Toxicity (Off Topic)

I had a therapy appointment last night with my psychologist. We spent part of the session talking about my new found interest in the elliptical and spin class (I'm having fun, which I never expected at ALL)). However, the majority of the sesion we discussed my family. Specifically my toxic relationship with my mother, which spills over into my relationships with my brothers (they're like mini extensions of her).

There's nothing healthy about the relationships. Nothing. If it weren't for the mere fact blood is involved in some small way...there wouldn't be a connection. I had a relationship several years ago that was just as toxic and I cut it off. It was hard, but I stuck to my guns and in the end came out all the better for it.

Anyways, she asked me to just think about it. Eliminiating the toxicity, especially where my mom is concerned. She feels that she's the root of a the problems I've had over the years of my life, maybe it's time for that root to be nipped.

More like hacked. It's about as big as a Redwood.

I wonder what life would be like without that cloud lingering over me all the time.  I have a lot to think about, my well-being on the top of the list.  

You do have a lot to think about.

My parents were both highly toxic, but I chose to stick around, grow a rhino hide, practice my assertiveness skills, and learn to stand up for myself, and to deal. I am grateful I did, because I learned a lot, and was at peace with each of my parents when they died.

I did have long separations from each of them from time to time, but I'm not sure cut-offs are necessarily the way to go.

I think that what you do depends on your particular situation and relationships. Sometimes cut-offs are entirely appropriate. But the cloud over your head is internal as well as external, and I hope your therapist will work with you on that.

I wish you courage with your choice!

Some 20 years ago I had a therapist just flat out tell me to quit with my mother.  I took her advice and it was one of the best thing I ever did.  No more walking on egg shells for fear of saying the wrong thing, no more nasty comments to me and about me, etc.

Now I can be around her and she acts well toward me.  It just had to be done.

Me, too. Sometimes it's the best thing one can do.

It's kind of like when a kid puts his hand on a stove and he learns about getting burnt.  That's an easy lesson to learn because the pain is associated to something immediate so its easy to react.  It's more difficult when the pain is not so immediate because you have an ability to accomodate it.

It seems to me the options are either remove your hand from the burner or learn to ignore the warmth. The second option still leaves you open to getting burned and if you chose that option you also have to ask why you need the warmth.

I come from a background of alcoholism (both parents), physical, emotional and sexual abuse, so can speak to you a little about the effects of cutting ties.

I have cut ties with two of my sisters as a result of needing to eliminate their chaos in my life, and it has been very difficult, yet also very freeing.

There is seldom a day that goes by when I don't, to so some degree, mourn the relationship I wish I could have had with my sisters, but I still feel that my emotional well-being has benefited so much more with them gone.

When we make the decision to embark upon a healthier life, that oftentimes means setting aside those things that are of no benefit to us and, sadly, that oftentimes means setting people aside who are harmful to our emotional and psychological well-being.

For me, I am not sorry, though I am saddened. For instance, I just found out my niece is getting married and everyone in the family has been invited to the wedding, except me. Painful because I have maintained relationships with my nieces, but I also have to acknowledge the position she would be in with her family if I were to be invited...

The decision you are facing is a difficult one, and I would not wish to influence you one way or another, with the exception of encouraging you to think long and soulfully about what actually is in your best interest, emotionally and psychologically.

Prays are being sent to help guide you...