Why do I feel the need to tell everyone I am fat?

It's weird, at almost 6 years post-op, I am finally way under goal.  I am 6' tall and weigh about 145.  I wear a size 10.  I still see myself like a balloon.  I look at pics, and I see myself, but I don't think that is wh!at everyone else sees. 

Now, even if I wanted to (and I have tried, because it is comfortable for me), I cannot find any clothes to fit me at Lane Bryant, Avenue or plus section at any store.  Therefore, I have to buy "regular" clothes, which I love.  But, there's a catch.  I think when other people see me, they are thinking, "Wow, she must think she's normal because she is wearing normal clothes.  I wonder if she knows that she's fat.  Does she know what she looks like?"  So, I feel like I need to address this.  When I go horseback riding, I ask them if I can have the biggest horse because I don't want to hurt a regular horse.  When I go and ride go-karts, I ask them if I am going to be able to fit so I don't embarass myself.  When I get offered free samples of cakes at Starbucks or something, I respond, "No thanks, I am fat enough already."

Ugh.....why do I do this to myself, and does anyone else?

Thanks!

you might find this article interesting.....

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31489881/ns/health-womens_health/t/phantom-fat-can-linger-after-weight-loss/



jeris

I think the paragraph below describes me to a T.

" “They’re still in the back of their minds maybe waiting for the other shoe to drop," he says. People who’ve gained and lost and gained again may be less likely to embrace a new image that they worry won’t last."

P.S. Here is a hot link for the article.

www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31489881/ns/health-womens_health/t/phantom-fat-can-linger-after-weight-loss/

I have no idea why you do this? Sounds like a psychological problem? (not meaning to be snarky) have you considered therapy to bring your self esteem up? It seems you may have some issues for soem reason.

I never felt that way, even when I WAS super morbidly obese. I was always trying to do stuff but my body betrayed me...

Now, at 170 I wear a size 10 (Most of that is muscle weight as I body build) and I am CONSTANTLY showing off my body and outdoing the "skinny folks". I love it. I have no self esteem issues at all...But each of us is different and the road on our journey is different. Good luck!

Warmly,
Jackie

to me @ 6ft and 145 u sound perfect to me but i understand what your going thru. i haven't had surgery yet but a few years ago i had lost about 65 lbs due to a hernia i didn't know i had until i was so sick and lost weight and then i could see it. well after i lost weight it was Xmas time and my sister bought me 2 shirts and they were larges and i started crying and was mad and went off saying why would you buy me these their not going to fit she said go try them on i bet they do and they did. 65 lbs made a bigger difference than i thought but  after my hernia repair i started gaining weight again :/ now I'm huge and go in thru my preop appts hoping to have my surgery around august, but just goes to show how we perceive our self. I really have no advice but just wanted to let you know your not alone. but don't be so hard on your self . Congrats on your success.

I don't have a lot of jiggle.  I am pretty well put together.  I have lost over 100 lbs since December, and my disgusting wings disappeared. :)  That was my big issue.  My legs are rock solid.  Even at my heaviest, I wanted to do everything.  I was comfortable, no health issues, had an active life, so that hasn't changed, except now I CAN do more, like fit on any roller coaster. :)  I have NEVER exercised in my life, not once, ever.  I did discover, on a bet recently, that I can run a mile on a treadmill in 8:12 very comfortably, not tired or out of breath at all.  And I have no problem sprinting up 10 flights of stairs to go down a big waterslide.  I still find myself buying shirts in an XL, only to get hom and put them on and discover the neckline hangs to my belly button and falls off my shoulders.  I just cannot fathom being a "medium."  I actually weigh about what I weighed in the 4th grade.  My brain just cannot catch up.  I went to get new license, and took pic, then called my name when it was ready.  I picked it up and looked at it and must've looked confused, because the woman asked me if something was wrong.  I thought they put the wrong pic on it.  I have self esteem.  I believe I am smart, motivated, industrious, a good mom, great cook, good gardener, expert sauce maker and canner, funny, kind, generous, and have many other fantastic attributes.  My body just doesn't happen to be one of them.

Well then...From what you describe, it is definately a psychological issue...I suggest finding someone who specializes in treating people with body dismorpophia and food disorders (like anoriexia) since you keep "seeing" or assuming you are fat.... That is not normal. Most social workers or psychologists have a sliding scale and will work with you to find a treatment plan you like (whether cognative therapy or behavioral therapy)

Good luck.
Warmly,
Jackie

Yeah, I am sure it is in my head.  I will have to work it down.  Not real great with crying on someone's shoulder and not a whole lot of respect for "therapists."  I have great insurance and make a lot of money, so, trust me, there is not a sliding scale in the world that works for me, never has been.  If I was going to see a head doctor, it would have to be a medical doctor, and I suspect my issues are not serious enough to warrant a person with a valuable education to waste his time.  Also, I live in Pigeon Forge, TN.  Very rural, and a lot of poor people.  There is one 'therapy" center, and I am a bit of a snob.  I cannot sit in a waiting room with a bunch of welfare recipients and their screaming dirty kids waiting for someone to write them a note to get SSI.  The nearest city is Knoxville, and, since we are entering tourist season here in the Great Smoky Mountains, it can take me up to 3 hours just to get to the highway to travel the 18 miles to get there.  I think the last few months have been the worst, taking time for my brain to catch up.  I have lost over 100 lbs since Dec, and that is a big shock to the system.

Thanks for your response. :)

Yep, "body dismorphia" is a real *****  I finally solved that for myself by dressing in my cutest outfit, looking at myself in the mirror (a full-length one) and telling myself "Wow, I am BEAUTIFUL!!!

Do that before you go out, and sashay through the crowd with that thought in your head, and believe me, it will shine through.  People only see your exterior, and that is gorgeous, so don't you forget it!

You go, Girl!!

 I feel for you ... I really do.  I have had the same problem. 

I look at pictures of myself at 150 lbs and, at the time, I thought I was 'fat'.

I look at pictures of myself at 200 lbs, and I thought I was 'fat'.  Hell, i wish I was 200 lbs now, I would be elated.

((((hugs))) to you. 

Robby :)