I Wish I Never Had Wls

Nicci hit right on the nose .

I am surprised with all my stress's i have,,I have not regained all my weight back like i hear happens when people go through stress,i made it to my original goal but now want to lose 20 more lbs..... I am just bringing up **** in my life that make me wish i never had wls. it added stress stress  stress, too much of it...to my life..

Hugs to you Nicci..
My wl surgeon never required me to have therapy before enduring wls, just had to get all the needed tests make sure i was ok to go through with it safely..it was 2 yrs after my open heart surgery i had wls..i think i needed more time and lots and lots of therapy. I started researching wls within 30 days after open heart surgery.. not searching the right kind of therapy for my anxiety..i have seen people on talk shows that had wls that regret it because of added stress  for the rest of their life..thats what i would recommend to everyone conteplating wls, at least 1 or 2yr of it ..not just friends opinions and pcp opinions, but real therapy..i remember trying hypnosis to try and lose weight just before wls, which never worked for me..

Wendy I think you are an amazing , beautiful person !   

Unfortunately many men are looking for a " Mommy "  and keep the incessant and unrelenting demands up  until we are going out of our minds , 

The real question is what do YOU  think you deserve ?   Sometimes you just have to say STOP  appreciate me and treat me well .. sometimes you're better off finding someone else  ....'


You deserve  someone who appreciates you in spite of your health issues ( and cheerfully helps U  through  those issues when difficulties crop up )  , who supports you and loves you unconditionally  and who sees and values your uniqueness and appreciates the  special qualities only YOU  can bring to the table .  Never forget how wonderful  you are !


  Huge hug !

Nothing anyone can say is going to make you feel better, I get how bad you feel that part is obvious and being with someone who you love but you feel like it isn't working is hard.  Wanting to live or not is a choice, you are the only one who can control how YOU feel.  Believe me I deal with an anxiety disorder that is so bad that I can't even imagine how I can make it through even one more day at times.  But it passes or something good happens, or somehow I cope.  It really is one day at a time.  That is the truth of it.  I have different hobbies then my boyfreind, I love photography and I do it alone.  Thats fine, its not fun to have someone go along and do something they can't stand just to be with you.  You have to find a way to do things to make you happy.  Not all men expect you to cook or clean, I don't do either and haven't in 10 years except when I feel like it. 

Good Luck!

 I see two specific issues here:

1)  The relative happiness of the people around you who are eating things that you can't.   I can understand that.  Food is an amazing thing.  Much of our culture and happiness surrounds the enjoyment of food.  When you are eating a lean hamburger patty while your friends are eating french fries, it's easy to feel deprived--especially when they are enjoying it so much.  

2)  The relationship issues.  Trust me, you are not causing your partner's anger issues.  And if he can't accept your very reasonable limitations after 9 heart surgeries, he probably doesn't deserve your enthusiastic participation in his active pursuits.  I understand that you don't want to leave him, but honestly?  I think that you need to examine that more seriously, because this relationship is tearing you apart.  I'm glad you have an appointment with your therapist.  I understand that it's hard to see your next relationship when you are miserable in the one you are in, but there are plenty of men who will accept a woman with the limitations you describe.  

I'm not going to speak to your statement that you wish you never had weight loss surgery, except to say that your heart condition really left you no choice, and choosing life is a powerful affirmation of grace.  It's really up to you to make the most of it now.  

I can understand where your comeing from...I suffer from depression, anxitiy, and I extremely over weight.  I have started the journey to wls. My daughter just had hers and I'm seeing what I can/will go thru.

I don't want to upset you any more then you all ready are but have you thought about going to see a counsler? I see one for my depression an I talk to her about my weight and my plans for the furture. It makes me feel alot better, and I don't get judged for my feelings.

Sometimes family isn't the best choice to talk to.  Sometimes maybe talk to a trusted friend.

Keep you head up,

Angie

 


WLS helps you with your weight - doesn't cure the ******** around you, nor does it fix your head.

your guy is an asshole. No, I don't know him, I've never met him, but anyone who makes you believe YOU are responsible for his behaviour is an asshole.  There is only ONE thing in this life we can control and that is our own responses. And people who are suffering from PTSD or other mental stresses may not even control that.

my DH knows I have health issues - I do what I can, he does what he can, and if there's anything left we compromise, hire someone or trade favours with friends. He's not the only decent human being with a penis in the world. 

good qualities or not, why are you busting your butt to do things you dislike for him? What does he do for you that he dislikes?

 and I'm not going to apologize for my harsh tone - if I didn't give a damn about what you're doing to yourself and what's been done to you I would have kept quiet or typed some platitudes to be polite.

YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN YOU'RE LETTING YOURSELF HAVE.  

Wendy I've been there done that more times than I care to count. When I finally realized I have to love MYSELF first before anyone can love me the way I deserve to be loved I experienced my "aha" moment. With a lot of therapy I learned to love myself... an amazing man followed. For the first time in my life I felt like I was with a man because I wanted to not because I needed to.

I'll send prayers that you can find the Peace you offered all *****ad your post.  Hang in there.

You have gotten a lot of good advice here. I hope you take some of it to heart. I understand that you do not have support groups where you are. Just drive to the nearest ones. I drove 3 1/2 hours to go to one this week. Also you seem to be blaming things on your WLS, but yet I really didn't see where you gave an example of how WLS has caused this depression? It seems to me that you are not placing he blame where it should be. You have a man that treats you like ****! People can only treat you the way you allow them to treat you. Do NOT allow this to continue. It will only get worse if you do not put a stop to it now. He obviously has NO respect for you. Have some respect for yourself and get rid of him. Then start working on your issues. If you are not comfortable with the councelor you have........find another one. If you still have problems with a new councelor, maybe you need meds adjusted? Maybe some temporary in-patient care. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself!

Hugs!

Men are  ( please  forgive me Chris  .. you are an unusually sensitive and thoughtful and caring  ( and hott  )example  of manhood .....) are ( in my experience )  for the most part  OBLIVIOUS  and  kinda selfish .

Sometimes all it takes for them to change is a woman they love and respect saying THIS  BEHAVIOR  IS UNACCEPTABLE .  Instead .. THIS  is  how I want us to relate t o each other .

I believe men NEED  a woman to take the  reins in a relationship and drive them ( and the relationship )  in the direction she wants  them ( and it ) to go. 

You have a lot more power than you think , sweetheart .  Just do ( and insist upon) what feels  right , if he doesn't go along thats Ur cue that he  may not love U as much as U need and deserve  ...

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