Only just the start...let's get real.
OHHHH man did i need to read this post. THANK YOU for putting my thoughts down on paper. Although i am NOT so many years out, I have started to approach that maintenence phase. I have lost 275+ pounds and so I know people are watching me. Some supportive and waiting to see how it goes. Others betting on when i will fall on my face. lol. I feel like i shouldnt admit, hey, i had some chocolate the other day because i wanted it. That's not being perfect and what would people think? Then i remember...i am NOT perfect and no amount of surgery will make me that way. The truth about that chocolate is that I CHOSE to use it as a way of coping with uncomfortable feelings that day. The truth about that is, if I continue to make that choice every time i feel uncomfortable, I will gain weight. The truth NOW is that i KNOW i am engaging in that behavior and I KNOW i have other options for coping. SWEET! But sometimes I still feel like if i say, hey i engaged in self defeating behavior i will be seen as a failure. I blog on here because it helps get those feelings out of my head. If you want to hear about sunshine and flowers and how everything is great and easy, dont read my blog. lol. I tend to write about the really cool things i notice or participate in sure. But i also write about what got me to my highest weight. And that was my head. My inability to deal effectively with life. Hearing someone else say, hey me too! was like a soothing balm. The truth does heal and it does set you free. I am out living my life. It is absolutely fabulous. However, i am not perfect. I do "struggle" at times. And its not to not be seen as a failure by those who have been where i am just because of that.
as for your suggestions on threads...thats what i have been searching for too! and just for the record, i DID absolutely scream and dance around the changing room like an idiot when the size 16 jeans went on without a problem! and then i did have to explain to the sales girl that yes i was alright, no, no one attacked me, and YES i want the jeans. lol. Hey, i was a 7-8x when i started. my size 16 ROCKED MY FACE OFF! just saying.
I still see a fat person in the mirror. I dont know if that will ever change for me. I would love to remove the POUNDS of excess flesh from my tummy but the truth is that i am a single mom of two kids. I have come to terms with the fact that it may never happen. BUT i also fully entirely and 100% subscribe to the statement: I can live with the excess skin but the weight was killing me. Do i feel sexy with the clothes off? NOPE! but i can rock an outfit these days. Most times i am really okay with that! lol
cant wait to read the new threads. I am a success. I am a success because i SHOWED UP for my life. I am present. I choose to go forward, through mess and mayhem, through calm and sunny, through MY life, defined in MY way. This was the kick in the ass i needed. Thanks for that!!
as for your suggestions on threads...thats what i have been searching for too! and just for the record, i DID absolutely scream and dance around the changing room like an idiot when the size 16 jeans went on without a problem! and then i did have to explain to the sales girl that yes i was alright, no, no one attacked me, and YES i want the jeans. lol. Hey, i was a 7-8x when i started. my size 16 ROCKED MY FACE OFF! just saying.
I still see a fat person in the mirror. I dont know if that will ever change for me. I would love to remove the POUNDS of excess flesh from my tummy but the truth is that i am a single mom of two kids. I have come to terms with the fact that it may never happen. BUT i also fully entirely and 100% subscribe to the statement: I can live with the excess skin but the weight was killing me. Do i feel sexy with the clothes off? NOPE! but i can rock an outfit these days. Most times i am really okay with that! lol
cant wait to read the new threads. I am a success. I am a success because i SHOWED UP for my life. I am present. I choose to go forward, through mess and mayhem, through calm and sunny, through MY life, defined in MY way. This was the kick in the ass i needed. Thanks for that!!
Thanks SO much for your post! TWO years out is TWO years out! That is a LOAD of experience that others will be desperate for!
I love the whole bit about the chocolate! LOL! Isn't it total scandal?!! See though?! Thing is we are WRITING history. Twenty years from now people will be learning from what we are sharing here. Someone will be seeing this stuff and saying "Oh-OK! SO I ate chocolate. Right. OH that doesn't mean I failed? It doesn't mean I should just give up all of it-through myself down and gain all my weight back"??? YAY!!! We are OK!!! Human. Eat the chocolate. Find out what the ordeal about it is. Some will each chocolate and be fine. Others will eat it knowing it was a response to something else. Correct the course-and move forward. Hey-this is starting to seem A LOT like LIFE! LOL!
I really enjoy your post and can see you have your own flair for kick-ass writing. So I would hope to see MORE from you!! LOL!
