Are they lost?

 "Did I read this message as hope and encouragement.    No, I didn't. "

I didn't either. I read it as a big ad for Mary Ellen's new company. But then I'm cynical that way...

I was hesitant to respond because... well...because I am one of the lost. I guess. I have regained about half of what I have lost. I never got anywhere near goal....I got discouraged by MANY things....life, no support, my health, etc. MY SELF!

I keep asking what should I do? How do I 'fix' it? So, I am asking again....


RNY 4/26/06
395 (Highest)
285 (lowest)
330 (current)

:(

Well?  That's the first thing.  You're putting it out there --- and letting it go.  Good for you.

So what if you didn't get to goal.  That's more the norm than not.

What do you want to do -- are you ready to change?

I am "okay" with not being 125 pounds....that probably won't happen.... BUT I DO believe I can get to about 180.... It's just overwhelming....

YES!!! I am ready. I want it. I NEED it....

 Start there.

Think about 125 pounds as compared to your current weight.  It's super low, and likely to overwhelm you.

180 is a nice landing place.  

I would check in with a doc if you have the means, ASAP.  Have you considered revision?  If I had the means, I would give it thought... I've seen many helped with a DS or some suggest a VSG.... If I had to go back and do it all over again, I'd be a DS'er.

If you have no plans for that ... you still have your "tool."  (I HATE THAT WORD.)  But, you have it.  It's there.  It's probably not broken.  If you have a concern that it is, please get a endoscopy and get that checked.  But, likely not, pouches stretch, stomas stretch, we can eat a lot of calories.

Do you remember the eating plans from early post op?  Don't try.  You will eat your arm off in trying to maintain such low calories now.  

No pouch tests.  No liquid diets.  Unless you want to start the yo yo again.

First -- get a reality check:  Food journal, pen and paper, online, wherever, where you FEEL most comfortable and keep it to yourself while you see what you are REALLY eating.  Forget about "diets -- " and what you should be doing -- write down WHAT you HAVE been doing.  No guilt, no drama, just write it down.  Who cares if it's pizza or fries, just write it down... get a look at it.  You might have done this pre-op, just journal.  Start writing.  You may find it therapeutic.

Long term maintenance (for me... ) is really, truly, about feeling satisfied and not constantly searching for food.

#1 rule I've learned:  FEED YOUR BODY.  Feed it when it is hungry.  Starving all day or eating bird food portions leads many of us to binge-type eating later in the day.

My body wants food every two hours, so be it.  I eat every two hours.  Granted, it's usually a decent food choice.   Usually.  I am a bad example, I eat crap food like a "normal non-surgically altered person," sometimes.  I love my hamburgers with bacon.  

#2 rule:  Most would say, MOVE YOUR BODY.  As much as you can.  Even just a few minutes a few times a day really can impact your calorie burning and keep you feeling better.

#3 You are never alone.  You are surrounded in this thing with hundreds/thousands of "us."  It's rare that someone feels like they "hit goal" or did it perfectly.  No shame.

You have no idea how much I love you right now....


Thank you. I did start today (again) to write things down...well there's an app for that. LOL. I also needed to hear no liquid diets because I was tempted to go 'there' again.... when I first had the RNY I never really lost like you were 'supposed' to....got lots of guilt from another message board so I finally after about 18 months of following the rules and not having the success I should have I left that board, this board, my doc, and gave up.

I followed the rules. I really did. Then, I think I developed a bit of an eating disorder (the opposite of what I had preop) I just stopped eating. I only drank protein and water and coffee.... THAT wasn't healthy and I didn't lose then either....

Giving up only led me to stretch out my pouch (I'm sure) and gain weight.... and hate myself more than I did before.

I thank you again. :) If I could hug your neck I would!

I am considering a revision....I just don't know if I can do it because of insurance and money. :(

-A

 Oh.  

You're a convert.

I get it now.



Honestly, I wonder how many eating disorders have been shoved in the closet because of "those" ideas.

"But, I thought I HAD to have nothing but tha liquid protein train!!"

No.  NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!

You are well beyond that stage -- food is your friend.  

This made me giggle.... yes, now that I have started coming back around there seems to be A LOT of us....

yes, the lovely liquid protein train.... Geezus. Food IS my friend. I just have to also be my own friend..... I have stayed away from the 'other folks' because I cannot go with the guilt and the degradation again. I can do that all by myself.....

Thank you. :)

 

Food is not the enemy - protein shakes are not your meals - and this will take time.

There is NO reason than any one in this community should be allowed to shame, guilt or put fear into you ... over your weight.  We have all been there, and God Damn IT, we should REMEMBER HOW IT FEELS.

However, people get holier than thou and want to preach from a pulpit of "I am SO skinny now" when they are "there," but don't listen.  They all screw up.  We all screw up.

I "love" reading diet advice from other WLS vets who have regained and don't own it.   It's like, "wait, WHAT?"

Thank you for your post.  Apparently some people have taken it totally wrong and that happens so often with written text and on a forum with many personalities.  "Studies say"  and you can take this however you wish that post-ops tend to keep the weight off if they stay plugged in with a support group.  I stay plugged in because it helps me stay accountable.  I have struggled...I struggle every day and in particular am struggling more than usual right now.  Often people that have been morbidly obese and are accustomed to being treated poorly will continue to assume that if they regain they will be treated badly again.  I have seen people treated badly for regain and I've seen them treated badly for NOT regaining.  A friend of mine said he always got tickets for "driving Mexican".  He assumed that he was being judged because of how he was.  I asked him to explain why I got tickets.  Was I driving "while blonde"?  We can go through our journey believing that everyone is against us because they used to treat us badly or we can try to rewire our thinking and realize that everyone experiences judgment for something. EVERYONE!  Your choice is to dwell on that or remove yourself from that place and hang around with people that care about you.   No matter what you post in this forum you will find people who will support you and people that will tell you that you "did it wrong".  It comes with the territory so know if you post here it is part of the experience.

I can only speak for myself.  I come back here ten years post-op and answer every email and do the best I can to stay in a happy place.  I know I cannot please everyone all the time so I try to hang around with those that I can offer some assistance through my experience.  Many of those emails I have answered have told me they were "lost".  I have shared conversations with those post-ops on my blog and offered support to help them get back on track and many of them have.  It is common for post-ops that regain to beat themselves up before anyone else even gets to them  They also assume because I haven't gained my weight back that I would judge them and they couldn't be more wrong.  I have spent hours and hours helping those post-ops and whether you want to call them lost or whatever, this happens on a regular basis with post-ops that regain.  They go away because they feel shame.  Shame sucks the life out of us and then others heap it on so we can feel even worse about ourselves.

Post-op life is hard enough without sweating the small stuff.  If you find yourself being treated badly do the best you can to remove yourself from the fray.  It is hopeless to try to change someone so I try to stay in a place where people don't beat me up....I've done a fine job of beating myself up for years and I'm still pretty good at it.  I know what you meant Maryellen.  I know what everyone meant....but due to lack of communication or personal judgments you get these type of responses every time someone posts.