I dare you

  Don't we all wish it was that easy!

Random Trivia: Paul Mitchell has a line of hair products called Super Skinny. 

 okay that actually made me giggle.

 Funny!

 

 Gina, I love that one!

Okay, here's my favorite joke:

A sadist and a masochist get married. On their wedding night the masochist moans "Oh, beat me! Beat me!"

And the sadist says "No."

Priceless!

HOW TO START A FIGHT
  

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked me why, I replied,

"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....

_______________________________ 

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while

we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

'No,' she answered. I then said,

'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...

______________________________ 

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school

reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his

drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"

"Yes", she sighed,

"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking

right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he

hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on

celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started...

______________________________ 

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting

to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had

something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,

making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she

thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall

grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing

scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into

the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again

I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the

grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

______________________________ 

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, "What's on TV?"

I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...

_______________________________ 

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my

lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the

boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential

downpour. The wind was blowing 50mph, so I pulled back into the

garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather

would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back

into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different

anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is

terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my

stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

_______________________________ 

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming

anniversary.

She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in

about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started......

_____________________________ 

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,

"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you

to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started........

Men's Age, as Determined by a Trip to Home Depot

You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house. . .. . Mowing the lawn, putting in a new fence, painting the living room or whatever.   You are hot and sweaty, covered in dust, lawn clippings, dirt or paint.  You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit -- shorts with the hole in the crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who-knows-what and an old pair of tennis shoes.
 
Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Home Depot to get something to help complete the job.
 
Depending on your age you might do the following: 
 

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In your 20's:

Stop what you are doing.  Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss and put on clean clothes.  Check yourself in the mirror and flex.  Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane.  And you went to school with the pretty girl running the register..
 
 

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In your 30's:
 
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt.  Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else.  Wash your hands and comb your hair.  Check yourself in the mirror.  Still got it.  Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell.  The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.
 

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In your 40's:
 
Stop what you are doing.  Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts.  Put on different shoes and a hat.  Wash your hands.  Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing.  The hot young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.
 

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In your  50's:
 
Stop what you are doing.  Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt.  Change shoes because you don't want to get dog doo-doo in your new sports car.  Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat.  The Cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from Bubba's Bait & Beer Bar and it says,

'I Got Worms .'
 

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In your 60's:
 
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore.. Hose the dog doo-doo off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's.  You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants.  The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.
             

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In your 70's:
 
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until the drug store has your prescriptions ready, too.  Don't even notice the dog doo-doo on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.

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In your  80's:
 
Stop what you are doing.  Start again.  Then stop again.  Now you remember you need to go to Home Depot.  Go to Wal-Mart instead and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name. You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.

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In your 90's & beyond:
 
What's a home deep hoe?  Something for my garden?  Where am I?  Who am I?  Why am I reading this?  Did I send it?  Did you?  Who farted?