Controlling or Opinion?

I give my little talk to family and friends about how i want ot lose another 20 lbs. they say No! No! No!  you'll be too skinny. Is that what i should do... listen to them or take care of my own wants? when they respond that way (exact words) I feel like they are trying to control me. Could it be just me?..Maybe they are stating their Opinion.. they don't state that at the time it is only their opinion. they actually sound  bossy..as in "Controlling"...So is it controlling or is it Opinion? thanks Wendy

Its none of their business if you are healthy. Unless your bmi is underweight, do what you want.

There is a point when we may become "too skinny". A healthy woman needs some body fat %, if not for anything else - but to keep her hormones steady and her brain working. 

Are you to fat? or OK? what is your body fat %?  Do you know if you have any - too much fat that you may need to lose to get more healthy.

The weight or the size are not enough. Body fat % - is what you may need to find out before you decide to get on a diet to lose 20 more lbs.  i.e. Heathy woman shall not have less than 20% body fat.  So if you weigh 150 lbs and your body fat % is 20% - that means that you have 30lbs of fat, and 120 lbs lean body mass. If you try to lose 20 lbs - you will end up losing mostly muscles, since the body is determined to reserve the fat.  You may become extremely weak, and sick, and so many other things...

Anorexia is real. Body dismorphia - is real - when we see ourselves fat while in fact we are either "normal" or even skinny. 

At one point I was too skinny for my bones and my muscles. And I still felt that I needed to lose weight.  Lots of counseling, and healthy diet helped me. Now - I gain back some weight, and I am much happier and I think I look better that the 15 lbs ago.   

where is that BMI chart? I think i am at 22% right now, last time i checked about 2 yrs ago

22% is normal and it may be really healthy for you.  Too low - specially if your were MO at one time... may be too low. And since you discussed that with your kids - you opened yourself to their opinions.   Considering your heart historey - pleas emake sure you talk with your doc about the new die and weight loss before you start any attempts.  And really listen to him/her.

I guess I wonder why you feel a need to 'give your little talk' to anyone about your personal weight loss goals.

I would question the motivation -- are you really wanting them to tell you you are just too skinny -- or will be -- do you need that type of reinforcement ---- do you really want to be told what to do --- so you can do it or so you can rebel?

what you weigh is really between you, your scale and your physician -----

I don't think it is a matter of opinion or control -- it should really be a non-issue

Controlling......hell no

You started a conversation and they offered thier opinion.

If they tie you up and force feed you, then it's controlling.

Hi HuskergalWsd - I read your story and looked at your pics and Im happy to see you are doing well with your weight loss and co-morbidities! I am trying to decide between surgeries and encouraged by your posts. I'll give you my input and then I wanted to ask you a couple of questions...

My suggestion on losing 20lbs is A. As long as its healthy but also B. Make sure you arent "obsessing" about a magic number despite whether or not its healthy for your frame....without recent pics or stats its hard to answer specifically.

My stepmom lost about 40lbs once and she really did get too skinny to the point her face reminded me of a skeleton. It took about 2 years at that weight for her to finally let go of this magic number she wanted to weigh (she struggled daily to keep it there in spite of family members expressing concern). When she finally quit obsessing, she put on about 15lbs and finally, she looked pretty and healthy again. When I asked her about it years later she said she finally saw what people were saying when she looked at some pictures of herself and that it was just a number she had in her head as her goal and that once she got to that weight, she assumed everyone else was just telling her she was too thin out of jealousy (she has 4 sisters, 2 of which are overweight, an overweight daughter and me....the obese step daughter).

I dont think loved ones want to control you as much as sometimes they fear that your body image might be askew. If my sister who is the ideal weight for her size, fit and healthy came to me and said she wanted to lose 20lbs I would think she has body dismorphia issues for sure. Sometimes we arent as objective when it comes to our own bodies but in the end, its still your choice and youre the one that has to live with the decision you make, just please make it for the right reasons.

Ok so heres what I wanted to ask you....
1. After having the DS, knowing you have heart problems and knowing youre into self-help and homeopathic med I was wondering if youve had any experience with the McDougall eating plan/ RAVE diet or any of the "reversing heart disease"/vegan diets and how the food was tolerated with your DS. I think thats the path I want to take after WLS for my heart health (I have CHF and 1 stent now at age 43), but I see so many post-surgery people say they dont do well eating starch based diets and high veggies vs. animal fats and dense protiens.

2. If you have ever been on one of these vegan type plans, how did you calculate the protein? In other words did you find that you had to consume more protein since your proteins didnt come from dense proteins? Does that make sense?

I just figure that immediately following WLS would be the best time for me to "go vegan" since Im retraining myself anyway and hopefully I will have a better chance of success over the long term

Any input would be greatly appreciated.

What was the point of the little talk, did you ask their opinion?  Did you really think they would not offer it?  I am sure if they think you are too thin and look unhealthy if you tell them you want to lose weight they are gonna speak up.  Ultimately it is your decision what you weigh, but by giving your family and friends the talk you gave them the opportunity to speak before you had the opportunity to act.  I don't announce my plans to lose weight, I just start cutting back and removing items from my diet I think will help, I lose slowly and honestly the 5-10lbs I lose that make me so proud no one really even notices, but I do.  I don't bring anyone into my weight anymore, I know they are all completely sick and tired of the wls case study, so I don't say a word, it does get boring after awhile even to me.  The only people who can understand or relate are on this board.

right now it is in my 'head' I think i am developing an eating disorder., i keep wanting to lose more and more weight.the idea stays in my head ... I finally hit my goal,  have passed that also..pre op i said i wanted to get back into my old clothes  ( have kept them over 20 years) all my life have had a hard time finding clothes for tall women I am 6'0...i wore before having babies, i wore bikini's.. now with all my health issues i keep thinking getting thinner will help my health issues. currently having a hard time swallowing.  cervical cancer too..I never thought i would be getting that type of feedback from my kids with 12 yrs parenting therapy behind me and my kids we talk supportively to one another. I was rather stunned at everyones responce...your right , i will keep this between me and my doctor