Only just the start...let's get real.

Long Term Post Op WLS

                                            I can picture it. See if you can relate.

 

You navigate to your WLS forum. You see a post “X amount of years post op"-you fumble your little fingers as fast as they can go to the page with hope in your heart and teeth on fingernails. Please...please...PLEASE let it be GOOD NEWS!!!!!

Your eyes scan the page quickly. You are looking for words like success, easy, fast, long-term-success. But then, you see it.

Dear all at the forum,

I am x years out and I am really struggling.

Your heart sinks. Your mind starts to analyze. Maybe a few thoughts like:

*Did it wrong

*Failed

*Lost cause

*Won’t happen to me

*Scared it will happen to me

*Bad surgery choice

 *Probably just not a bright person

 

But, wait just a moment. The word is struggling. What’s wrong with this picture? Oh! I know!! The problem with this picture is that someone is struggling!!

 

Right?

Wrong.

 

But struggling means:

*You are doing it wrong

*You failed

*You are a lost cause

 

Right?

Wrong again, gorgeous.

 

The problem is not that the word struggling is included. The problem is that some of us (read that as MANY OF US) have been inadvertently programmed to look at our surgery and weight loss progress as win/lose, or …Losing IS winning. Struggling? OMG-you broke your surgery!

Admit it. If you don’t want to, I will-LOL! I will admit that for a very long time I scanned those posts and moved right along. You’ve heard it before. Where long term folks are concerned-if they are online posting it must be because they are not “out there living their new fabulous lives!" And I know you’ve heard “the only others that come here to share are the ones that are failing and need to complain or vent", unless of course it’s for the rare surgiversary post.

I don’t know about you, but it seems to me there is some sort of black hole between  “Make room on the loser’s bench, OMG-I am tired and my hair is falling out, YAY I am finally in a size 10, Wow-I am finally maintaining!" and being several years post op. It’s almost like when we see someone over 4 or 5 years post op-we look into their post like we look into the cages at the zoo with a bit of wonder and fascination and with a bit of fear too

It has taken me all this time to really formulate what I wanted to say about it. Not to mention my own mind wasn’t clear on what I thought about all this!

We may be in danger. We may be in danger because we bought some ideas/ideals that may not be even close to reality. No, I KNOW they are not close to reality.

When we went through all our classes we mostly focused on the short term stuff. And hey, why wouldn’t we focus on the short term stuff? Oh, there were some long term classes and most centers who were worth their weight (haha) did inform us there “may be some bounce-back weight and maybe some problems with making sure we kept our supplementation up".  I want to say this is absolutely fine! We went to the classes with our earnest hopeful hearts and were more than willing to follow the rules set forth. All of this is totally fine and good!

The real problem, or if you want to be super corporate “area for improvement" is that there is precious little for LONG TERM post op folks! “NO there isn’t you bone head! There are tons of forums and loads of food plans and support groups for you!" Oh, thanks for pointing that out. I KNOW!! What’s my problem then? What’s missing? Glad you asked. I have a list:

What happens when you realize you have become addicted to the thrill of the loss? Or, “Wow this is really dull now that I am starting to maintain".

This body is not my body. Or “What the heck? Everyone said I would feel like a sexy beast and I DON’T!! I feel like an alien"! At least I knew my old big body! I was the BEST big girl I could be. But now what?

What about this blood sugar stuff? Or, “OMG !! You have blood sugar issues? You are gonna have to have your pancreas taken out..plus probably a lung!"

Um…I don’t know how I feel about myself now. I spent an ENTIRE lifetime identifying to my universe as a VERY big person. Suddenly I have to see things differently!! (Freaky much?!) Do you have a ghost butt? I DO! I still make room for my nearly 400 lb backside! This is a real thing folks.

Surgery wars only last for so long and get Bor-ING! Eventually we are still left with the good old “NOW WHAT"? Distractions only go so far.

What about having done all the things we promised we would NEVER do!? Drinking, sugar, addictions, overeating, not exercising, isolating-and all the rest? Oh great-now we won’t be able to talk about it-because of the win/fail thing. Great. Just great.

I have more, but your eyes will glaze over.  

