I don't want surgery???!? *long*

Oops, I didn't see this before I asked about sleep apnea, sorry.

Please get the DS and not the RNY so that you can continue to use NSAIDS. Sounds like you need to change programs anyway.

I had too much emotional turmoil to just get the surgery back when I should have.

I did come to the point that I logically knew I needed it, but had the extra obstacles like family not only being unsupportive, but adamantly against it. Not only that, but the surgery I needed (the DS) was unfamiliar to everyone in my circle (even my doctor).

I'd NEVER had surgery - of any type. Then, since I had to self pay, I added the stress of leaving the country for it (again, not much of a traveler, certainly not internationally) so this was just making it too intimidating.

What finally happened, I just sort of went into denial. I've never done that before, or since, but since I knew I needed surgery, and was only getting more freaked out, I just told myself, that "at any moment, any time in this journey, I can change my mind". I'll take some steps towards it today, and if I decide that's enough, then I'll stop.

That changed everything for me. I was able to take a step, then another, and know that I didn't have to continue if I didn't want to. It was just too frightening and overwhelming to decide to do it all, and head forward with that thinking. So I'd decide to line up my pre-op testing one day, and then tell myself again "I don't have to go beyond this if I don't want to". Then the next day I'd schedule a date with the surgeon, then if I didn't bail, I'd look at airfare next.

I honestly don't know how many times I stopped and asked myself "Do I still want to go forward?" but it was hundreds. The last time I asked myself, was as I was on the gurney, being prepped for surgery. I told myself that the only thing I'd really be out if I backed out was the airfare to get there, and even that wasn't a big deal, as I'd just take the surgery money, and have one hell of a vacation as long as I was there (I was in India). 

So, I'm so glad I had the surgery, but knowing it's a choice (even though I had to actually remind myself that constantly) is very freeing. 

*****ally wants to have WLS....seriously?? You don't see skinny people opting to have it. I am not being a smart ass. I just want you to understand my dear that you are NOT alone. I remember how excited I was to lose weight via WLS but I am still sad as hell that I had to do it. I was 26 years old when I had surgery - most 26 year olds are in Miami with a bikini on living life.

I see 2 things that need to happen: (1) a new surgeon capable of operating on high BMI patients. Seriously you are not that big that they couldn't put you to sleep for 90 minutes. (2) Stop sulking and start back on your diet.  Ok you have had fun eating now get back to work of getting healthier.

WLS is still very much an option - don't tell yourself you don't want something because you think you can't get it. I will not deny myself that I want a 2011 Acura TL with the TECH package because that $40,000 price tag says I can't get it right now.....lol

Stay on the boards and keep the faith. We have all been there.

thank you all so so much. you're right. I'm getting back on track and facing my future!!!!

Good for you! And after reading about your co-morbs, I too am going to suggest you find yourself a DS surgeon---severe arthritis without NSAIDs can be a MISERABLE experience. One big reason I chose the DS was because I knew I did NOT want to live without them. Even the two weeks prior to surgery when I HAD to do without them were a misery, and my biggest/most persistant post-op pain was from arthritis because I couldn't have the NSAIDs until I was one month post-DS. Losing weight has certainly HELPED the arthritis, but I still rely heavily on NSAIDs.

What size shoes are you wearing???? I think they are MINE. At 618 pounds the surgeon said I had to lose 50 pounds for surgery.....OK. At the pre-surgery visit he said that I had to get heart clearance...OK. Not that big a deal...right? Oops!!!! Heart doc tells me the heart tests I need, we could not find any hospital that could handle someone over 500 pounds...... That 50 pound lose is now up to 118 and surgery is canceled. 5/3/2009 was surgery date for my sister and me.....sis had the D/S that day !!!  She was 320 and now 165 or so.
Long story short...to late, right? I had the D/S surgery 12/21/2009 and weighed in the day of surgery at 470 pounds !!!!!!!!!!! That was a lose of 148 pound in about 8 months.
 I just saw my surgeon two weeks ago today and I now weigh.......298 !!!!!!!! 
Choose the BEST surgeon you can find.....check to see that he has done hundreds of the type of wls surgery you want. I do suggest the D/S...makes life easy.
"Weight lose surgery has added years to my life and life to my years !!"

YOU 

CAN DO THIS.....YOU WILL NOT REGRET DOING WHAT YOU KNOW IS RIGHT FOR YOU!!!!!

See you on the loser's bench....sooner than you think !!!!

I don't know what surgery you're considering, but DS can be done in two steps.  The VSG can be done stand-alone and leave it at that, or you can continue to DS after you're at a safe weight.

Maybe your surgeon is on the cautious side, not necessarily a bad thing, but I also believe I'd be getting a second opinion. 

Well, I didn't want to be someone who had to have surgery to lose my weight and keep it off, either. But I am. So I sucked it up and did it. It was scary, but so worth it.

What helped is realizing that there is no shame in being one of the 95-99% of people who can't lose weight and keep it off. Society  makes us feel that anyone can do it if only they have the willpower but reality and science shows that it's not about willpower and anyone can't do.

Hardly anyone can do it, in fact. That "freedom" you feel is the relief of not having to suffer any more to lose weight. But, as you found, if you don't have surgery, every time you lose weight, you'll just gain it back when you stop dieting. Your body is going to fight you ever step of the way to lose weight and keep it off until you have WLS.

I think you need to find a surgeon who won't require you to lose tons of weight before performing life-saving surgery on you. They are out there. Not every surgeon is skilled enough to do surgery on high-risk patients, but instead of saying so, they tell you to lose weight. They should refer you to someone who can take your case just like they would if you had a heart condition.

Then you need to get into counseling to deal with the mental aspects of this process.