too much support??

I'm not so sure mine will understand. I have a feeling since everything is set in motion and they are already planning to come that there is no way I can escape someone's feelings being hurt.

I think they should stay away and keep the visitors to a minimum. You're not going to need or want them there at that time anyway. This is a big pet peeve of mine, anyway. When my dad was in a neurotrauma ICU last winter, another man's ENTIRE family (close to 30 people) took up the waiting area, and no one else was able to fit in. They basically "camped out" in this waiting area, were noisy with boisterous youngsters, etc., and I felt it was very rude of them to do that. I don't think they realized how much they were affecting other patients' families. It was really just silly of them to all be there, anyway, because you can only have 2 people visit at a time for a short period of time. I think some people feel they "must" visit relatives who are hospitalized - like they'll be thought badly of if they don't. But it's really just the opposite. Phone calls and other forms of contact are much more welcome and easier on the immediate family. It's hard to "entertain" guests when you're in the hospital. Best wishes on your upcoming surgery. Lap RNY 9/11/03, 270/165/???

I agree with you. I think they all made their minds up after my mother in law decided to tell everyone that high mortality rate of this surgery at a picnic last week. In my head I was just thinking I'm doomed to have a million questions about my sanity and a million visitors now. Sure enough I got a phone call this morning from one of my husband's aunts who wanted the hospital information to pass on to the other family members (I told her I'd get back to her with that) she said because everyone has been asking (not me obviously). I don't know what to do because I know my husband will need support but I don't want to look like a selfish ass for not wanting EVERYONE to be there.

I think you can honestly say you are so happy everyone is coming but that the day of surgery you would prefer to only see your husband. Tell the rest of the family that you will happy to visit them the next day. And that you appreciate that they will be there for your husband. More than likely you will be given high doses of pain meds and will be in and out of sleep the first day anyway. I was too groggy to even know that my husband was there. Also, I really don't think the hospital will let all those people in to see you. You might want to ask them if they have any rules about who sees you that first day. Maybe they will tell them they can only be in the waiting area that day. Good luck with your surgery and with getting this situation resolved. Mary Beth

Good idea to call the hospital and ask about the rules. I don't know why I just didn't think of that first. Thanks Mary Beth.

I think if you explain things something like you've done here, they'll be understanding about it. I hadn't given it a lot of thought, but I can see where the added stress of trying to put on a happy face would be a concern. I'm much the same way. I think if you just ask folks to hold off on visits until you're more fully recovered and have taken your first walk and are back resting in bed before you have visitors other than your husband and mother, that they'll understand. As long as someone can be there to report to the other family members how you're doing, they'll probably be fine with that. You may also be able to leave those instructions with the nurses to ensure that the family members comply. Best wishes! Bob