if we have appropriate coping skills.

Find a good counselor, you need a good fit. I have been in therapy now for 6 yrs, it has helped me a great deal. My self esteem is way better, I have been able to identify what led me into the ath of abusive people 3 separate times and why I stayed and tolerated it.

 

Please check this out, it may provide some insight:
www.domesticviolence.org/violence-wheel

Thank you  so much for that link !  what  fascinating information  !

I met my first abuser when I was 15, was with him until I was 20. I had to actually hide out in a domestic violence shelter to ensure my safety. Part of the DV shelter was counseling, individual and group. I remember the first group counseling they passed that wheel around and I read it in amazement and it definitely provided some clarity, that yes, I had been in an abusive relationship. It helped me, even if it doesn't help the OP, I hope it helps someone.