I dare you

LMFAO!!!    I haven't laughed this hard in a while!!! :D  TY!!!

 An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes. The first passenger, Sarah Palin said, "I have my own reality show and I am the smartest woman in American history, so America ’s people don’t want me to die." She took the first pack and jumped out of the plane. The second passenger, John McCain, said, “I’m a Senator, and a decorated war hero from an elite Na.........vy unit from the United States of America ". So he grabbed the second pack and jumped.. The third passenger, Barack Obama said, "I am the President of the United States and I am the smartest ever in the history of our country, some even call me the Anointed One." So he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped out. The fourth passenger, Billy Graham said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-ol d schoolgirl, “I have lived a full life, and served my God the best I could. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute." The little girl said, “That’s okay Dr. Graham. There’s a parachute left for you. America’s smartest President took my schoolbag."

 A man and a woman were sitting next to each other in an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, and visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds. This went on over and over. Finally the man asked " Are you ok?"  The woman replied "I am sorry I have a medical condition... whenever I sneeze I have an ******"  The man asked, "Are you taking anything for it?"  The woman nodded  "Pepper"

Ok here's one for ya!

OMG!....I was in in the public restroom -
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice in the other stall: "Hi, how are you?"
Me: (embarrassed), "Doin' fine!"
Stall: "So what are you up to?"
Me: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just sitting here."
Stall: "Can I come over?"
Me: (attitude) "No, I'm a little busy right now!!"
Stall: "Listen, I'll have to call you back.
There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!

a wife tells her husband her car is making funny noises and he responds by saying now do I look like Mr goodwrench?  Next day she tells him the washer is not working he responds by saying do I look like Mr Maytag?  Following day she tells him she had the washer and the car fixed and he looked at her and said how did you manage that?  She said well I met this guy and told him while I was checking out in the supermarket what was going on and he followed me home and fixed both things.  He said and what did you do for him and she sweetly said well he said I could either bake him a cake or give him a *******  He said and what did you do?  Her response .....(you're goona love this ladies) she said to him and who do you think I am Betty ******g Crocker?  

4 Most important animals in a girl's life
1) A tiger in her bed
2) A mink on her back
3) A jaguar in her garage
4) A jackass to pay for it all
That was told on the Merv Griffin show by none other than Danny Thomas.

Thanks EVERYONE *****sponded.  This is great! 

Snow White's Seven OH Dwarfs:

  Comforting/Helping Dwarf

  Losing Weight Dwarf


  Moody Dwarf

Eating the Wrong Stuff Dwarf

 Deleted Thread Dwarf

  Keep It Going Dwarf

  I Don't Like What You Said Dwarf


I have been all of them from time to time...