Part One of a Three Part Question. (Read this first.)

I wouldn't want him to get saddled with a felony for the rest of his life, but by no means should he get off scott free.  The poster that said that the male brain doesn't mature until the mid twenties...well 25 is the mid-twenties.

If he keeps getting out of trouble due to his  being a " good kid with no record", he will never learn responsibilty. And if he feels no responsibility, who's to say how he will end up. What if he drinks and drives because he "got away with it before."

He needs to have his wages garnished since he caused you expenses that you did not have previous to the accident he caused.

Accidents happen and that's understandable. But he fled the scene,  and that's wrong.
 
Hold the MAN accountable for his actions. You're lucky he only destroyed a car - what if he had left someone at the scene injured or dead?

I would not drop the charges, and will mention to the court the call from the public defender.

I would not drop the charges for a much younger person either; if they are old enough to have a drivers license, they better know what are they doing, and if they don't, they will have to own their stupid actions and face the consequences.

Best for you.

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Many years ago I wa**** by an ambulance driver, who smashed my subaru into a 76 Nova, totalling both cars.  I was in PT for a year, and continued to have problems for many years, some of which didn't show up for months or longer after the accident.  The charges against him were dropped by a sympathetic judge because it would ruin his livelihood, which was driving your granma to her Dr appointments.  I wish I had done more, said more, I was sitting at a light fully stopped when this idiot plowed into me in an ambulance, he deserved to lose his job, and I've regretted not throwing a fit in the court room ever since.  Don't let this person off lightly.

No way in hell. My son is 25 and he would NEVER drive away. He is fully capable of making decisions.

I say continue to pursue it, and let the insurance company go after him as well.