Weight loss surgery is still in its infancy and the only thing younger than that is POST OP life! Is it possible that we are using the wrong words? Is it possible we are using the right words but thinking about it in the wrong way?

It is NOT for anyone else but we post op folks to write how it is. WE will define what win/lose is. We will define what struggle means. MAYBE struggle means “I am alive and I am growing and changing". No one else can define it! Not the surgeons, not the shrinks, not anyone else but those of us who are walking it.

Yep, that’s it for me I think. I am done trying to see where I fit in-in all this. The truth is our Weight Loss surgery post op life is JUST starting now. WE say how it is. Not them. We write the history books. Or, we don’t and we remain silent and afraid to speak up.

So, how the heck have you been? How are you doing?? Now that we are in the REAL part of post op adult life-what are you learning? How are you feeling? How do you think about yourself? Have you figured your new body out yet?

Have you done all the things you said you were going to do? Have you questioned everything they told you in class?

Where is the GAB?!! LOL! I want to hear about what it’s like to fit into your clothes now. I want to hear what recipes are working for you. What’s working, what’s not working? Have you decided yes plastics or no plastics? Have you made peace with your body? Have you made peace with food and eating? There are A MILLION new threads that could be opened on all of these and more. Of course-the forums are for the new folks who are finding their way and coming for education and support. And-the forums are here for US too!!  

Well, I have not rambled on enough. I have to actually finish my work day! LOL! I just had to come and talk to you guys and see what’s new/old/what are you up to? I want to hear from the new folks too! See-those of us who have been around and keep it real-know without a doubt that we need you as much as you need us. We can ALL learn from each other.

Oh and me? I am a struggling success! I DO have a ghost butt and I don't recognize myself yet-even after all this time. This is just the beginning-don't you think?

 

Hugs,

Always Hope!

Peace,
T

 Where in the hell have you been?

This is great.

Thank you.

Signed, 

Struggling Success

Hey MM!

LOL, that tone made me homesick for my Mom! LOL! I've been in England-land starting life over. I thought it would be a bit easier. But no-it's actually a WHOLE new country! I undershot the runway and it has taken me time to really settle in.

So-not only was I adjusting to my new body/all the changes that go with that, I was also adjusting to marriage, new country and oh-so-much-more.

But-I feel like I can resurface and not get shattered at this point. WOOT!

I still try and read your stuff much as possible-cuz I like it and it helps.

Hope all is well!!
T

 Awesome post!!!! Well thought out and written ... I could relate to so many pieces...

And you are always such a steady and supportive force here (and I am sure everywhere you touch!)

Thanks as always!

Hugs,
T

Excellent post- thanks!

I'm only 19 months out, but I can sure say the day to day reality is harder than I was hoping it would be. But so far I'm managing. I'm sure hoping to avoid long term complications.

And- I love being at goal, I love feeling so much better, I have a much easier time living my life in general.

The payoff is way worth it so far!

Hi Anne,

I don't doubt you will have continued success. It's all about sharing and supporting and knowing you can go somewhere to someone and tell the truth about what you are going through. It's so very important!

Congrats on your success!!
T

I hear you, sister! Thank you so much for this much needed post! I too have that nasty ghost butt and belly and boobs! I still have not "made peace with food." I have lots of fears and insecurities about this new life as a thinner person, but I am a success-definitely a struggling success, but a success nonetheless!

Hi Kristi,

You are looking fabulous!! It DOES feel good to be able to just be real about this stuff. Struggling Success-I am loving it more and more! LOL!

We ALL have lots of fear and insecurities-because we are human and because we were ALL once morbidly obese. Hey-it's probably the most natural thing given where we all come from!

Thanks for your post!
T

 It's the "struggling" posts I look for - or posts like Margo's from the other day that say "here's what happens during maintenance". 

Im new to this. I haven't even seen my GP yet, let alone a surgeon. VSG (my choice) is new, there are limited long term studies compared to RNY.  So I want to see those 1,2,5 yrs out stories!

I want to know about the downsides, the mirror-not-matching-the-brain. The "I look great in clothes but not naked" stories. The "my fat insulated me from x,y,z" stories.

There are some incredibly inspiring before & after photos here that sweep away caution and restraint...but I want to be realistic and for that we need more of this.