Peace and hugs,
T
I love the whole bit about the chocolate! LOL! Isn't it total scandal?!! See though?! Thing is we are WRITING history. Twenty years from now people will be learning from what we are sharing here. Someone will be seeing this stuff and saying "Oh-OK! SO I ate chocolate. Right. OH that doesn't mean I failed? It doesn't mean I should just give up all of it-through myself down and gain all my weight back"??? YAY!!! We are OK!!! Human. Eat the chocolate. Find out what the ordeal about it is. Some will each chocolate and be fine. Others will eat it knowing it was a response to something else. Correct the course-and move forward. Hey-this is starting to seem A LOT like LIFE! LOL!
I really enjoy your post and can see you have your own flair for kick-ass writing. So I would hope to see MORE from you!! LOL!
Peace and hugs,
T
I struggle with using the word "struggle" to define my experience. To me, struggle implies hardship, fighting, and a tremendous amount of work. Most days are not like that; not at all. I struggled more in the immediate post op period; I struggled to learn the boundaries of my new anatomy; I struggled to find ways to cope with my emotions without using food to dampen them.
Today, over 10 years post op, most days I do not struggle. I have the knowledge I need, based on years of trial and error, to make a success of my weight loss surgery. Some days I choose to put that knowledge to work (and it's really not that hard to do); other days I do not. The problem I have is figuring out WHY I chose not to utilize that knowledge every day!! Why did I decide to "take off" the entire second half of last year?
Some days I forget I had WLS. Some days I forget what if felt like to be fat. THOSE are the days I try to avoid, by coming to OH and other health/fitness websites, because it is when I FORGET that I allow myself to not put my knowledge to work.....and then I find myself struggling!
Today, over 10 years post op, most days I do not struggle. I have the knowledge I need, based on years of trial and error, to make a success of my weight loss surgery. Some days I choose to put that knowledge to work (and it's really not that hard to do); other days I do not. The problem I have is figuring out WHY I chose not to utilize that knowledge every day!! Why did I decide to "take off" the entire second half of last year?
Some days I forget I had WLS. Some days I forget what if felt like to be fat. THOSE are the days I try to avoid, by coming to OH and other health/fitness websites, because it is when I FORGET that I allow myself to not put my knowledge to work.....and then I find myself struggling!
Marilyn (now in NM)
RNY 10/2/01
262(HW)/150-155(GW)/159(CW)
(updated March 2012)
Hi Marilyn!
Exactly-regarding the WHY we make the choices we do. I think this is the key in our further learning. It's not that we did or did not do a/b or c. It's asking "Hmm..why did you just do that?" There is still SO much more to learn.
Love what you said about putting knowledge to work. Exactly. I think it's a muscle I need to remember to FLEX!!
Thanks for the post!
Peace,
T
Exactly-regarding the WHY we make the choices we do. I think this is the key in our further learning. It's not that we did or did not do a/b or c. It's asking "Hmm..why did you just do that?" There is still SO much more to learn.
Love what you said about putting knowledge to work. Exactly. I think it's a muscle I need to remember to FLEX!!
Thanks for the post!
Peace,
T
I love this... *presses the like button*
I am 16 months post op I haven't reached my goal yet (I need to lose like 30 more pounds) I hear OMG you don't need to loose anymore but I feel I do.
I look in the mirror and still see the fat girl. I have the weirdest rituals such as when I shop, I try on the large sizes first then i go down to the right size SMH. I always cook way to much food and its just me and my son so it goes to waste. Every morning I buy a small cup of Micky D Carmel mocha (hot) and drink two sips SMH. I admit I am really strange now but I guess I was stranger when I was big.
I know I will struggle with food for a while during this process but I had no idea that I would also struggle with my body. I am smaller but I hate the sagging arms and breast. I seem more self conscience about that than i was about my back fat SMH.
Thank you for reminding us that we still need the support of our peers even post op!
Bravo!!
I am 16 months post op I haven't reached my goal yet (I need to lose like 30 more pounds) I hear OMG you don't need to loose anymore but I feel I do.
I look in the mirror and still see the fat girl. I have the weirdest rituals such as when I shop, I try on the large sizes first then i go down to the right size SMH. I always cook way to much food and its just me and my son so it goes to waste. Every morning I buy a small cup of Micky D Carmel mocha (hot) and drink two sips SMH. I admit I am really strange now but I guess I was stranger when I was big.
I know I will struggle with food for a while during this process but I had no idea that I would also struggle with my body. I am smaller but I hate the sagging arms and breast. I seem more self conscience about that than i was about my back fat SMH.
Thank you for reminding us that we still need the support of our peers even post op!
Bravo!! 
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